If I could have super powers, I would choose to the ability to read minds.
Why not? It would definitely make my life less complicated for sure.
I will never get my heart broken nor would I ever embarrass myself ever again.
I know I shouldn’t let those people get to me, but it is so tiring to pretend it didn’t matter.
Just because they assume I didn’t mind (most prob they think I’m stupid) they do it over and over and over again. If I listen to my heart, I would "Otromen" all these people. -> Otromen = Ultramen (a Japanese superhero) It’ll be cool to know what are they thinking about me. Good and bad. Doesn’t matter.
People who couldn't handle a joke should not play jokes on other people.
It’s really funny how some people think it’s okay to make fun of other people but become upset when the "making fun" was redirected towards them. *chuckle* I don’t think I am THAT witty but I know I can be sarcastic when I want too. I admit most times I speak before I think. Thank goodness with the little amount of wit I have, I hardly make a fool out of myself. But I suspect most people are actually laughing at me instead of laughing with me. :P Oh well, at least I am not a sourpuss like some people. *rolls eyes*
Before, when you make fun of me, I’ll just smile and keep my mouth shut. Now, when you make fun of me, I twist it and we ended up laughing at you. Not so funny anymore eh? *evil laugh* She is still sulking until today. Do me a favor; please go away.
My mind is MIA. I am going about with my daily routine/work without it. It’s like I am here but my mind/concentration is elsewhere. Like Robocop minus the ensemble and wiring. I still feel shitty and I am beginning to wonder if there is more to this fever/flu thing. *touch wood* I’ll wait few more days and see how it goes. The doctor said it is just some viral infection.
I did go to see the doctor last Wednesday. I went after work, and the resident doctor wasn’t in. I didn’t know this. I was expecting to see an old Indian doctor but someone else greeted me in the room. I was surprised and wondered if I have walked in to the wrong room. He was a young Chinese/Sino Kadazan guy? I don’t know which ethnic group he belongs to. He was pleasant looking and speaks good English. Hee. I also think he was bored and was paying all his attention to me a little too much. I was his only patient. Well at least during the whole time I was there. He thoroughly asked me every question, checking everything from blood pressure, heartbeat, temperature checking, eyes, ears, nose, and throat. BTW, I find it weird he took my temperature with that thing that looks like a piece of paper you stick on your forehead. Isn’t that for babies? So he told me it was just viral infection and he sends me off with some painkillers, vitamin C and something for my nausea. He did also say if I don’t get better in a couple of days, I need to come back because there are sickness that takes days to develop. *rolls eyes*
So. It’s Friday. Tomorrow is the first Creative Writing class. I am a little nervous and worried. I admit I am a little paranoid when it comes to writing for other people. Sure I write/blog but it’s different kan? I don’t care, well I do care about the grammars or the spelling errors or whether my writing makes sense to other people but to let other people who claims they’re good enough to grade my writing is scary. Although I never had someone tell me I write badly, but there is always a first time for everything. Wait, my boss thinks my press release is acceptable. BUT, I was writing out of nothing. Oh well. I just hope I am not the worst out of the lot. I am not competitive. I just don’t like people to think I am a sad case. Heh? *LOL*
"Do you know what a blog is?"
WTF? Bad enough some people in the office only speaks to me in BM although they speak fluent English, to ask me if I know what a blog is was really… annoying. Do I look like someone who’s been living under a coconut shell in the middle of the jungle? I just nod my head and keep my mouth shut. I need the blog to bitch.
I know I look shitty because I couldn’t be bothered about grooming/makeup. Too tiring la. Not wearing "Chinese Opera Makeup" -> borrowed that phrase from a friend. *ahaks* like most of them in the office doesn’t mean I am less productive/intelligent/interesting individual. I just don’t waste my time parading myself looking for attention. If I want attention, I rather talk to my sister’s dead fish.
For some reason, my insomnia is back. The dark circle under my eyes could put those panda bears to shame. I do not want to look myself in the mirrors/pictures because when I do, I just want to cry. I don’t hate myself. I just dislike, no, hate, no, dislike, err... at the moment hate the packaging I came with. I am no supermodel. I am not even physically attractive. I have always accepted the fact that I am average. It’s just that lately my level of confidence for the physical look department has been running REALLY low. REALLY REALLY LOW. I must have accidentally used it up while fighting the evil witch in the office.
