Thursday, December 27, 2007
So last night we went ahead to watch Alvin and Chipmunks and thankfully it wasn’t a waste of money. It wasn’t THAT great but I like all the singing and shaking their ass bit.
*Won't you take me to Funkytown. Won't you take me to Funkytown. Won't you take me to Funkytown. Won't you take me to Funkytown**shakes ass shamelessly in my mind*
My son enjoyed the movie too. At one point, he put both his hands behind his head while leaning against me with my brother feeding him popcorn and me holding his drink. He surely knows how to enjoy life.
Four days before the year ends. At this moment I am not sure if I should be doing my happy dance or start crying because of my little achievements for the year. Wait, when I think about it, it is not that bad really if you minus all the headaches and heartaches.
I did get that promotion that was promised to me BUT it is not a confirmed thing (still on probation) yet and here, anything can happen so I need it to be on paper before I go celebrating it. I was also selected for the Diploma program but I didn’t realize the pressure for me to excel because I have to prove myself to some people that I am capable without having to kiss anybody’s arse until it was too late.
I went for three separate holidays; to Kl for a friend’s wedding, to Club Med Cherating for a ya-ya sisterhood experience with my sisters and to KL for my first family vacation. I wish it was overseas trips but I did enjoy myself so it doesn’t really matter.
So really it’s not that bad, right? It’s just difficult to think when someone is WAY louder than my thoughts.
What are my hopes for next year?To survive it gracefully.
Seriously?I think I need to think hard about this before I put it in writing for the whole world to see.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
My stomach feels crappy and has been since Sunday. *sighs* My plan to stuffed myself silly and enjoy the food without worrying about fitting into my pants for work, went down the drain. And yet, I am pretty sure I have gained a few KGs because I feel like a bloody whale.
How’s your Christmas?
Mine was fairly okay. (Is it just me or did Christmas Spirit forgot to drop by this year?) My brother did get his wish to have an English Christmas. The food was yummy. I got three Christmas presents; a dictionary cum thesaurus, a name card holder and a glass box. A dictionary cum thesaurus, you ask? Well, I needed a good dictionary for my class so I asked for one. *giggles* Btw, do you have any idea how much a dictionary cost these days?
I think my son enjoyed his Christmas a lot more. I got him a (toy) car which fits him nicely but he is too heavy, he couldn’t paddle himself around. So he did what the Flinstones did, used his legs to move. *LOL* He also got five plastic sport cars, one racing car cum robot, one jet fighter cum robot, a mini goal post + ball, an MU jersey and a baby blue shirt. Guess which was his favorite? The five cars that according to my mom, he picked for himself. When my mom persuaded him to get something bigger and better, he just refused. Let’s just hope his simplicity lasts forever.
I wish I am at home instead of at work. Luckily my other sister also had to go to work today so I am not missing much. Tonight us, the siblings are going to the movies. We haven’t decided what to watch yet though. My sister suggested Alvin and the Chipmunks but from the reviews I read, I rather watch The Golden Compass. But again, reviews are very subjective. Like the movie Enchanted. Some viewers gave it a B and some gave it an A. Yes, I do enjoy that sort of musical movie but it wasn’t exactly my favorite. It’s cute but that’s that.
Another good example was the 30 Days of Night. My friend highly recommended the movie, so I went to watch it. Throughout the whole movie, I asked myself, “Why did I listen to him? Why did I listen to him?” The story wasn’t that great and the vampire thingy looks stupid, especially the female who was extra excited about everything and died because of her stupidity. If the seats weren’t so cramped, I’d do my happy dance.
This is supposed to be an entry about Christmas and yet I blog about something else.
Before I forget, I must say the Sacred Heart English Choir and friends sang beautifully during the Christmas midnight mass. For a while, Christmas felt like Christmas. I especially like the Carols Of The Bells and O Holy Night. If you’re planning to get married and looking for a choir, go get them. I would.
So, Christmas this year is a little quite. One of my brothers is not here so we don’t really plan anything because we didn’t want that brother to feel left out. A family matter (which doesn’t really involve us) also dampens the Christmas spirit. One of the brother is also acting up. *rolls eyes* I am feeling shitty not only because I don’t feel so well, but because I let other people get to me. *Blah*
Anyway, I know my Christmas is WAY better than other people so I am not going to whine about it. I should be thankful instead to be spending it with my family, in good health and lots of food. I really am.
Monday, December 24, 2007
This is the first Christmas Eve where I have to work. *sighs* Today I was also informed that my leave for New Year’s Eve is cancelled. He gave his unreasonable reason but I kinda switched off the moment I hears “I need to hold your leave... blah blah blah”. Bloody hell. He clearly dislikes me for reasons only he himself knows and yet he likes to keep me in the office. I don’t understand what his problem is.
I shall not think about it because it’s Christmas. I’d rather be thinking of the food I’m going to eat today and tomorrow.
Christmas presents collection didn’t go too well this year. Oh well. As we become older, the presents and the ang pows become lesser and lesser too. So sad oh kan? No wonder adults dislike the festive season so much, besides the drinking of course.
With the year ending very soon, I am a little worried. I just don’t know how much more can I take of this mental torture before I explode. Since I am already bonded here for three more years, yes people, three more years, I have no choice but to suck it all it. I wonder if it is worth it. The feeling changes though but at this very moment, I just want to slap somebody, that particular somebody silly.
Anyhoo, Have A Blessed Christmas people.
Don’t Drink & Drive.
Friday, December 21, 2007
I didn’t know that would be possible.
It is four more days before Christmas. *woohoo*
Maybe it’s just me but it feels less Christmas-sy this year. *sighs*
I must say the Christmas décor this year is so much better compared to the last two years.
Maybe the Office Drama killed Christmas Spirit and that is why everyone is feeling so shitty.
I bought three new blouses for Christmas after years wearing what I have in the closet. *claps hands*
Yes, yes. I am making up for all those years.
But all three blouses are in black and white. I didn’t realize it until I packed my bags to go back to KK.
As for Ekiel, he’ll be wearing his new stone washed jeans and a pink shirt. Hee.
I did thought of getting a matching outfit for me and Ekiel but then, I decided not too because everyone is a critic.
*let it snow, let it snow, let it snow*
When will I finally have my white Christmas?
Our last year’s Italian Christmas was good though.
For this Christmas, we’re having English Christmas, minus the turkey.
Let’s hope my siblings know what they’re doing because I don’t.
I wish I could have one of those Hallmark Christmas dinners.
When I was pregnant, I was not financially ready. The hospital bills and all the baby necessities worried me but I figured with my credit cards, I didn’t have to worry. After I gave birth to my son, my whole life took a different turn. I decided it is best to go home and move back with my parents so that my mother could take of my baby when I am at work. That meant I need to give up my comfortable job and salary.
When I got home, I was out of job for five months and when I finally managed to get a job, the pay was only half the amount I used to get. But like someone said, “beggars cannot be choosy”, so I took it. My life was controlled by my financial situation and all my salary goes to paying back my debts and baby necessities.
I was really frustrated and I thought the circumstance was out of my hand. The idea of a part time job again popped in my head but with my unpredictable working hour and my already limited time with my son, I waved the idea goodbye.
I was introduced to blogging long ago but I never took it seriously until last year. Blog hopping became my morning coffee. I noticed a lot advertisements and paid blogs and I thought the blogger must be very good to be paid doing what he or she loves doing. I wish I was like them too.
Then I read in a blog somewhere about how anyone could be paid to blog. I was really excited but I was worried that my blog experience wasn’t enough to convince anyone to pay me to write anything about them. I thought hard about it and I figured I shall just give it a try because I sure could use the extra money. I was also motivated to hear from people who swore this was the easiest part time job they have ever done.
I didn’t know where to go or how to start so I log on to the net. There were many paid blogging services and I actually took the time to read each of them so I could pick one that is best for me. After thinking hard about it, I finally decided to go with PayPerPost.
Honestly, beside the fact that many bloggers are using the services (which proves that it does actually work!), that’s the only website that made sense to me. *LOL* The instructions were clear and there are many “assignments” I could choose from. At least there is something for me, at this part of the world, to write about. The process of submitting the blog and waiting for the approval was also easy. All that and seeing how other bloggers could earn so much through this service was enough to get me started and I was thrilled to know that my blog, The World According To Angelicbug, was paid worthy.
I am very happy that now with a side income, which I could do at my own preferred time; I do not have to worry so much on my budget anymore. I could now bring my son and the whole family to watch a movie or dine in my son’s favorite fast food restaurant without having a headache. As weird as that may sound to some people, I swear this is true.
I shall also start a fund for four things. Hee. I know that’s a long list but we must dream big, no? Hopefully by this time next year, I would have a 3G phone, a digital camera, a laptop and an overseas trip for my family and me. Looks like I have to write a lot of paid posts to realize all these.
