me no (role) model

I am no model material. I know that. Maybe there was a time very long ago when I thought modeling would be a fantastic job for me, BUT one look in the mirror I knew my modeling career is over even before it started. And I am okay with that.

This morning I found out I was assigned with another colleague to look for models for a photo shoot we are organizing. I was irritated because this wasn’t part of my job and I am overloaded with so many other things especially next week. Why the task was assigned to us (my colleague and I) is beyond me. But it wasn’t a big deal. I mean how difficult will it be to find people within the resort to model under the sun, in the middle of the sea for FREE? *rolls eyes*

Then I found out about a conversation between The Arse Kissing Wuss (Wuss) and The Gangsta Paradise I-AM-THE-ONLY Big Boss (Gangsta Paradise).
(To be fair, I heard about this from a third party. Accuracy is not guaranteed but this is more or less what happened)

Gangsta Paradise: Don’t tell me XX and Clara are the models.
Wuss: No larr, I got better taste than that.
Gangsta Paradise + Wuss: Hahahaha
S&M Dept: Hahahaha

My other colleague told me what happened while Wuss was telling me to read the instruction he emailed. Before my colleague could finish, Wuss said it wasn’t a big deal. I insisted my colleague to finish her sentence but Wuss left before I could hear what happened. I would have verbally attacked Wuss because I was seriously pissed off and my heart was beating so fast I knew I would lose my cool. Lucky for Wuss who is indeed a wuss for running out of here before I transformed into Incredible Hulk.

Call me sensitive but that hurt.
Especially when I am already feeling very shitty about myself.

People mistook my silence as stupidity and weakness.
*chuckles*

All my comments, remarks and concerns are not baseless. It is already proven that I do have a point but no one gives a damn about it. They preach about ownership and yet they blindly make decisions/take actions that are wasting our resources. Fyi, I am not saying I am perfect or the best employee in the resort because I am not. All I’m saying is hear what the rest of us the ikan bilis (anchovies – a term used to stress the insignificant of a person. Why anchovies? Because they’re small compared to the other fishes) have to say because we are the ones who are doing the work while the rest just know how to point their fingers and give useless instructions.

Like I said before, just because we’re at the bottom of the company hierarchy it doesn’t mean we’re stupid or incapable. Sometimes it’s circumstantial. Sometimes it’s preference. I had no choice but to accept a Coordinator position because I do not have hotel experience. It’s fair. But I do know a few things about advertising, media, advertising fees, etc from my previous job. At least I know more than some of them and I am still keeping in touch about the advertising industry through friends. So why they don’t take advantage of this is a mystery to me.

I also know of two waiters at the hotel with university degrees in business and law. They started as part timers because they desperately needed a job (it is not easy to look for a job here) after they graduated and they fell in love with their job so they decided to do it permanently.

Now, I am not making it up because the information about them having a degree is from HR. And I myself also do not understand why anyone would want to waste their degree like that. I’ve waited tables before and I only lasted for a day because it was CRAZY. But this is their life and their decision and they also have my utmost respect. Most graduates would not even imagine themselves waiting table for a living. But I guess they are better than those who have nothing but brag about their non-existent greatness.

Why are some people so status crazy?
When I imagine the responsibility of a boss, I get nervous. Of course the pay is excellent but is the headache, long hour, hard work, politic and pressure of the future of the company/department on your shoulder really worth it?
I don’t think so.