Misfortunes come in packs. One problem after the other. Although it is mostly about material/earthly things, it is enough to give me a headache if not a heart attack. I wish money grow on tree. When I hit the jackpot, the first thing I will do is cry thankfully. Notice how optimistic I am even when everything else is going down? Seriously, the universe needs to get a hobby or at least a new "target" so they could play this cruel jokes on them instead.
I have also been watching to many mushy movies that led me to think I am never going to find my true love. Ever. Why you ask? One of the many reasons are, those who have found love do not look anything like me. They have perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect teeth, perfect body, perfect everything. Even when they wake up in the morning with the bird flu, they still look so beautiful. Other reasons would be I am looking for something that doesn’t exist/extinct and the universe does not have better things to do but to play their cruel jokes on me.
I think it’s for my medication. You notice it too huh?
Friday, September 29, 2006
If I could have super powers, I would choose to the ability to read minds.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
*achoo* *sniff sniff*
My youngest sister went to KL a last week and all she brought was this lousy virus.
She passed the virus to my son, and my son passed it to my mom and I, and my mom passed it to my dad. I am thinking to share it with everyone in the office. *evil laugh* My plan is working because a colleague is complaining of headache and watery eyes. *evil laugh* It is really tiring but taking an MC means one unpaid day. Oh well, if I am still sick tomorrow I will go and see the panel doctor. I have been swallowing so many medications I wonder if I would overdose. If I do, well, I will definitely become famous the next day. Everyone just loves a good gossip/story.
Thank goodness for the massage later. I really need it.
I love weddings. I already know how my wedding would be. It will be simple and intimate. I attended a wedding with 3,000 guests, buffet style. The queue was so long, my friends and I decided to leave and have our dinner elsewhere. One guy threatened to eat his own tongue if he is not provided with food immediately! *LOL* I was shocked to see that many guests though I suspect most of them are there for the free food/liquor. I mean, the father of the bride was giving a speech, but people were already lining up at the buffet table! *tsk tsk tsk* If I were the bride, I will be pretty pissed off. I want people to look and me and tell me how beautiful and radiant I look; instead of wondering what are they serving for dinner or where did the "Beer Girls" go with their refills. *rolls eyes*
Wedding and relationships seems to be the topic of my weekend. Having the flu and allergic reaction isn’t helping either. It is so bloody cold in the office now, if I have balls, it would be frozen by now. *chuckle* The running nose is almost… err.. drying? *LOL* The fever is still here though. *dang* I foresee an MC tomorrow unless I wake up all healthy.
I did take that MC. Well I took an unpaid leave actually. My dad’s car had to break down that day. I was having high fever, aching bones, the so-called coughing and the half-dry/half runny nose. I spent the day sleeping while my mom look after my sick and demanding son. I think the office air-cond made me worse. I am just so lazy to carry extra sweater or something in the office and I still haven’t brought one in. Oh well, maybe next week after I clean it.
Oh, the massage Monday night was superb. I actually slept towards the end of the massage. Maybe I was too tired/not feeling so well, but it felt like the best massage I had ever had. Now I need another massage *whistle*
It has been five days since I started falling sick, and I still feel a little shitty, groggy and the muscles are still aching. Been doing a lot of physical work and it is draining a lot of my energy and sanity not to hide under my covers (not that I sleep with any!) when it is time to wake and get my arse moving or otherwise I will be late for work. I always try to be a helpful and "passionate" team member, but it is weird when other people from the other department noticed how pale and sickly I looked but no one in my team seems to notice or care.
So, my mom is going to China with the rest of her "clique" -> my gramps, uncles & aunties. Wish I were invited. I need to take few days off work to look after Ekiel. I manage to arrange sitters so I only need three days off. Then the boss suggested that if I like I could drop him off at the Kiddies Club so I don’t need time off. My Ekiel? In a day care? Honestly I welcome the idea. BUT my Ekiel is a little difficult to handle. He doesn’t do strangers and is very attached to certain family members. I could already imagine the horror of those poor day care workers once Ekiel starts throwing his tantrums. *ahaks* My mom, sisters, brothers and dad complained about their trip to KL. "Your son is a nightmare." "He throws tantrums when he doesn’t get what he wants." "He is spoilt." "He is troublesome." "Difficult." I could go on and on.
The other thing would be my mom. She has this thing about strangers taking care of her children/grandchildren. Every time she complains how difficult it is to look after Ekiel, I’ll suggest pre-school or day care center then she will commented how unsafe it is or how kids can easily get sick from mixing from other kids and so on. So even when Ekiel is ready, my mom will never be ready.