So to other bloggers, what are you waiting for? Log on to payperpost and get paid doing what you love best.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
Been really busy the past few days and this continue until end of the year.
It is now 9.10pm, am waiting for my dad to pick me up. My brain is in a coma. I've been staring at the screen for more than five minutes and I just don't know what to do. Hee. Am supposed to write a so-called important task and the deadline is today but the thing is so ridiculous, I want to print that email out and burn it.
Uploaded some pictures from the events I attended today. So... here's a little something. A glimpse to what my day was like today.
Morning event was a Christmas Charity Party for children from Sri Mengasih, Sabah Thalassaemia Society and Don Bosco. In the evening, I attended a press conference with Dewa 19, a popular band from Indonesia who are performing tomorrow at Stadium Likas.
Sure it was fun and somewhat interesting... but behind that smile and all is an entire different story.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Fyi, my holiday was GREAT.
I’ve gained several KGs and got sunburned from the extreme heat which was weird because it was raining cats and dogs for days before we arrived. Despite the tightness with my clothes and the peeling skin, I really enjoyed the trip. Yes, as expected there were few… “unhappiness” but after torturing “them” mentally, I felt a lot better.
The “sekarang semua boleh terbang” airline is a pain. I reconfirmed my flight details (to ensure no surprises when I reach the airport later) that afternoon after trying to get them the whole morning. But less than an hour later, I received an SMS informing me my flight was delayed for three hours. So I called the airline and got my family and I an earlier flight. So bloody happy. Because it was an earlier flight, we rushed and hurried only to found out later that earlier flight was also delayed. Basically we left the same time we were supposed to. How silly is that? I also forgot my journal and a few of my son’s things because I had to rush from work, packed and go. *grrr*
My son enjoyed the plane ride. He learned how to buckled and unbuckled the seatbelts and he did that during the whole trip. He unbuckled himself and was going through the seat pocket thingy when the plane ride became a little shaky. He quickly climbed his seat and buckled himself. “Mummy accident” he said and stayed seated until we reached KL. Hee.
Cameron Highland although a little congested is a nice place to visit. The place isn’t as cold as the other highlands I’ve visited but they have many attractions where tourists like us could visit. We went to the butterfly farm, the rose farms and the strawberry farm where we plucked our own strawberries. Honestly, plucking our own strawberry was no fun. *rolls eyes* The farm is located on a steep hill with slippery muddy pathways. If only I knew the condition of the place, I wouldn’t drag Ekiel along. Big mistake! He ran around like that was the safest thing to do. After he slipped and I nearly got a heart attack, he refused to walk and insisted that I carry him around. It’s not easy carrying a 16kg boy who couldn’t stand/sit still for even a minute and balancing ourselves so we would not to tumble down like a mommy & baby elephant.
Ipoh is a small town much like Sandakan, this is according to my brother. It rained crazily when we got there so after we had our famous chicken rice, we headed back to KL. *rolls eyes*
Another place we visited was Melaka. We stopped by the Melaka Zoo which was quite decent. Now, for those who want to visit the zoo, do remember to wear comfortable walking shoes and bring lots of water. *winks* I nearly passed out from the heat but the thought of those animal laughing at me kept me going. My parents and one sister took the tram ride while the rest of us walked. They stopped at every cage and took pictures and I got tired of waiting under the sun so I did my speeding-through-the-zoo walk, only to stop and see interesting animals like the monkeys and the elephants. So efficient of me.
It was my third visit to Melaka and I am very convinced I have seen it all. So I just tagged along not really focusing on anything. Melaka is a charming small town with its traditional architectural buildings. I wish I could bring my family to eat authentic Baba Nyonya or Portuguese cuisine but because of my mom’s allergy we ended up eating in a very nice food court. The food was so-so but I learned from working at the Resort, that sometimes it is not about the food or the room, but it is all about the experience. *ahems*
I am so proud with myself for walking around the zoo and climbing those stairs at the St Paul’s Church. Not to forget all the walking around town/shopping complexes. *pats own shoulder* But I think I have enough walking to last me for a year. With all that working, I still didn’t lose any weight. So sad oh.
Many things happened, but I don’t remember any of them at this very moment. I do remember being very excited about blogging it though. *sighs* I’m turning 30 in two months but I might as well be 300 years old with me forgetting everything these days.
Christmas is fast approaching. *woohoo* I have done all my Christmas shopping. *wipes eyebrow with relief* Nothing fancy just something practical for everyone to use. I LOVE CHRISTMAS. I love the decorations, the Christmas carols, the Christmas movies, anything Christmas. I can’t wait for it, yet I don’t want it to come so soon because before you know it, you have to put down the Christmas tree already. *sniff sniff*
Pictures to be posted soon.
Monday, November 26, 2007
So much anger bottled up. I am afraid when I blow up, I’ll be too broken to be fixed again.
Life is like a rollercoaster no? I love rollercoaster. Anyway, I am at that phase again when the engine suddenly breaks down, and I am dangling in the air, upside down with the safety belt being the only thing that stops me from falling. My world is spinning real hard. I want to throw up but I can’t/mustn’t because the whole world is watching me in my circumstances and the last thing I want to do is embarrass myself. With my need to pretend that everything is okay makes it more difficult.
I no longer questioned the reason behind all this craziness. I’ve accepted them as life’s lesson to me. Yes, I do whine about it but some people just don’t get it. Everyone seems to think I have it easy. *vomits blood* Let them think what they want to think. I am too tired to argue.
I believe what goes around comes around. I just wish the coming around would go back to them faster. *evil laugh*
I need to pick myself up soon because not only it’s affecting my work, but it sure messing with my sanity badly.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.
I am a single mommy
I am the eldest of eight siblings
My dad is Chinese and my mom is Sungai (something like the Kadazandusun)
I was in KL for ten years
I have never climbed the Mount Kinabalu but I plan to conquer it one day
I have never been out of the country and would love to do so one day
I nearly drowned four times and I still haven’t learn how to swim
I don’t drive because I am afraid, really afraid
Now, to tag 8 people…
Okay… I don’t know who reads my blog and those I know were already tagged. So, anyone who wants to do this are welcomed and leave me a message so I could check them out
A few friends of mine have a wish list for practically everything so I thought why not. It’s not like I am asking anyone to buy for me anything from the list. Maybe if I wish a little louder, the wish would come true because obviously keeping it to myself don’t work.
This is a combined list because I couldn’t think of a reason why it should be a separate one.
My Birthday/Christmas Present Wish List
1. 3G phone (preferably Sony Ericsson)
I bought my current phone four years ago. It survived many horrible incidents even the one where my son threw it across the room and the phone housing/battery/sim card was everywhere. The phone has been very good to me but it didn’t survived the last episode and now no one on the other side of the phone can hear me no matter how loud I scream my head off.
Why must it be a 3G phone? Most 3G phones has everything and this is a wish list, so why not?
My only wish is for the laptop has a WiFi connection. A laptop would be nice so I don’t have to wait in line for the computer at home when I want to blog and I also don’t have to write my thoughts down on a piece of paper before transferring it to PC. With a laptop I could also do so many other things like playing computer games or watching a movie when my dad/mom/siblings hog the remote control and watches the news/Indonesian soap opera/football/MTV/Channel V/etc. Take your pick.
I somehow imagine my life would be much productive if I have a laptop. I don’t know why.
3. Digital camera
Since my camera’s mysterious disappearance, life hasn’t been the same. No, I don’t miss taking pictures of myself. Okay, I admit I do somewhat miss that. *evil laugh* What I miss most are my son’s pictures. His last pictures were taken during our Manukan trip and he had grown so much since then. *sigh* I wish I took pictures of him dancing to Sean Kingston’s Beautiful Girl or his excited reaction when he saw the big balloon (bigger than himself) I bought back for him. Oh well.
Would one of those RM3K++ camera be too much for a wish list?
4. MP3 player
So I could listen to some music during one of those sleepless nights.
It’s kinda lonely you know.
I couldn’t think of anything else. Well, I can, but let’s keep the list short by putting the important things only.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
The reason why I am super excited about this holiday is because this is officially my family’s first holiday. I know it’s hard to believe but I swear this is the truth. When we were younger, vacation was a luxury we could never afford. So now, after years of working, we finally decide it was about time to have our first trip together. We are not going anywhere exciting, just KL but the destination doesn’t really matter.
We were looking for a place to stay at Cameron Highlands. Since we have a tight budget, we couldn’t go where I wanted to go - one of those tudor-styled hotels. So we settled with an apartment, which we searched online and picked based on the pictures. How fun is that? It was between two apartments (let’s call it A & B). Although Apt B has nicer looking couch, the un-mowed lawn is an eyesore, so Apt A won with its fancy ceiling lights. *yay*
Don’t you just love the Internet? Without it, we would have no idea how the apartment looks like and we can only cross our fingers and toes hoping it would turn out decent. But of course, if the pictures were photoshop-ed then we could end up with something scary. Ooh… the adventure….
