Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Sino what?

Spoilt. Pampered. Disrespectful. A pain in the arse. Arrogant.
Kids today. They think they understand/know life. HA.

I know life is shitty. Been there, done that. I am pretty sure I have gone through a more horrifying experience but I do not use it an excuse to be a brat. *sigh* I do try my best not to get involve, but there is such a thing as TOO MUCH. In my head, I am kicking & shaking some sense into her and scream "THE WORLD IS BIGGER THAN YOU THINK AND IT CERTAINLY DOESN’T REVOLVE AROUND YOU, DAMNIT." I still don’t understand why my mom/dad tolerates it. If I were to retaliate like that those days, I would surely get a good beating. Oh please don’t let Ekiel be like that when he is in his teens.

The creative writing class was okay. It wasn’t as bad as I imagine it to be. The so-called lecturer is a funnyman with a colorful personality. We had to read our writing for the whole class to hear and I was shaking with nervousness. Yes, I was really shaking and my heart was beating so fast, I thought it would run into hiding. It was really a shame considering there were only five of us in the class, including the so-called lecturer. *tsk tsk tsk* I can never get over my fear of public speaking. If I were more confident of myself, I would become a social activist fighting the rights for those in need. Again, "if I were larr."

Last night my grandparents came over with loads and loads of fruits. *yummy* They’re here for the China trip. I admit I am much more interested in the fruits then them *whistle* but hey, I am not the only one kay. The rambutans are so juicy, the durians were heavenly, the tarap (a local fruit) was just nice and the langsat were a little sour but still good. My uncle and grandma was telling me about the fruit orchard and being the town girl I am, I was actually fascinated with the durian eating dogs and the langsat/mangosteen eating bats/birds. Have you ever heard a dog eating durians and actually spit the seed out? How cool is that? They also made fun of my little knowledge of the Kadazan/kampung terms. "Kayang-kayang" is not a net but a scarecrow the kampung version and "tutu" means to dab. *sigh* Who am I? I don’t even know what I am anymore.

So my dad is pure Chinese and his parents did came all the way from China. Which part? I am not sure. What I know is my grandfather came to Borneo to work and went back to China to marry my grandmother and *ta-daa* I have my dad, one uncle and three aunties. I know my grandparent is Buddhist but my dad converted to Christianity somewhere along his life. My mom’s father is a Sungai and her mother is Chinese but they labeled themselves as Sungai (a native fr Sandakan). So, my mom and her whole family converted to Christianity when my mom married my dad.

Since my mom only speaks Malay, that is the common language at home until we started schooling. I went to a Chinese kindergarten but I hated the subject because no one at home could help me with my Chinese homework (my dad don’t read or write Chinese). When I was given the option to choose which primary school I want to go, I chose St. Francis Convent primary school and my mom insist we learn English. From then, my dad talks to my sister and I in English. I remember my dad made me read the dictionary!

Since both my parents are devout Christians, we do not practice any of the Chinese or Sungai culture. I think even my parents are clueless when it comes to tradition besides the typical old wives’ tale. I think it is a shame. Maybe I should make it a point to find out more and practice the "good" ones. I mean it is a part of me kan? Like my Chinese name. Hee. It has become nuisance when people tell/ask me why I don’t speak Chinese and I am an embarrassment to the Chinese community. Yes, I have people telling me that. I keep reminding myself it is not a big deal because I am not pure Chinese, nor do I look like one and yet I could still hold my chopsticks properly! HA. Before you go accusing me being a racist, I love the Chinese side of me and I love my Chinese friends. I don’t even mind when they started yak-ing away in Chinese. I just wish other people would not make it a big deal for me being "a clueless Chinese".

I don’t even know anything about the Sungai side of my except it is similar like the Kadazan culture, they live by the sea/river (that explains the name) and I love love love the "Marang" (a dish made from the red durians). That’s it. *whistle* Do not forget that this is the bit of me that qualifies me for the Bumiputra perks.

The only time my ethnicity matter is when I need to fill up an application form. Most time I don’t even remember what I am. *ahaks* All I know I just need to be what I need to be.

It doesn’t feel like the Puasa month. I miss those Pasar Ramadhan in KL where there are so many options most time you ended buying the same thing because you couldn’t decide. I also miss breaking fast with my friends whom I think are breaking fast together at one of my favorite Thai restaurant. I am definitely going to miss my friends’ open house. *sob sob* All those rendang…

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