Although I know what my mom will think, I will run the idea by her. Who knows, the excitement about the China trip may change her mind.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Sasparilla Chen. 17, has been keeping a blog for the past year to record thrilling moments in her life such as her exam preparations, her on-off infatuation with a Thai VJ, and surprise birthday parties for her friends. Little did she know that her blog was being monitored by people other than her immediate "posse" – and this is where her troubles started.
Ambi Mohan, head of the popular Malaysian Linguistic Association (MALAS), lodged a police report against Chen for always using only the standard smiley [:)] emoticon in each of her 28 blog entries. :I can’t believe she could be so lazy," says Ambi in his tastefully appointed office in Putrajaya. "Does she not know that keyboards can create many other emoticons such as the wink [ ;-)] or the frown [L]?"
"Yes, my association is now branching out into the Internet, although we don’t have yet a website," he continues. "My interest in the Internet started when my sister Anadil pointed out to me that Googling my name provided 40 hits! So it is now my duty to monitor linguistic usage on the Web."
On his specific beef against Chen, he says: "Using only one emoticon shows that she lacks an imaginative palette. It’s like a painter who only uses one color. Surely such a painter will be rejected by the art world. But as blogs are not regulated by the government, such abuses are permitted to occur. Like her entry on a celebrity’s wedding which simply says, "She married a rich Datuk" and is followed by the smiley emoticon. Any fool can tell you the proper emoticon should be a sad one [:-<] because any 17-year-old girl would surely be unhappy that yet another rich Datuk has been taken off the market!"
Chen could not be reached for comment. It is understood that she has been traumatized by the accusations against her that she has temporarily taken down her blog.
Hee. This is just a parody written by Amir Muhammad.
But imagine if this is true, die larr me.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
I am still tired and no, I did not do any spring cleaning that I have been planning since… who knows when. All I do is watch TV, minimal cleaning and lots of sleeping. I also manage to catch up with friends or rather updated myself with their latest happening through their profiles. Everyone seems to be doing just fine and some are doing A LOT better. I am SO VERY THE JEALOUS but hey, they deserve it. Though there are a few whom I think doesn’t deserve that much of happiness but I am not going to argue about that again. Not today.
Last Friday, some friends and I headed down to the local club. We needed to chill after the insanity we have to face in the office. It has been a while since I REALLY party. We started with a bitching session which is compulsory. It helps to get those frustrations out. Btw, don’t you dare roll your eyes on me, because admit it, you do it too. Yes, you men bitch too. Ha.
We were talking about people + exes and their characters. Tittle-tattles. Life would be less complicated if people would just stop judging other people. PERSONAL means PRIVATE and not to be the subject of your lunch break. :P I admit I do talk about other people but I never discuss about your personal life or choices. I comment on work ethics. Interpersonal skills. Common sense.
It is sad to know some people have nothing better to. Don’t be surprise if they have a bigger closet with skeletons in them.
So, after those people in the café gave us that dirty look for overstaying, we moved to the club. The last time I club in town was well, ages ago. About 4 years? I don’t know what to expect really. My worst case scenario would be – me bored and thank goodness it wasn’t that bad. The crowd sucked, sure. The band was really good even the lead singer whose head and feet are too small for his body. If I close my eyes and listen to him sing, I would SO fall in love with him. One of the girl singers was superb and she also has a very COOL tattoo.
There were many bad dancers and “Young & Dangerous” wannabes. Where did all these people get their fashion tips anyway? I swear there were a lot of “Happy” guys there too, not that I have anything against them. It’s just nice to see strong, macho good looking straight men once in a while. I needed to “guy watch” that night, but that SO DID NOT HAPPENED. *sigh* Btw, is it true that the club is actually a “Happy” joint? Wow. A Happy Bar in a not-so-open-minded community. That’s development to you people!
The chicks were pretty happening. Well, some of them are. Some are trying too hard, but that is just my opinion. The DJ was playing pretty cool stuff until he started the rev music. It wasn’t that bad, but my friends couldn’t handle it and I am older than these people.
We headed to another club. It was a pretty cool place but the DJ too started playing some house music and it was our signal to head home.