Monday, November 12, 2007
Maybe I am just over analysing the whole thing. I do that sometimes. However, I am not wrong to say those boys in that video clip are way too old for the girls no matter how "hip" and "hop" those boys dressed. I also don’t see the connection or the need for that particular scene but whatever the reason, the whole scene was just wrong.
That bit where those boys were checking the girls out wasn’t pretty. Those boys looked like they’re already in college while the girls looked like 13/14 year olds. But again, like I said, maybe it’s just me. Btw, the whole dance routine especially with the umbrella was lame.
There’s an article in the newspaper about two parents who are suing two different hospitals for negligence causing the death of their children. Before I share my personal experience, I would like to stress that I do know being a doctor/nurse is not easy. The pressure and the long hours are crazy. I do watched ER, Chicago Hope & Grey’s Anatomy. *winks* I also have few aunts who are also nurses. They have my utmost respect. But there are some doctors/nurses whom I feel should be more understanding and attentive to their patients.
I broke my leg when I was ten years old in my mom’s kampung (village). We were there for Christmas and I will tell you the details one of these days. Anyway, I was sent to the hospital because everyone was worried I’ve broken my right leg. When I got to the hospital, the doctor was out for dinner. No one could help me so I was placed in the children ward while waiting. I was in extreme pain and I remembered being so scared because a child had died in the next ward and the whole family was weeping uncontrollably. For a ten-year old, that was a nightmare.
After four hours (which felt like forever), the doctor finally came and by that time was leg was badly swollen. It was too late to do an x-ray that night, so I had to stay overnight in the hospital and I couldn’t sleep at all. The next day I had the x-ray done and the doctor told me I only fractured my leg. He put a cast to make sure it heals properly but he also cut the cast on one side and bound it tightly with bandages. He claimed that that’s the way it was done.
When I came back to KK, we went to the general hospital and my dad got a good scolding from the doctor for cutting the cast. Yeah, my dad used the butter knife to cut the cast. *rolls eyes* When explained to the doctor, he ordered another x-ray and this time the doctor said I actually broke my leg in two places and I had to recast the leg. Unfortunately, my bones have already started to heal and they cannot realign my leg to its normal position because the first cast wasn’t done properly.
And that is why I walk funny.
If the first doctor wasn’t so… careless, I wouldn’t have to live with this imperfections that somewhat dictates not only my life but the way I dressed as well. Yeah, I have to hide that imperfect leg of mine.
Another experience was when I gave birth to my son. I was already crowning when I reached the hospital. The nurses at the registration were taking forever to register me in. I told them my situation and they told me to go to the waiting room. I kept telling the nurses that I am about to deliver the baby, but they told me it’s not the time yet. They said it’s just another contraction which was normal especially for a first time mother. I then insisted one of the nurses to check and told her again, I had contractions for the past two days and my water broke before I came to the hospital. She was reluctant but went to check anyway, probably to stop me from bothering her.
When she saw the head, she panicked and immediately called the doctors to come in. Then only everyone rushed to get everything ready; my IV, the bed placement, etc but it was already too late. I pushed twice and I gave birth to Ekiel. By then Ekiel wasn’t breathing because he had meconium. If that nurse didn’t listened to me like most of them, I would not have Ekiel with me today.
True, they (the doctors/nurses) have years of experience but sometimes only the patients know what is going on with their body.
Me: I have a bad headache
Doctor: What kind of headache? Everyone tells me they have a headache but there is so many different type of headache. Which one is it?
If I know what was wrong with me, I didn’t have to go see him right?
Saturday, November 10, 2007
I left college about seven years ago. In college I excelled and survived certain subjects. I am no good with scientific or arithmetical subjects. It’s a mystery how I could do addition, multiplication, division and subtraction without a calculator.
The whole paper or work qualification debate is very subjective if you ask me. But personally, paper qualification is somewhat an achievement, sadly not only to me but to my family as well. Therefore, when the opportunity arises, I took the challenge without any hesitation.
My first class is the English class. I love English classes but I swear this English class is the most boring English class I’ve ever attended. The trainer is an old woman whom I salute for her knowledge but her teaching skills… *tsk tsk tsk* I have never met a teacher/lecturer/trainer who loves talking about him/herself that much.
“I am SO generous with my knowledge. I taught you the actual meaning of bungalow and you could use that against your superior one day”
“I’ve traveled around the world and people tell me my English is so perfect and even better than the English”
“I am such a good teacher, I have students who called me and told me I am the best teacher they ever had”
This is a trainer who didn't explained to us the basic in English nor did she answered questions that was given to her. She also dismissed our review/comment on her book. She wrote a book about Sabah and I suppose like every writer, she is very proud of it. She stupidly asked us to do a book review on her book and assured us she is open to criticism and comments. Of course, everyone was more than willing to criticize her book senselessly.
A few of us agreed that we should compliment the book a little so the trainer would not run out of the room crying. The first speaker who commented negatively on the book got a shocking respond from the trainer.
“All of you are not a professional book reviewer, so you don’t know what you are talking about”
Bloody hell. Then why ask what we think of the book because she sure didn’t correct our grammar and all. She was just fishing for compliments. Every time someone said something nice about her book, she’ll be smiling all so proudly. *vomits blood*
“I didn’t want to be so forward by putting a portrait of me in the book, so I used a picture that shows my whole body so they couldn’t really see my face”
Well, if she really wanted to keep a low profile, she didn’t have to put a picture of herself at all. The picture she used was even more vain, with her showing off her legs while holding an umbrella under the hot sun.
Sure, I did learn a thing or two in her class but I feel she could have taught us much more. After all, we have to finish the class in ten lessons. The HR dept also felt that she wasn’t teaching us the necessary and did an evaluation about the trainer and her class. With unanimous result, the HR trainer spoke to the English trainer and got the shocked of her life.
Apparently the trainer disagreed with us, the students and accused the company placing spies in the class to make her life miserable. She accused us being rude and nasty to her. She also said we were ungrateful and the worst bunch of students she ever had. How crazy is that? She claimed she taught us the necessary but we misunderstood her.
“Ms XX, what is noun?”
“I just taught you what noun is. You should know all these. It's basic English”
(There is a reason why she was hired to teach us Basic English, duh!)
She also claimed that we purposely brought dictionaries to the class to prove that she is wrong and a terrible English trainer. But the other day, she praised those who took the initiative to buy dictionaries and books to improve themselves. Don't tell me she is not mental.
I daresay she was lucky to have us because if she had the first batch of students, she would not only vomit blood but she would probably jump into the ocean, which happens to be her favorite place in the whole world.
Every day I am reminded the importance of sanity and common sense.
Friday, November 09, 2007
If you’re not a fan of the Supremes, then you may not enjoy the night so much. I only know a few of their songs but I did enjoy their amazing vocals. I mean these ladies are in their fifties/sixties? Their vocals can put many of our artists to shame. There’s that one particular slow number they sang that took my breath away. It was just beautiful. It was one of those moments I wish I were with someone special. *winks*
“I stayed the whole show because of this *points her glass of wine* otherwise I would have long gone”
Seriously? No offense but why do some people allow the fancy water controlling their life?
I am taking too much time to finish this entry. *head hangs in shame*
Anyway, I enjoyed myself. Despite the "surprises" with my dress, I managed to get it fixed the night before. The midnight altering was worth it. Honestly, I loved the reactions I get. No, I wasn't the most beautiful in the room, but I guess people were just taken aback to see me in something other than my uniform. See, I do cleaned up good. Just because I don't have the need to look pretty all the time, it doesn't mean I can't or I don't know how. Hee.
I don't know if those were a positive or negative reaction though. I'll just pretend it is all good. And yes people, I too have boobs. *tsk tsk tsk*
Sunday, November 04, 2007
*woohoo* I know, I know.
I need to get a life that involves real people.
Been crazily busy at work. Since I need a break before I blow my sanity, I shall answer the following questions that serve no other purpose other than to kill time. Hee.
1. Pick out a scar and explain how you got it.
I have a scar on my middle finger (left hand) that was caused by a blender. Yes, a blender. My mom bought a new blender and I wanted to make sure that the blades are sharp. *sticks tongue out* Truth is, I don’t remember why I stick my hand in the blender but I think I my mom ask me to hand her the blade, or something like that.
2. What does your phone look like?
Old and tired.
3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
My son’s ABC & 1-100 charts
4. What is your current desktop picture?
An angry cat that said “I work for money. If you want loyalty, get a dog”
5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
6. What time were you born?
Sometime in the afternoon
7. Last person who made you cry?
Last person? I don’t remember… but I cried this morning when I was applied my mascara and watched “Lipstick” at the same time. (It’s difficult to apply mascara when you’re crying!)
8. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?
Summer by Kenzo
9. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
10. What are you listening to?
Invisible Man – 98 Degrees
11. Do you get scared of the dark?
Not really but sometimes my imagination plays tricks on me
12. Do you like pain killer?
Hell yeah, when I am in extreme pain that is. It's no M&Ms
13. Are you to shy to ask someone out?
14. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Kick arse Penang Char Koey Teow *slurps*
15. Who was the last person you made mad?
My son, I refuse to bring him with me to work
16. Who was the last person who made you smile?
My son, because he was upset I wouldn’t bring him to work and he said, “I don’t want sayang (love) you”
17. Is anyone in love with you?
Is this a trick question?
Sunday, October 28, 2007
I don’t expect people to be rocket scientists. I just wish people would use their head a little.
Do you know anyone who can never find whatever they’re looking for, even when the thing is right under their nose? Tell them the exact location and they still won’t be able to find it. Sometimes I think these people either pretend to look for it or they look with their eyes close. What about people who misunderstood your instructions, but refused to admit it and blame you instead? Strange but true, my life revolves around these people.
Maybe this is why I am always attracted to people who are knowledgeable, worldly, witty and composed. *ahaks*
It’s almost November. *panics* I haven’t achieve/done anything significant yet. Did I make a resolution list this year? *Erkk* I don’t even remember. Time flies when you’re having fun but the problem is, it’s no joyride. So where did time go?
The whole wedding theme, décor, colors, flower arrangements, centerpieces, programs, song selections, the food & beverages, the conduct of the bride & groom’s family members/guests, the fashion/style of the whole wedding entourage, and of course the bride and groom themselves fascinates me.
I can imagine the amount of work, time and energy spent on planning and organizing a wedding. (Almost) everyone told me it’s exhausting. I’m sure it is. Even on the wedding day itself the bride and groom has to be on their feet the whole day making sure everyone is entertained and there is enough food and drink to go around. We must not forget the gazillion of photos they are required to take, and the smiling, you need to smile even when your face hurts. The maid of the honor was told many times not to frown and the bride complained that wedding is not fun at all. *LOL*
Anyway, the bride was beautiful and her maid of honor/bridesmaids are pretty as well. I said pretty because they must never outshine the bride right? The food was delicious, and the drinks were plenty. The entertainment was indeed entertaining with everyone coming up on stage wanting to show off their talent. Sadly, not all of them are talented. *LOL* I told myself not to do an open mic thingy on my wedding. Hee. But there’s one girl (about seven or eight) who sang Somewhere Over The Rainbow and Moon River beautifully.
Yes, I do somewhat know what I want for my wedding. No, I do not have a scrapbook like some people though. I believe every girl must have at least once imagined how her wedding will be like. I used to want a grand wedding with plenty of guests to celebrate my special day with me. I want to wear one of those really big wedding dresses with a veil as long as ten feet to have that princess-sy effect. When I think about it, where am I going to find that many guests? *chuckles* Or the money to host an elaborate wedding I pretend to have in my Lala Land.
As I get older I think a simple and intimate wedding will do. The details are still important of course but it doesn’t have to be so complicated. After all, when you try to be different by being too difficult, it will only lead to a whole load of mess. It’s your wedding, not some competition.
I have heard a fairy tale wedding complete with backdrops of castle, cupids and unicorns. That is WAY too much, don’t you think. Like I said, it’s your wedding. Not some high school musical.
To J&L, congratulations and may your marriage be filled with lots of love and blessings.
Friday, October 26, 2007
When someone told me not so long ago that I should not befriended XX because half the things she said is not true, I was shocked but amused. It’s funny because I have heard the same thing about so many other people, and if I listen to them I would not have any friends at all. Him included.
Though there are times when I wish I live on the moon alone, I know I could not survive many days without having someone entertaining my blabbing.
Just a couple of days ago, I heard a newer version of this so-called advise.
“You better don’t hangout with them so often or you’ll be in the list (of people whose future depends on people who thinks they’re in control) next”.
Seriously? At that moment, I wasn’t thinking straight so I couldn’t see the humor behind the horrible threat. I was upset because there are times when I was almost fooled with their façade. Pretending to be the nicest people to ever walk on earth. *sticks tongue out* Victim of circumstances my foot. I just want to slap them silly.
Today, I feel like a second class staff. I know it is human nature to play favorites, but there has to be a limit. Although I only lose my cool for about 10 minutes, I surely did not forget. What goes around, comes around and I hope karma will bit him hard in both his nuts because the Wuss deserves it.
I once applied replacement leave a month after the function because I was busy. Wuss rejected my application because it was over the one month validity period. I was upset but rules are rules. Today I found out, another colleague also applied replacement off a month after the function but Wuss approved his leave. Bloody hell. Wuss approved another colleague’s carried forward leave but he questioned my application.
It pisses me off because I work my butt off and this is the kind of treatment I get? I am more worried with the yearly appraisal needed to be submitted to HR by end of this month. I know he is powerless but I really hate the discrimination. He thinks I am an idiot, but he has no clue what I can do. *roars like a lioness*
I need to find a smart way to settle this.
*waves to Puteri Santubong*
I’ll keep my word. Wait and see. *jeng jeng jeng*
Sunday, October 21, 2007
I am worried though. The world is getting smaller, and smaller and smaller. No matter how hard you cross your fingers or knock on wood, paths could still cross. Hopefully when that happens, I'll know what to do. Until then, I'd rather not think about it.
I was surprised when my colleague told me she reads my blog. *blushes* When she told me this, I immediately wonder whether I have written something she shouldn't be reading. I cannot help it. It was a spontenous reaction. *waves at her* Hope you enjoy my blabbing.
I wonder what I'll do when an angry mob confronts me about the things I have written about them? As long as I don't start crying, then it's fine.
I need to go pee but it's a long long walk to the ladies. So I'll save it for later.
I am on my replacement leave today. You have no idea how good is it to be at home and do nothing. Though I can hear my son terrorizing everyone with my mom/sisters yelling at him, this is my bliss - my own space doing my own thing.
I finally watched the Indonesian movie “Heart”. I know, I know. I am so outdated, blah blah blah. I have heard so much about the movies and enjoyed the soundtracks but I haven’t seen the movie because nobody wants to go watch a sappy movie with me. Well, not here anyway.
The dilemma between love and friendship. (At this very moment the player is playing Dilemma by Nelly & Kelly Rowland. How ironic is that?) I hope I will never be caught in that position because it’s not easy. If you ask me now, I don’t even have to think to know that I will choose friendship over love. BUT I may change my mind. Love makes you do funny things.
But if I am ever in Rachel’s shoe, I hope the guy in Farel’s shoe is not an idiot like Farel’s character. I am so sorry but he just pisses me off. Maybe the way I look at the story is wrong, but hell, when your best friend died, you should at least attend the funeral right? I know the GF is dying but she’s getting a new heart, Rachel’s heart (though I assume he doesn’t know this until after Rachel’s funeral). So can’t he spend an hour or so to attend the funeral service? I am sure the GF would understand this right? I would.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
I could still remember most of the pets I/my family used to have over the years.
Stray cats. We used to have lots of them because we feed them with leftovers every night. I don’t know what happened to any of them.
My sister had two rabbits. I remember us bathing the rabbits and my mom feeding them some kind of vegetable. The next morning both rabbits died because rabbits don’t eat the type of vegetable my mom feeds them. *Opps*
I know we had few dogs but there are only two dogs that I remembered the most. One was a black dog. I remembered him/her (I don’t remember the gender) because one day on our way out, we saw him/her on by the roadside, few houses away from mine, dead. When we got home, the dead dog was no longer there. My dad told us someone had picked him for dinner. I am sure he is joking but the thought of someone eating the dog still haunts me.
Another dog I remember was a puppy my grandma sent from kampung. I think the puppy got a little disorientated after the six hours ride from Sandakan. The moment my uncle opened the car door, the poor puppy started running around our yard and dived into a monsoon drain behind my house. We, well my brothers tried to save it by holding out a stick (like that would do any good) but the puppy refused to be saved. So bye bye doggie.
We also had two tortoises. We had them when they were the size of a fifty-cent coin and grew to almost a plate size. Somehow both turtles managed to escape from the basin where my mom keeps them. According to her, she covered the basin with some wire thingy and put a big heavy stone of top of it to keep the tortoises from escaping. Well, that obviously didn’t work.
My mom also used to keep fishes. Not the fancy ones you see at the pet stores but these are the plain-looking fish. I don’t know what it is called. Ikan Karuk? Anyway, one day I was on the phone with First Crush. I told him how smart my mom’s fish were because it could do the backstroke. First Crush told me to tab the aquarium a little. There were no responses from the fish and First Crush told me that the fish had gone to a much happier place. So shy only.
