perfect? definitely not.

I admit there were times, if not often, where I go all blank and clueless to what I should do. When getting help is not an option, I’ll just close my eyes, cross my fingers and pray for the best. That includes motherhood, work, relationship, finance, what to wear, and many, many more.

Yes, that’s right. What to wear. Maybe it is just me, but there were few occasions when I thought I look pretty decent but when I saw the photos the next day, *OMG* I want to put my head in a hole somewhere. So very the Nicole Kidman with her blotters drama. Thank goodness for Photoshop!

Anyway, it’s hard. I cannot tell you the number of times when I feel I have failed miserably, especially as a mom.

“Maybe if I have taken better care of Ekiel, he would not get sick”.

“Maybe if I didn’t pamper him so much, he would not behave so badly and no one would label Ekiel as a difficult child.”
The IFs debates goes on and on.

And I used to think I’d make a great mother before I had Ekiel. *rolls eyes*

When I watched Oprah the other day about the secret lives of mom & truth about motherhood, I laughed. Out loud. Though some mothers would give those mothers the dirty look for pretending not to hear their child crying or not bathing the kids every day, I nod my head with understanding. I do because I sometimes skip Ekiel’s bath time as I am too tired or just plain lazy. And I only have one child. *head hangs in shame*

Yes, you can call off my nomination for Mother of the Year award.

I must admit I was relieved to know that I am not alone when dealing with motherhood. It makes me feel more… human. *hee*

I know no one is perfect, but our society is always about who’s the better daughter, the better mother, the better everything. So we pretend everything is perfect and we cramp all the skeletons in the closet. When we hear someone did something unacceptable, we roll our eyes and shake our head with disapproval, when in reality, we do the exact same thing.

Why do we do that? We cannot help it. We need something or someone as a guideline, you know, to make sure you are doing what the rest of the world is doing, if not doing the right thing. Of course this is only MY opinion.

What do you think?

spots

It’s only Thursday and I am already exhausted. Why do problems come in a bundle? Before you could settle one problem, another problem comes pokes me in the eye wanting attention. WTH?

The energetic Ekiel was all weak and very the manja when he started having fever Saturday. By Tuesday morning, his fever subsided so I made him go to school. I noticed spots on his hand but my mom think it was just one of his bruises. By afternoon, I got a called from my worried mom saying the spots multiplied and she suspected it is the HFMD.

How does one react to that statement? The only thing I know about HFMD is that it is contagious but hearing my mom’s anxious voice, I got really nervous and I immediately rushed home to bring him to the hospital.

As we enter the hospital, a nurse stopped us at the entrance to get body temperatures. She used the ear thermometer thingy and told me, Ekiel has a fever. *rolls eyes* Like duh, we would not be in the hospital if none of us were sick kan?

We were sent to the children’s ward and a young lady doctor attended to us. She checked Ekiel’s temperature, heartbeat, mouth and suddenly, she started smiling and stuttering. I got confused when she pointed to a poster pinned on the wall. It was the HFMD poster. Apparently, Ekiel is her first HFMD case.

She assured me that the disease is common especially for children under 5. There is no specific medication and all I can do it make sure his fever is under controlled. Plus makes sure he drinks a lot of water! She prescribed Paracetamol, Bonjela and salt water (for diarrhea). She said Ekiel must be quarantined for a week and Ekiel did his happy dance when he found out he gets to skip school.

He no longer has fever and his appetite improved. The spots still multiply but he never complained of any pain. Not even about the big ulcers in his mouth. However, he is extra manja like a cat and clings to me like a baby orang utan. He is definitely taking advantage on his situation kan?

better decision

I am horrified to read children abandoning their [sick] parents by the roadside because they think their parents are making their life difficult. WTH?

My relationships with my parents are not the greatest but never, not even in my frustrated state, have I ever imagine abandoning them like that. Yes, I am not exactly the best daughter in the world. I admit there are times when I imagined moving out of the house or even migrate to another country. Once I planned to move to another planet. *whistles*

Whatever the excuse it, there has got to be a better way.

It is always about making the better, if not the right decision. Leaving their parents at a welfare centre would be a better decision but taking care of them responsibly would be a right one. Being honest to your partner about that someone else is a better decision though staying faithful would be a right one.

It is never easy to do the right thing.

I sometimes worry about hurting other people, I rather avoid the issue altogether though I know I must face it sooner or later. I keep my fingers crossed hoping they would “get it” and everything would just okay.

Yes, I know it sucks. I was a “they” before too.

Anyway, I am counting the days for my next trip. *woohoo* A very much needed break away from the headache/heartaches. I’ve already identify the places I want to go and I’ll just assume my travelling buddies wants to go there too. *LOL* I just wish a big bag of cash would drop from the sky so I can par-tay and not worry about the little details like money. *grins*

Have a great weekend people.

a short one

Ekiel is still being DIFFICULT about going to school. Every day is a challenge to wake him up, get him prepared and the leave him in his class. I asked him many times why he dislikes he school, all he answered, “School is hard” and “I miss my home”. *sighs*

And honestly, all that mornings amongst other things are wearing me down. If only you could see my Lala Land, you’d be worry too.