Do I miss my partying days? Yes, that night was one of those nights when I miss my Joget Girls and Lil Party Bro A LOT. Do I want my old life back NO. While I was in the club, I spaced out missing my Ekiel so much until one of them snapped me back into reality. I just needed to unwind and dance a little which was impossible with the 3” x 3” space I had. Oh well, there’s always next week. LOL.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
He is now “holidaying” in KL with my mom, dad and two sisters.
Well, they’re in KL for my sis’ convo and Ekiel is there because I couldn’t get off work to stay at home with him.
I call them almost three times a day, just to ask what Ekiel is doing and all.
Apparenly he doesn't even remember me. *sigh*
I tried talking to him, but he just listened and wouldn’t say a word.
He is having the time of his life because he is getting all the attention from his uncles and aunties.
Also because he gets to go out to new places everyday and he is bribed with biscuits and snacks to keep him quiet. *rolls eyes*
I should enjoy the “freedom” but honestly, I just don’t know what to do with the time and I am BORED. I am even am thinking of cleaning the house tomorrow. Tomorrow because today I am having a slight fever and flu because of the rain last night. I am too lazy and broke to go out.
Oh well. It’s not like I never parted with him before. My mom is so gonna make fun of me when she finds out. When Ekiel is at home, I sometimes act like I don’t care because I don’t want to pamper him so much. Honestly, I thought I would enjoy and appreciate this time off from late night tantrums, chasing after him making sure he won’t injure himself, entertaining all his whims and fancies. I actually miss all that.
I need to have a life. Soon.
Pic of him before and after his hair cut. I prefer the old hairstyle but EVERYONE is complaining he looks like a girl/asking if he is a girl -> so what la. He is my son and I like to see him looking like all “rugged” and messy! My mom got fed up and decided to cut his hair. I agreed thinking she will only cut the curls off. When she first tried cutting it, Ekiel ended up looking like a monk. She wasn't happy with the result (she claims she couldn't cut it properly) so she took him to the hairstylist. When I came home from work, I was shocked to see him looking like an accountant. Hee. My poor baby. I will protect you from you grandma the next time you start "looking like a girl". I promise.
- When you were still in school, your friends didn’t really like you and talked about you behind your back.
->I guess it’s true. I am pretty sure people still talk behind my back now anyway.
- You’re super flirtatious
-> HAHAHA. Me?
- You don’t get jealous easily
True/False?-> Not really.
- You are very playful
-> Err… I like to think I am a very mature and responsible person. Ha.
- You can make money doing business out of simple things
-> does the palm tell you where I can find money to start that business of mine?
Then, he was interrupted or rather concentrated on someone else’ palm.
I admit I was a palm reading/tarot cards/ feng shui/etc junkie.
I don’t like surprises.
I need to know what is going to happen.
I have to know what to expect of the unexpected.
So I turn to the above for comfort and prepare myself for the good or worse.
Being the sometime smart and most time sensible girl I am, I of course don’t depend my whole life on what the card/tea leaves/hand print/song has to say. I am more the “follow my instinct/head” kinda girl. I don’t listen to my heart as often as I like because it seems the heart only makes decision that leads to frustration and massive heartache.
Now I just don’t know anymore.
I begin to wonder if I ever really know what is going on. For all I know, I am still clueless and what I think is right, is not exactly the right thing but I will never know because I assume everything is all right.
Anyway, we just have to wait and see.
Someone told me I am going to find the love of my life after I am twenty eight. I will settle down after I am twenty nine. Ha.
Monday, September 11, 2006
I should be happy because it means lesser work for me.
But why do I feel so crappy?
I had one of those nightmares again last night.
It has been a while since I last had them.
At one point in life, I was having a tough time sleeping because I was haunted by my never-ending nightmares. It effected my days too. I was always late for work and I had to drag myself everywhere I go.
After a while it stopped. It will come back once in a while especially when I have a lot of things in mind. *sigh*
In my dream last night, I was in the car with my dad and one of my sister.
We were about to do a U-turn to pick up another sister when we saw a commotion in a shop.
Someone had gone amok and slashing everyone in the shop with a carving knife.
There was blood everywhere.
I also saw the guy chopped off another guy’s hand.
I also remembered a boy in blue and white t-shirt soaked with blood was carried by a man.
It was so real, when I woke up, I was feeling really sick.
It wasn’t as bad as those dreams I used to have, but I cannot stand the sight of blood, even in my dreams I was squirmish. I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was afraid the dream would continue (it happened all the time).