When I got much older, I bought a pair of tortoise for myself because I thought it would be fun. I didn’t realise the amount of work involved because obviously my mom did all the cleaning and feeding of the escaped tortoises. When the tortoise got a little too big for the aquarium I bought for them, I got a reason to give them away to a friend who has a pond at his house. I am very sure the tortoises are very happy there with the little zoo my friend created at his home.
For my I can’t remember which birthday, my friend gave me two female and one male hamsters. Those hamsters multiplied within weeks! Though I managed to give some away, some have their own horror stories. The two female hamsters fought over the male hamster. Hamster A got bitten by Hamster B on the face and died horribly. Yes people, half of Hamster A’s face was gone. One hamster disappeared mysteriously because the cage was tightly locked but one hamster is missing. He must be one intelligent hamster to be able to unlock and lock the cage’s door. One mommy hamster gave birth for the first time and got freaked out when half of the baby hamster was sticking out of her. So she went crazy in the cage by running around and around. Next thing I know both mommy and baby hamster died. The last hamster to survive was the original male hamster I named Amai after a friend. He lived for more than two years before he died a natural death. When Amai the hamster died, her was furless and his balls were so huge, he had to dragged it around. I swear this is real. My friends think he died from ball cancer but I rather think he died of old age.
After the last hamster, I told myself not to do anything crazy like that anymore.
My brother and his girlfriend however brought an orange stray kitten home and named her Pinky Pyramid. No clue what’s with that name. Anyway, believe me when I say the cat is evil and I have scars to prove it. One incident happened in the middle of the night. I didn’t realised Pinky was sleeping on the rug right in front of my bedroom door. When I got out to go to the washroom, I ACCIDENTALLY stepped on Pinky and that cat didn’t want to let go of my left foot. Another incident was when a friend of mine who stayed in a different block invited Pinky to play with her cat. I thought Pinky could use some feline company so I carried her to my friend’s place. As we were going down the stairs, she suddenly panicked and started attacking me like a mad cat she was. I know she is just a cat, but what Pinky wants Pinky gets because if you don’t give it to her, she’ll start attacking you. One day she went out of the house and refused to come home. Last I saw her; she was like the queen stray cat of the place we used to live.
I have plenty bad experiences with animals. A protective mommy cow chased me and I jumped over a four-foot fence. I was chased around school by a dog. A dog tried to bite my head because she likes me *rolls eyes* A cat clawed my thighs while I was seating on a chair and that cat dangled on air for 10 seconds.
These reasons are enough to justify my reason for never wanting a pet. Animals and I just don’t click.
But if I could keep any pet I want, any pet at all, I would like to have a baby chimpanzee or a baby elephant. That would be something. So until I could get myself either one, I’ll stick to Ek Ek my froggy at Fluff Friends.
Ohh... I must never forget my tomagochi pet. He died numerous time from his own... waste. Hee. So if I am ever going to get that pet chimpanzee or elephant, they better know how to clean after themselves.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I’ve been saying the wrong thing the whole day and it’s tiring.
E.g. He came all the way here just to take toilet.
What I meant was “He came all the way here from the toilet just to take tissue paper.
I was actually looking forward to come to work but the moment I stepped into the office, my whole enthusiasm disappeared. Don’t ask me why because I do not know the answer. Like I said, I am already counting to the next holiday, which is this weekend. *woohoo*
Hopefully I don’t have to work this Sunday larr. *grrr* If he’s lazy then why do I have to do it?My colleague is right. I need to tell this people off when they’ve crossed the line. But it is easier said than done. I must think of a smart way to handle this problem. I will never win a shouting match.
I am so freakin’ lazy, I wish I didn’t have to work late today.
Btw, I watched Berbagi Suami (Indonesian movie) on Astro Ria last night. It’s about life of three women who are in polygamy relationships (each with their own story). I love the way each of their stories was told.
I also love the fact that strangers or even people I barely know could share my life story as well. I think it’s true. No matter how different we are, at the end of the day, we all want the same thing; love, happiness & security.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Maaf Zahir & Batin.
This is the second year I celebrate Hari Raya at home. I usually celebrate it with friends at their house, stuffing myself with too much ketupat and rendang. I did get one invitation to an open house, but her house is at the other end of the planet so I decide to log in to FB instead. *sticks tongue out*
It’s a long holiday but I feel so damn restless.
Maybe it’s the weather and I am just bored. I don’t feel like going out of the house either. There’s nothing good on TV. So Houston, we have a problem.
I had a strange dream the other night. I dreamt that I was in the car with a guy who was my BF. Well at least I think so larr. I don’t know why but I was brushing my teeth in the car. *LOL* Then the guy told me he doesn’t like the way I brush my teeth. He say it’s annoying and told me to brush it his style. I was like *heh* Then I told him I couldn’t take it anymore and I want to end the relationship. Suddenly there was this three of his friends at the back seat of the car. They were making fun of me and said I was being a cry baby. The BF, well ex BF then said I am being selfish.
Then I woke up.
What was that supposed to mean?
Even in my dream, my relationship sucks.
Maybe it was a sign from the universe telling me that I shouldn’t get into a relationship kan? But some people say, dreams mean the opposite thing. *fingers crossed*
First of all, what is the definition of Catfight?
Catfight is a term for an altercation between two women, typically involving scratching, slapping, hair pulling, and shirt shredding as opposed to punching or wrestling. It can also be used to describe two human females insulting each other verbally or being otherwise nasty to each other. The many ways that women compare themselves to other women and compete with each other are also referred to as catfighting. Catfights are different from other kinds of fights involving women because they usually involve competition between two or more women, usually over men.
I don’t scratch, slap nor do I pull hair or shred shirts. What more punching or wrestling. Insulting each other verbally or being nasty? I swear I don’t but maybe I’ve deleted it from my memory bank. But whatever it is, the allegation is baseless.
Some people really have nothing to do.
However, I do agree that some people are a little overboard with their sarcasm BUT I think the sarcasm didn’t sink in so it’s not biggie. Unless they pretend not to understand in front of us but complain to the boss behind our back. Which means, they did feel the heat larr. *hmmm*
Seriously people, this office politics sucks big time. I don’t know who to listen and believe anymore. Saddest thing is, I am accused of things that never even crossed my mind. I know it’s lonely out there but it is really necessary to drag everyone with them?
Someone seems to think that we are ganging up on her because we are jealous of her. *rolls eyes* Oh please la. I got so many things to do with my time e.g. sleep than to plan for her destruction. The paranoia happens because she’s the one who’s badmouthing about everyone else and will do anything to make sure she looks good in front of everyone else. I seriously do not care if she wants to be on top but please stop hallucinating because it is just pathetic.
Few nights ago, I met up with some old friends. I never realised how much I missed them until I got home. My fault for not trying harder to be a better friend. What I love most about these people are the fact that they are still the same girls I know 13 years ago. I had a wonderful time and I am already looking forward to our next gathering. *does the samba*
Some people really do not get sarcasm do they? Poor poor thing. I didn't know how to react when I received her email.
Noticed you were in a spot of trouble. Here, I’ve whipped up something for you to use.
OMG. She was the one who's in charge of the function. I've asked for the photo to send the photo release but that didn't happened. When the management questioned us this morning, my colleague jokingly blamed me but her sarcasm was for that person who didn't do her job. Not long after that I received the above email from her.
I didn't know what to do. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to strangle someone. I wanted to do all the above. If she already did the press release, then why didn't she send it herself or at least forward them to me yesterday?
Thank goodness tomorrow is a holiday. I don't know what I'll do if I have to go through another day of this. I'd probably attack everyone with the hot glue gun.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
I am so quick to lose my temper these days. What is the matter with me?
I received the forwarded emails of the late Nurin’s post mortem photos. I couldn’t bring myself to look at it. The photos is not ours to see. It’s too personal. It’s already terrible for her to go through what she went through but even after her death, she is not left to rest in peace. When I commented this, someone emotionally blamed the cops or those who did the autopsy for taking the photos and circulated it through email. She claimed it is irresponsible and disgusting thing to do but she herself forwarded those pictures to her friends.
We always go on blaming everyone else without thinking that we are doing exactly the same.
*sighs* I sometimes wish people will not tell me things so I won't think unnecessarily. The more information I know, the more I want to analyze the situation or understand why people react in such ways. I wish I could turn it off but it is so bloody difficult.
The funny thing is, most time I'd be wondering if the information that I've gotten is reliable.
Must work be so politically stressing? Should I put up a fight? Will I be able to hold my ground? When I questioned, I am not a team player. When I give in, I am an arse kisser. So confusing. It's tiring. It's not funny.
Anyone can/will tell you that I am no love expert. I do not know or understand many things. So people, this entry is purely based on MY personal opinion.