Macam ada Ultraman and raksasa bergaduh ni.

Let me introduce the new Lim families. Bezzel and Chuzzle. All they do is drive each other crazy, bite everything they see, leave their mess everywhere for Ekiel to step on. They’re stinky too despite the constant bath. *Ughh*

I don’t like pets, but I guess they’re okay larr.

Bezzel

Chuzzle

carrot head

Ekiel cried in school yesterday and today.
Last year it took Ekiel 2 days to not cry while in school but my mom said, it took my youngest brother one week! *freaks out* Let’s hope there’s no more drama tomorrow.

I am so restless. I have been having weird dreams night after night and that pretty much screw up my sleep. Someone asked me what’s with the sleeping problem. If I knew, don’t you think I would fix it? Seriously. *rolls eyes*

Boys Over Flowers on 8TV, Monday to Friday at 8.30pm.
I am addicted and love/hate that show. I have always tried to avoid dramas such as these because my need to know how the story ends will haunt me. Never did I imagine [the guy whom my sisters refer to as] the carrot head would rock my world and made me to watch the entire series in youtube. *tsk tsk tsk* Shame on him.

Let’s not talk about the orangey hair, the super pale complexion, the horrific getup, the pretty face and the “I am a musician therefore I am living in my own world” persona. It is not a good thing because standing next to him will definitely make me look like his nanny, or something else

BUT the fact that he, could read the “between the lines”, does the unpredictable “little [sweet] things” and always is the knight in shining armor, makes him [almost] perfect.

Batu pun boleh cair.

However, we all know men like this are rare if not extinct. *sighs*

Though his love was unrequited, because in my opinion the writer is sick in the head, he is forever there for the girl through the good and bad, as a friend, knowing he will never have her. I could not think of a man, a sane man, who would do just that. Can you?

I think the writer is insane because the storyline is so twisted there are times when I thought I’ll get a heart attack.

However, while watching the movie, all I could think of was, “OMG, all he does all day is to please the girl. Doesn’t he have other things to do?” I mean, some people have to go and save the world and they would never have the time to appear every time I am feeling down. Kan? *

Dramas like these should come with a warning for it is not good for the [weak] heart. *cough cough*

2nd week of school

Like last year, Ekiel made a scene on the first day of his second week in school. He was very calm when I walked him to his class. When I wanted to kiss him goodbye, I saw the shaky lips and the glistening eyes, I knew there’ll be trouble. Before I could think of a plan, he was clinging on my neck and did not want to let go.

It wasn’t a pretty sight so I sat at the tiny bench outside his class. Some of Ekiel’s classmates came and asked me why Ekiel did not want to come in to class, so very the kepoh like that. *LOL* I did not want to embarrass, see I am such a cool mommy, told them Ekiel was just a little shy.

Ekiel’s cute teacher was in a meeting, so no one came to helped us. When she finally came, Ekiel started crying. Well, hysterical is more like it. It took two teachers to grab Ekiel while he was screaming, “I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!”

So kesian but he needs to go to school kan?

For a boy his size, he is damn strong.

Parents smiled at me, and I smiled back apologetically. It was not until I was in the car when I realised my buttons were undone and I flashed the whole kindergarten. Nasib baik saya pakai bra cantik hari ni. *whistles* I hope no kids, or parents were traumatized by that incident. *chuckles*

Love One Another

"Peace is not something you wish for; it's something you make, something you do, something you are, and something you give away"

~ Robert Fulghum

crying monkey

If your mom called you in the morning screaming, “Kau tau apa anak kau buat?” it is not a good thing.

My son was more excited about his new school stuffs than going back to school. The morning of his first day, I had little trouble waking him up. He was calm when he arrived in his classroom and went straight to play the toys on the floor.

Knowing he’s okay, I called out to him to let him know that I am going to work. He nodded. So I asked for a goodbye kiss and he only gave me a raised eyebrow. *raises eyebrow*

This morning, I spent 30 minutes persuading, negotiating and threatening and another 10 minutes to look for his school bag. When he left with my parents, I thought he would be okay like the day before.

Not long after, I got that call from my mom.

According to my mom, he was fine when she left him in class. As she walked out from the school compound back to the car, she heard and wondered which monkey was screaming and crying like a mad boy when she heard, “MaaaaaaaaMaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”.

Yes people, it was my monkey, Ekiel.

Apparently, Ekiel managed to sneak out from the classroom and ran for my mom. Luckily a teacher saw him and managed to catch up. The three of them went back to Ekiel’s class and Ekiel did not want to let my mom go. Finally the teacher pulled him away, hold him tight and lock the classroom door.

*chuckles*

The funniest thing was, no one in the whole school, including the play group kids, cried. Not even on the first day yesterday or today for that matter. Dia jugalah superstar ni hari.

Dear Ekiel,
“Habis larr kau”. This day would be remembered and talked about for many many many years to come.

XOXO,
Mommy