Friday, June 22, 2007


One more day before the surprise party and my sister is freaking out.
I don’t blame her.
This is supposed to be THE party and it Must Must Must be perfect.
If I weren’t too caught up with work I would freak out too.

Everything that needs to be done is done.
We are now waiting for tomorrow to come and hopefully no one screws up the plan.
I am more concerned about the weather.
It has gone mad and has been raining every night for the past weeks.
PLEASE DON’T RAIN TOMORROW. *keeping my fingers crossed*

I am feeling a little sick today.
My throat hurts.

I asked a friend to truthfully enlighten me of certain situation.
His reply was blunt.
I admit I got all teary but he does have a point.
The saddest thing is, I already know all that.
But I was hoping no one else would notice.

The last thing I want is to think That Guy likes me when in fact he doesn’t. I am too old to be playing games like this. One side of me knows this is just a waste of my time and a heartache waiting to happen, but the other side wants to believe that someone is actually romantically interested in me.

Yes, I do need to feel special too.

I could think of many reasons why I am not anybody’s type. Although it is mostly physical and many people would try to assure me, it’s the inside that counts, I am still not convinced that romance was ever meant for me.
I always let the nice ones go and cling on to those who breaks me heart. I try too hard when it wasn’t worth it and I gave up when I should have work it out. I am great at giving advices on relationship but I stink at it.

Truth is, I don’t know how to handle all this romance business. Unlike many other women, I wouldn’t know if a guy likes me. When a guy calls me, to me it’s just a phone call not a declaration of love. It always amazes (amuses) me when someone tells me a guy/girl is interested in them just because he/she was looking at them a little too long or he/she tries/want to talk to them regularly. To me, that doesn’t make any sense.

I admit there were times when I thought of the same thing to but clearly I was wrong. Even when a guy wrote to me "I Love You" I was wrong too. Even if a guy tells me he likes me I would wonder if it is just a big joke or did he and his friends made a bet on me. How can I not but be overly conscious about all this?

Experiences, mine and others, taught me to be careful with my heart.
But these days, with my emotions running all over the place, I don’t even trust myself anymore.

Though some may not agree but I say don’t play games you can’t win.

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