Love is a GOOD thing. I believe love should make you a better person not otherwise. Yes, I do agree that love is something that we are not in control of. It comes and goes without us realizing or asking. Sure it hurts like hell when someone betrays your love or even when your love is unrequited. It sucks but time surely heals.
Now, I have nothing against those who found their other half in the work place. I do however do have a problem with those who needs to show the whole world that they are in love. It’s okay if it doesn’t effect their work performance but when their professionalism is out in the window and people come to me to talk/ask about it, I’d get irritated. And embarrassed which is stupid because I am not the one who is acting like a fool.
The wanting to get his or her attention bit is also annoying. Like, I know you can do it on your own but you pretend that you can’t do it so the other half would fuss over you and all. It’s nauseating. *rolls eyes* Another thing I cannot take is the love song during office hour. Once is too much but to listen to it over and over and over is CRAZY. I had to use all my patience to stop myself from "otromen" these people.
I just think there are certain things you need to keep to yourself and your love life is definitely one of those things. Extra marital affair is a big NO NO to me but some people have no problem parading their affairs with people from the office some more. *tsk tsk tsk* What are they thinking?
I think it’s risky to have a relationship with someone from work. We are all human who are very much influence by our feelings and emotion. I mean, when you see your partner a little friendlier to the opposite sex, don’t you feel a little jealous? Then, when you guys are having a fight, how do you keep yourself from attacking each other when he or she is there?
Btw, don’t you get bored spending 24/7 together?
There is a reason why some corporations do not encourage husband and wife working together. But if you cant help yourself but to fall in love with another colleague, do us all a favor, save those loving for home kay.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Ekiel: No. Mommmmy. What’s your name?
Ekiel: No. Mommmmy. Mommmmy. What’s your name?
Ekiel: No. Mommmmy. What’s your name?
Me: My name is Clara
Ekiel: Okay la. Clara Mommmmy
The other day in the office, I received an email and my temper rose immediately. I could feel the expression on my face changing. I took deep breaths to calm myself down but it didn’t help to soothe my aching heart. "Wtf? Who do they think I am, their help?" I started typing. I typed and I typed. I wanted to use "colorful" words but sanity told me to be grown up about this. My hands were shaking and my heart was beating so fast. My colleague noticed my shaking hands and she thought I was starving. Heh? I walked out feeling better because although the email wasn’t exactly written the way I really feel, at least I sent it.
Was the matter solved? Obviously it didn’t because some people just refused see the problem.
I don’t understand why the scheduled was scrapped for some people but I still have to do my bit. It’s not like no one was there to accompany the group. There’s three of us and five of them. *rolls eyes* Not only it was unnecessary but it was uncomfortable to witness something I shouldn’t know about.
Not everyone has common sense. A fact I already know, but with everyone reconfirming this lately, I find it scary. Maybe it’s just me. BUT if you want to do what your heart desires, then move to the moon. You labeled yourself as civilized, educated, intelligent, blah blah blah and yet you act like a bloody idiot. Shy only. Now, I know you don’t care what other people say about you, but if you want to order people around, you must earn the respect. The things you’re doing now only make you pathetic.
The other day, a colleague of mine wrote me a note during a meeting when someone wanted to play hero by bragging about his non-existent self and pinpointing everyone else’s mistakes/shortfalls.
Why do we have people like them here on earth?
I wanted to laugh because to many of us, she was one of those "people".
Anyway, I don’t know the real reason but I believe they are put amongst us a reminder not to be one of them.
What do you think?
Thursday, October 04, 2007
I am SO counting for my next vacation. Some people ticked me off so much, I want to "otromen" until they all hangus. *sighs* I know I shouldn’t let them get to me, but damn these people are good. They even haunt my dreams at night.
Last night, my son pretended he was a cat. He made me "meow" with him.
My son was supposed to get a haircut last Sunday. But before we could go in the shop, he refused to go in and started screaming and crying like a mad boy. He told me "No need cut hair". I gave up because many were staring at us like we’re circus clowns. If he wants to have hair like Billy Ray Cyrus during those days, so be it.
I am just tired with people asking me the gender of my son.
But doesn’t he look like a boy?
Even with that long curly hair I think he looks like a boy.
Of course I’m the mommy so what I think is invalid.
*sticks tongue out*
I think my 21/2 year-old son has a future in politics. Why? When we go out, he has a need to approach people especially women/girls. He will go up to them, say hello and shakes their hands. Sometimes he would have one-sided conversation with them. One-sided because the other person does not understand his baby talk. He would go on and on until he’s distracted by other things. He would also wave everyone goodbye especially to cab drivers when we take the cab and expects them to wave him back. When he sees another kid crying, he would go to them and ask, "what happened?" There are times though when he got a new toy or something, he would go up to other kids and say, "It’s mine"
It’s good that he is building his pr skills at a very young age, but there are times when I do not want to mix/mingle with strangers. Once he starts, then I have to give my apologetic smile and that will lead to unwanted conversations. I am a bad person. I know. But sometimes I just want some peace and quiet doing my own thing. Know what I mean?
I am very happy to hear the good news. *yay* Again, I know I am a bad person, but I wish people were more… excited for me. *sighs* I don’t know what I want or expect to happen but it would be nice to be acknowledge like some people. It doesn’t matter larr. This is for my own good anyway, so it doesn’t matter what other people think kan? But I can’t help to wonder how many of them thinks I don’t deserve it.
I can already imagine my mom’s reaction. "Bah, do your best lah". So boring.
*Ughh* I need some excitement in my life or I’ll go insane.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
How can someone so beautiful and survived what she has gone through be so mean and rude? And why do I have to cross path with them so often?
I said “Shouldn’t be a problem but let me check with the management first.” Which part of that sentence that says, “Yes, it’s confirmed so please book your air ticket now”? *rolls eyes*
Last night, after I tucked my son to bed, I heard him breathing heavily. I thought he was having problem breathing. I went to check and I saw him looking at me sadly while trying his best to hold his tears. I asked him what’s wrong and he started sobbing and said “Mommy, sayang (love) me.” It breaks my heart to see my son asking me to love him like that.
I was busy and my mind/attention is elsewhere the past few weeks. I didn’t realize he feels neglected because he is always happy/laughing/mischievous/active so I assumed he is you know, happy. When I am at home, I will normally let him do whatever he wants to do while I’ll do my own thing. Sometimes I forget my life doesn’t revolve around me only anymore. *head hangs in shame*
This morning, he is the same old him. Loud and playful. Every morning we will have this ritual where my son will want to follow me to work, my dad or mom will do the chasing around bit, my son will then change his tactic by wanting to give me a goodbye kiss/hug me and when I give him one, he will not let go. Then one of the parents will have to tug him away and lastly when I finally get into the car, he will wave at me, give me a flying kiss and close the door.
I think this is some sort of a game to him.
In my previous entry, I mentioned about a colleague of mine who was devastated with her break-up with the BF. She went to the extreme by wanting to end her life because she couldn’t take the pain. She has a daughter but she thinks it’s okay to leave her daughter behind because the child’s father (btw, they’re divorced) would take care of her. I am shocked. I don’t know what other people think, but I find it’s stupid. Apparently she did took the pills in front of my other colleagues and now in the hospital still being very stupid.
So sad oh kan how some people are just selfish.
But I must not criticize other people. Who knows what I’ll do during my moment of weakness kan?
The funny thing is when my colleague tried to calm her by using me as an example “It’s not easy for her too. She’s a single mother like you but she enjoys her single life”. Her respond was “I’m not strong like her”. If she only knew what I feel/think sometime. Maybe I should get her to read my blog. *sticks tongue out*
But I must say this to all men.
If you’ve already dumped the girl, NEVER sleep with her again be it for good times sake kah, one for the road kah, or whatever idiotic reasons you can come up with. It’s NOT NICE. And if you did, NEVER tell people that you slept with her because she wanted it. Seriously? Have you no brain? *tsk tsk tsk*
When I got home yesterday, my son pretended he was a dog. He was on his knees, barking and pretended his hands were paws and used it to rub his face. You know, like a dog. He also rubbed his face on my legs. Hee. Sometimes I don’t know what is going on in that little head of his.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Me: The boy definitely.
No, I wasn’t seeing a shrink or a counselor. I was with the Resort’s doctor after experiencing giddiness, itchy nose/throat/ears, difficulty to sleep and sharp pains in my tummy for the past few days. I also developed an allergy reaction to a necklace that I have been wearing for almost a month. The Doc said I am showing symptoms of the flu and prescribed me almost the whole pharmacy and rescheduled me to come back for a full check-up for another a personal matter.
This about to happen flu explains my cranky and moodiness for the past few days. Maybe I am naturally a b**** but this is what the Doc said. If you’re wondering the connection of the above question and my check-up, he was trying to find the source of my stress. Hee.