When I was finally dozing off, Ekiel decided to be all fussy and demanding. He wanted his bottle, go back to sleep and go downstairs all at one time. I told him to make up his mind, so he settled with the bottle first then try my patience by wanting to go down and go back up again after 5 minutes. He was about to fall asleep when he suddenly decides he wants to go down instead. My mom took him from me, and I try to get more sleep. Of course that did not happened.
So I am dragging myself around the office today.
I am having a headache.
It’s difficult to breathe because something is wrong with the ventilator. I think.
The air is stale and the work is boring.
For the past few days, it feels like I am working in a factory.
Cutting over 1,200 pcs of paper, sticking 450 labels, printing and clipping over 1,000 pcs of paper, compiling 60 pcs of press kits.
*head banging on keyboard*
I wish I am the boss so I don’t have to do all this s***.
I just tell people what to do and blame my incompetent staff for everything even when it was my fault most jobs are delayed. And I just found out my boss makes 10 times more than I do. Maybe I should put that in my job appraisal.
"Where do you see yourself within the next two years?"
Taking over your job.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Work has been hectic.
One task/job after another.
I don’t mind really.
It takes my mind off many many unnecessary things.
BUT it will be nice, if some people have the brains not to dump more work on me when I am already overloaded and behind schedule or to offer help when all they do is downloading mp3 illegally using the office’s computer the whole day and whining about the work when all they have is JUST ONE SIMPLE job.
Oh well, if they don’t make my life miserable than the world would be a happier place to live in and we SOOO do not want that *roll eyes*
The world is small.
I knew that.
Maybe it’s just me, but I find the world become smaller ever since I got back.
It is scary.
Scary because I cannot run away when I need to.
Not run away literally, but run away from people who know someone who knows someone who knows me and my family. You know larr what I mean. I know it’s not a big deal but seriously, I am content with the family, friends and people I know now. I find it really funny when some people tell me, “Oh, he is my brother’s friend’s friend”. I mean, what am I suppose to do with that information?
I guess I am just tired.
I know think too much.
How can I not?
People throw tantrums at me and their excuse is nobody cares what they go through and how their heart aches.
I’m sorry, but the world does not revolve around you.
My heart is aching and my head is spinning, do you care?
I guess not.
Life is not THAT bad.
Ekiel is now walking.
The only problem is he walks wherever he fancies.
When he gets a little excited, he will walk too fast and somehow trips himself.
I swear I almost had a heart attack the other day when he was running toward the slope.
Or when he runs into other people. He haven’t understand the concept of avoiding other people who are coming you way.
My mom just cut his hair because people commented Ekiel looks like a girl. I honestly don’t see it and prefer him with his curls. Now he looks like one of those monks in Robin Hood. Hmm…
My grandma just sent over lots of durians. *yummy* Ekiel doesn’t like it though. He said “Bebau” (smelly) when I tried to feed him with one. He even left us alone and did not even try to poke the durians like he usually does with whatever we are eating.
I also have a gathering I am looking forward to next Sunday. Meeting some friends whom I met through Multiply. These people are my supporters when I am in a low, clap the loudest when I have done something great and make me laugh out loud when I need some mood booster. We share and we encourage each other. They are my angels especially when I go crazy with stuff in the office or even at home. Hee.
Looking forward for Christmas too. I know it is only September, but hey, I miss Christmas.
Friday, September 01, 2006
I HAVE LOADS OF WORK to do and I AM SO DAMN LAZY to do it.
Later larr. Why should I work so hard when other people are taking credit for my work?
Went out with my mom yesterday.
Left Ekiel at home with my sisters who are obviously upset.
I wish I could shop till I drop because they say shopping is therapeutic but I am on a very very tight budget.
I spent more than I should but it was just so tempting.
I hadn’t bought anything for Ekiel or myself for a very long time and I think we deserve a nice treat.
So I bought 2 pairs of shoes for myself *grinning*, an eye shadow pallet, a pair of loop earring, 3 hair clips and a small jewelry organizer. For Ekiel, I bought him 4 pairs of clothes, Ekiel’s first two toothbrushes (buy one free one), one airplane model (he loves airplane!) and one musical instrument set.
Ekiel was more interested in the plastic wrappers than any of his new stuff. Hee.
But all the things were worth it. Bought everything at discounted price.
So, NO MORE SHOPPING until Christmas. *sigh*
It’s only the first day of the month and I am already broke.
*head banging on table*
Welcome to my life.