I watched The Break-Up last night. I don’t know why but the movie reminded me of one of my previous relationship. It didn’t happened exactly like the movie but it just brought back memories.
Gary was somewhat like X. I invested a lot of time and effort into the relationship but he just takes thing for granted. He was brought up that way but OMG, the world doesn’t revolve around him only right? I cannot remember what is it about him that made me stay that long but the last straw was when I waited for him at the movies for two hours! He then had the nerve to tell me to stop my sulking because he doesn’t like it. Fyi, I was very upset but I wasn’t sulking. I just didn’t say a word to him because if I do, it will only be an argument.
So the next day I told him to take a hike. Well, I emailed him actually. *whistles* I told him it will never work but let’s just stay as friends. A week later, he called me up and invited me out. As friends. So I agreed. I got a very rude surprise when he introduced his new girlfriend to me. I admit I was shocked, a little upset and pissed off when he keeps telling me his new three-day old girlfriend is a successful lawyer, more beautiful and a better girlfriend. Fyi, my loyal friends assured me I am far better than that girl. *LOL*
Anyway, after a while, I couldn’t take it anymore. I know I dumped him but I still do care (at that moment) for that idiot. I lose my cool and broke down. He saw that I was upset and INSISTED that we talk. Like hello, you pull this kind of stunt and you still wanna talk? I told him to go away but he physically forced me to go with him. I started screaming and the next thing I know I went berserk. I went on and on about the things he did and didn’t do. Told him that my friends think he’s useless but I defended him because underneath all that laziness and irresponsibility, I see a man who can be anything he wants to be.
I also told him I am sorry I am not successful, beautiful and good enough for him. Though this was alcohol talking I still regretted for telling him that because that is so not true. Right? I mean, when I think about it later he was the one job-hopping and drunk/stoned every night. He was the one not successful, beautiful or good enough for me.
I don’t know what was he thinking at that very moment. Maybe he was thankful that he broke up with a crazy woman *LOL* He apologized for being an arse and I apologized for being lunatic. We later had beer and everything was okay. After that incident, we still remained as friends. For a while. Then I got tired of his bad habits and his whining about the miseries in his life.
Oh yeah, that new girlfriend of his, he dumped her two days later. She was upset with him because that night, he left her with his friends while he hang out with me for the rest of that night. *evil laugh*
So, that was my first (and hopefully) last public argument. So embarrassing. I know. I used to roll my eyes when I see couples fight in public. *head hangs in shame* Anyhoo, I do not recommend it to anybody because what I remembered most that night wasn’t only my screaming, but also the stares of other people like I was their freak show.
Anyway, yes, when I saw the movie last night, it reminded me of that relationship. The only relationship I put so much effort in but at the end I just have to let it go. It wasn’t meant to be. It’s as simple as that.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
I am drowning with work.
The funny/stupid thing is, I am busy helping other people doing their tasks.
I made a sarcastic remark about it but no one cared.
Today, all my work was left untouched while they are people who take all the credit for the work we (my other colleagues and I) do for them. Since I work late today, I am allowed to take half day off tomorrow but because I need to finish the work that I didn’t do today, I still have to come to work tomorrow morning because tomorrow afternoon I need to go out to the office and play Santa and in the evening I need to entertain some people. *woohoo*
Am I productive or what? Considering my PC died and I have to make do with available PCs, of course the good thing is, those available PCs are way more high-tech then my dead PC.
I am worried about my abusive two-year old son. My mom and I have enough bruises to press charge him in court. The other night my son scratched my face when I wouldn’t stop tickling him. I actually bleed a little. Then two nights ago, he threw a book at me and it hit me in the eye. My eye swelled a little. Last night, he made me his personal radio. He would pinch my nose and demanded me to sing as per his request. He will pinch and make me change song every 30 seconds. When I told him to cut it out, he pinched my nose harder.
These are only a few of the many things he did. If I tell you every single thing he did, you would shake your head and wish me good luck. *sighs* If he doesn’t change his ways as he get older, someone is so going to a seminary or military school.
Friday was a crazy day. I finished work at 10pm. WE organize a get together with the press for Breaking of Fast. The funny thing is, it’s not even my thing but I ended up organizing and hosting it. Though the whole thing was a mess, and only two reporters came, at least it was done and there’s a guaranteed article in the newspaper.
I went out with some friends last night. Once again I played the listening buddy card. Not that I was interested in anyone in particular. You know what else I noticed last night? I am old. Well, I am the oldest among the friends last night. There was this 22 year old guy who was nursing his broken heart by flirting and later stalking a friend of mine who is 5 years his senior. Another friend was interested in this guy and that guy is 3 years her junior. I am older than all of them.
The only exciting thing happened last night was I lost my voice for unknown reason.
I am still croaky today.
After the get together with the press, we continued talking (or rather I listened more than talking) with another press about many things. We started discussing about another colleague of mine who is having problem accepting that her relationship is over.
Although we have different views on how to handle that colleague of ours, at the end of the day we all agree that matters of the heart are complex. We also agreed that women need to respect and give credit to themselves more. Sure it hurts like hell the first few weeks but it will surely heal. Instead of calling/sms-ing him continuously when he doesn’t bother to reply any of them, I say go pamper yourself. Dress up and go out with friends. Go shopping. Go get a new haircut. No one should make you feel crappy about yourself.
We are independent, educated and successful women. We don’t need a guy to make us feel good about ourselves.
Sadly, there are still many women who think marriage is the only way to measure your accomplishment. They are so caught up in trying to find themselves a husband, they forget the other important things.
Fyi, I don’t have anything against marriage. It’s a good thing. But love yourself first before you go and chase that fairytale romance you always dream about.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Work isn’t so bad. *does happy dance* Of course there are those ‘headaches” but I am so used to it, it doesn’t bother me that much anymore. It is all part of the work.
“He’s short and plump. Not a candidate to be my boyfriend”.
All I asked was “Who’s XX?”
Sometimes I wonder if I am in a bad dream and I would wake up laughing at the absurdity of some people. Unfortunately this is no dream. There are times when I ask myself why do I bother to mind whatever that comes out from my mouth. I also don’t understand why some people are excused for being silly e.g. making idiotic statements but I am criticized for championing common sense and independence e.g. life goes on with or without a man in my life.
People tell me I don’t understand. Please larr. I understand a lot of things. I just don’t tell the whole world I know everything like some people OR talking about the same subject over and over because that’s the only thing I know. *rolls eyes*
Maybe I am a b**** but there are so many other important things to talk about than the lives of the celebrities or the world of entertainment. Instead of talking about Erra Fazira’s dowry for her second marriage, shouldn’t we worry about the craziness that is happening in our society today?
I received two sad news today. Just last week my colleague was telling me about her 5-month old niece Baby Donna. Today she informed me that Baby Donna had passed away Sunday night due to Cholera. I can only imagine the pain Baby Donna’s parent is going through. When I was still thinking about Baby Donna, I was informed that another colleague of mine had also lost his six-month old baby last night.
I don’t understand why it has to happened but it reminds me how precious time we have with our loved ones.
I have learned to forgive and now I must learn to forget.
I wonder if the world was crying for them last night.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
My son seems to think it’s funny though. He keeps pushing my button and I’ve used up all the patience I have not to hang him upside down from the mango tree. *roars like an angry lioness* Don’t worry people, I was just joking about the mango tree.
It’s Sunday and I am thinking about work. *sighs* I cannot help but to think of the yelling I’m going to get for the delay of those stupid Japanese collateral and the photo frame for the winners. *bangs head on wall* I know I know, I should have been more aggressive in pushing everyone but we are all adults so why can’t everyone be responsible and finish what they’re supposed to do on time and without being force to? With me being grumpy and cranky these past few days it’s very difficult for me to consent the scolding I don’t deserve but surely will get.
You know what I want to do at this very moment?
I don’t. If you do please let me know.
My Land of Ifs is broken. No matter how hard I try to let my mind free, I just can’t do it. I cannot imagine what it would be like when I hit the Jackpot. I cannot imagine the day I get to kick those idiotic people’s arses. I cannot imagine That Guy professing his undying love for me. I try and I try and all I got was a dead tone.
“The Land that you are trying to call is no longer in service. Thank you.”
I am now listening to I Love Your Smile by Shanice. This song reminded me of a boy my friends and I used to stalk. *LOL* He has this gorgeous smile with dimples I just want to lick. Or pinch. He was very shy and we were scary. We would send him messages through his younger brother but he never replies them. *chuckles* We would even follow him around and the more he blushed the more we try to get his attention. We never spoke to that boy and I don’t remember why my friends and I stopped our Saturday evening activity. I wonder what happened to him. Maybe I should try and Google him.
When I think about it, I wonder what happened to me. I used to be very aggressive and I don’t care what happens. Once, my friend and I followed this gorgeous guy around in a shopping mall for an hour or so. We didn’t go talk to him or anything. We were bored and we wanted to see what he was doing. I’m sure the guy knew we were following him around, I mean we were not discreet about it with our loud talking and laughing. We don't giggle, we laughed. Out loud. I swore he smiled when my friend declared that guy has a nice butt. Hee. Those days were fun.
I know I don’t have the guts to do that again. The thought of passing That Guy alone is enough to make my heart go crazy. I think I’d have a heart attack if he caught me looking at him what more to be caught following him around.
Why do we worry too much as we get older?
Saturday, September 15, 2007
I should have listened to my mom when I was a kid.
*sticks tongue out*
My arse is freezing. Whoever controls the centralized aircond is an idiot. There are days when I can’t breathe because there is no ventilation in this office because the aircond wasn’t switched on. There are also days like today when it is so cold, my fingers hurt when I type.
Thank goodness it’s the weekend. Monday is a public holiday so *woohoo*. I have No plans or whatsoever. No, I am not unhappy about that ya. I am going to hog the remote control and watch TV the whole day. What a joy. Hee.
Have a good one people.
Friday, September 14, 2007
- Hanging out with friends after work, drinking glasses and glasses of Teh Ais Limau/Teh Tarik/Iced Milo for hours
- Whining and complaining how life sucks without friends thinking I am being a sadist
- Having friends who would just agree with my criticizing those people who gives me grief although I am the b****y one
- Going out dancing without worrying if I will look out of place among those young things with their tiny clothes
- The arse kicking authentic Penang Char Koey Teow unlike the one fried with soya sauce sold nearby here
- The DELICIOUS Nasi Lemak Petai Udang sold by that Kakak Corner Jalan at PJS 10 every evening
- Or the tasty Nasi Lemak Kerang sold by that Pakcik Kancil Merah at SS6 every morning
- My bad habit
- Having good guy friends who sometimes forget I have boobs and occasionally wears skirts
- Having someone who makes me feel sexy/beautiful even after I ate the whole Dunkin’ Donut shop and I have a gigantic zit on my forehead
- Knowing there is someone wants to share my tomorrows and thinks my eccentricity is cute and not psychotic
I am feeling a lot better. Excuse my insane entry yesterday. I needed to get it out from my chest and blogging is my only source of comfort these days.
It’s crazy considering the people I know and write may stumble upon this blog and read all this. But hey, I mention no names and whatever I have written are truly personal feelings. I still give them the respect and benefit of the doubt every human being deserves no matter how poisonous their lies are or how painful that knife sticking behind my back is.
If you think it is you I am talking about and is upset with what you read, please go away.
If I were a man, I’d go punch someone/something. But because I am a woman, I am only allowed to take deep breathes. Other reactions are considered emotional and weak. How unfair is that?
I hate those who show attitude and temper in the morning. Someone should push them into the sea to chill them out. Push, pull, and repeat until they cool down. On normal days, these people wouldn’t affect me that much. Today, I just want to kick some arse. *beats chest like Tarzan*
You know what else I hate? Hypocrites.
You can’t shake off your deep feelings today. Deal with them, and they’ll vanish.
Easier said than done my friend.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
I was dumbfounded when I heard the question. I couldn’t tell what surprised me more; the question itself or the untactful way the question was asked.
I don’t remember ever being put in the position where I became very defensive about our country. Despite what the other country think about us, I personally feel we are far better off then some of them. Maybe not in terms of technology and development, but at least we value our morality, culture and heritage.
Nevertheless, the foreign journalist was very interesting to talk to.
I think I surprised her when I said I have no plans of migrating overseas because this is my home and my heart is where my family is. Honestly, I surprised myself too. I wonder what happened to those dreams of living in a foreign land meeting new and exciting people every day.
The peace and harmony at my house was disturbed by the lack of Astro. Thing is, a family member footed the Astro bill and apparently the bill is not paid for this month. After the third time, I wonder if this is their subtle way to ask us to pay our own bill. Not that we don’t want to but my mom didn’t want that family member to think we are too proud for “assistance”. She insisted we wait until we are told to pay our own bill, which I personally think is somewhat humiliating. *sighs* It’s not easy to please everyone isn’t it?
I used to hate it when people take pity on my family but I have learned to accept it and return the favor by helping other people.
So what did my family and I do while the rest of Malaysia watched High School Musical 2? We watched one of my sisters played video games. We cheered when she won and mocked her when she lost. The funny thing is, it was kinda fun.
I hate this stupid computer at work. I had to restart the damn thing eleven times today!!! *bangs head on keyboard* I used to joke that when I throw the PC into the sea, those fishes will only laugh at me and throw it right back. I begin to think it may really happen.
How do you explain to someone who doesn’t want to accept the obvious? Call me a b****, whatever, but it’s not my fault if they themselves put ideas into their head.
I just knocked my finger with the large hole-puncher. I think it was a sign for me to stop whining.
I wrote the above four days ago but I had problem logging to blogspot. *sighs*
Today is Thursday. I was in good spirit this morning and WAS very optimistic about the tomorrows. I know I am being very immature and idiotic about this but I just cannot help it. I really think I need professional help. Or maybe someone to perform exorcism. I don’t know larr. What is wrong with me? *bangs head on wall*
Btw, my PC finally died and everyone thinks I've gone crazy for celebrating the death of my PC. Of course without a PC I can’t do much but this being a slow month at work and everyone is taking their annual leave, I still have access to the Internet. *claps hand* Yes, and work too of course. *whistles* And no, I have no clue when I will get my PC fixed or replaced. I spoke with the IT guy and he told me to take a number. *rolls eyes* Another good news is my Astro is back on. Apparently that family member already gave the instruction to pay the bill but the driver didn’t do it immediately. The timing couldn’t be perfect because I begin to hate that stupid computer game my siblings play. My son too plays the driving game though he would just let the car run into everything and anything. Hee.
How pathetic can I be? My (social) life depends on paid cable.
Jealousy sucks especially when I am doing all the jealous-ing over the stupidest thing. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Oh well. Maybe I will laugh about this after 10 years but at this moment, I just don’t think/feel I could survive this pain.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
My colleague and I had a good laugh when we read an email about our character according to the month we were born.
This is true. If you can see my thoughts, you will have a headache
Loves reality and abstract
Yes, yes, things must make sense. At least to me.
Intelligent and clever
I am no rocket scientist but I do know a thing or two about certain things.
My colleagues all agreed that this is so me. I don’t think so. *whistles* But if adapting to situations/circumstances count, then I guess so larr
Sexiest out of everyone
*bats mascara-ed eyelashes sexily*
Me? Temperamental? Only when provoke with attitude problem and stupidity.
Quiet, shy and humble
I am. I am. I am. My colleagues only laughed at me. *sticks tongue out*
Honest and loyal
I am honest almost about everything but if you want loyalty, get a dog. I work for the money. Hee.
Determined to reach goals
Maybe not SO determined. Remember my Learn New Language project? I am still on page 1.
Rebellious when restricted
Aah... those were days. I am too old now to have curfews or to be grounded.
SO not true and everyone can vouch for it. I am all talk and no action when it comes to aggressiveness kay.
Too sensitive and easily hurt
LOL. I am as tough/strong as the... bull. Heh?
Gets angry really easily but does not show it
If you could only read my mind then you would understand why.
Dislikes unnecessary things
Loves making friends but rarely shows it
Like I said before, I am not the BFF after 1 second kinda girl.
*LOL* *rolls on floor* *wipes tears* *LOL* You think I want to admit this in my blog? *LOL* - My colleagues had the best time laughing at me about this. *sticks tongue out* *gives middle finger*
Daring and stubborn
Depending on circumstances and level of alcohol?
I am ambitious.
Realizing dreams and hopes
But I don’t/haven’t realize it. Not yet anyway.
After my cup of coffee.
Loves entertainment and leisure
Excuse me but who doesn’t?
Romantic on the inside not outside
Personally, I think romance is intimate and personal, and the rest of the world doesn’t need to know your business. Thank you.
Superstitious and ludicrous
Superstitious, not really but I do unconsciously practice a few, for you know, just in case & luck. Ludicrous, I hope everyone is laughing WITH me not at me
Yeah but I have been really good with my budgets lately. Well at least I try larr
Tries to learn to show emotions
To me, this sort of information is purely for fun only. I believe those people who put so much faith in these predictions or readings are missing a lot of things in their life. I mean, I admit I do like it when the readings say there’s a guy who is head over heels in love with me. It’s a real good self-esteem booster. But of course I do realize that it is only a reading and is not necessarily true. Because if it does, I would have lots of money, met my Mr Perfect and gotten married by now. *sticks tongue out*
Aquarius: You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistake repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you’re a jerk. You enjoy getting screwed by large inanimate objects.
*LOL* *stomach cramps* *wipes tears*