Wednesday, May 30, 2007

It's a public holiday but I am in the office

I finally got it.
I think I deserved it.
BUT I do not look forward to the workload.
I didn’t realize the scope of work I am taking over now.
It’s crazy.
I will however, do my very best.

The past few weeks have been extremely busy.
For a while I began to lose focus and started to forget things I needed to do.
Sometimes I don’t even know what I am thinking. Hee.

Thank goodness my next month’s schedule are not so hectic.
Well, at least at the moment it isn’t.
Can’t wait for the two occasion.
- The surprise anniversary celebration for my parents & surprise birthday for my mom.
- The island trip with my family.
I SO need a break.

(With the late nights and running around, I seem to be gaining weight instead of losing it) How UNFAIR is that? *tsk tsk tsk*

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

29 May 2007

Sometimes I wonder if I unconsciously asking/looking for problems.
I don’t know what possessed me last night to accept the task considering I am already overloaded with work. *bangs head on wall*

Maybe. I am just tired with people underestimating me.
Maybe. I still need to prove to myself that I am capable/worthy.
Maybe. I need to push myself to the limit so I could feel mortal again.
Maybe. I wasn’t thinking straight last night.
Maybe. I just want the attention. *sticks tongue out*

Anyhoo. It is done. I just gotta make the best out of it. *whistles*

OMG. I couldn’t think of anything interesting to share. How SAD is that? *yawns*
My only excitement in life, at the moment, is the possibility of seeing THAT GUY. Yes. Yes. I am still sad like that. Don’t expect me to do anything about it because I won’t. What if I imagined the whole flirting thing? That could happen. Like the other day when I thought I saw a cockroach scurrying across the room but NO ONE else saw it! *hmmm*

The last thing I need is disappointment. So let’s be realistic about it. I am sure he is younger than I am. People his age will not be interested with people my age especially someone complicated like me. No? Honestly I couldn’t even imagine what we have in common.

Oh well. The heart racing and butterflies in the stomach was good. Too bad it wasn’t meant to last.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Sunset cruise

I love the sea. the sun. not so much on the heat though.

welcome to Sabah

Some of the pics I took at Sabah Fest.
Kotobian Tadau Tagazo Do Kaamatan.
(Happy Harvest Festival)

Thursday, May 24, 2007

surprise. not so surprise.

There was a point in my life when I was positively sure I would make a good party planner. I’ve organized camps, telematch, parties, and mini concerts without many problems. Of course, these were during my high school/teenage life and those events were for school children. The biggest challenge was to keep them entertained and involved with the activities.

As an adult, people expect A WHOLE LOT more from you. Everyone is critical with every detail you chose and every decision you make. Personally I don’t care so much what other people think BUT I am more worried about what I myself would critique and comment. I wouldn’t say I am a perfectionist. BUT, I do have this habit where I need the things I do to be in order and flawless. Perfect. It drives me crazy when other people do not put extra attention in the small details. Of course, I do not throw a fit or anything violent, I would usually ended up redoing the whole thing on my own.

We (my siblings and I) are in the midst of preparing for my parent’s 30th wedding anniversary and my mom’s 50th birthday. I have it all planned out in my head. It would be a simple but lovely affair. The tricky bit is to make sure it happens without problems. Okay. Without much problem. We barely even started already I am having problems with corporation from everyone. *rolls eyes* Predictable.

While I was busy doing work, planning, day dreaming and trying not to daydream, my parents found the invitation letters I was supposed to mail earlier. *bangs head on the wall* The thing is, every Sunday my dad would check the post box on his way to my aunt’s place. That Sunday I tagged along because I wanted to mail the invitations. Then my dad decided not to go to the post office because he forgotten the post box keys. So I kept those letters in the car (my sister’s) compartment and forgotten all about it until my mom called me in the office and wants to know the content of the red envelopes.

I was so shocked but then I started laughing. Yes, I know it is a strange reaction considering the circumstances but it was funny because my mom thought it was an invitation for a wedding (just because the envelope is in red) and she demands to know who are those cards from. I told her to ask my sister, the car owner and my mom said she did and that sister insisted those cards are mine. I then told her I am not in the position to tell because the cards aren’t mine. I only designed the card and distributed them as per instruction. The time will come when my mom will be informed about the contain of the card. My mom seems content with the explanation but I know my mom still thinks it’s a wedding invitation card. Who’s wedding it is she is uncertain but I am sure my mom knows it’s not mine. I wouldn’t suspect me either. *whistles* Thank God I sealed those cards and I was surprised when my dad told my mom to just open it. Hee.

Work is getting crazy. I have been working every alternate weekend. It’s tiring but that’s not the main issue. Most time I am clueless with what I need to do and I hate that. I am so worried I will make a fool out of myself. Like this Sat when I need to emcee an event. No idea what’s happening and how it is done. *rolls eyes* Sometimes being efficient is not a good thing.

I need a drink. Preferably with THAT GUY. Refer to previous post.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


It has been a crazy month and today is only the 16th.
I admit my life is a bore and I could use some excitement, but I was thinking ‘knight in shinning armor sweeping me off my feet to some exotic island’ kind of excitement. All I got were dramas over idiotic and ridiculous thing from selfish and obnoxious people.

Although I am not involved in those dramas, I am frustrated with what had happened. Especially with the drama at home. Kids these days just have no respect for other people.


I think I seriously need professional help. That or go out and meet new people more often. The last time I was on a date/seeing someone was almost 3 years ago. I refused to think about it because I didn’t feel I was ready and also the fact that there was no one. Hmm... But that day, when a guy was kinda flirting with me, kinda because I wasn’t sure if he was really flirting (?), I get all excited and cannot help myself but to think about it/him almost all the time. I am pathetic, I know.

I’ve almost forgotten how good it felt to flirt and to be flirted with.

Someone told me I need to get back into the dating world. Honestly, I don’t know if I want to or if I should. Yes, I know some men do not mind dating someone with kid(s), but how many men are like that especially at this part of the world? I have nothing much to offer. I don’t look like Jessica Alba. I am stubborn. I am opinionated. I bring with me emotional baggage that I think I have locked up good and throw away the keys, but it could still just blow up in my face some time soon.

Sure, like everyone else, I do have some good qualities. I am sensible. I am witty to a point almost sarcastic (that’s not a good quality anymore isn’t it?). I think I am a happy person. I am giving. I am kind. I am nice. But seriously, is that really enough? Honestly, it doesn't felt like it is. Everything is about physical look. I see how some men checking some chicks out. I want men to look at me like that too! *ahaks*

I think my exhaustion is messing with my emotions and sanity.
No worries. I am still optimistic about love and life.

my day the other day

I found few articles I did not manage to post.
Better late than never right?

I had a dream.
I was home. Well it felt like home to me but it doesn’t look anything like my current home or any home I’ve seen. It was a really big house and the living room was AMAZING. The living room walls were made out of glass but that didn’t impress me as much as those sea creatures swimming around the house or the hammer shark swimming on top of the house. Yes people, in my dream, I was living in the middle of the sea.
Was that a glimpse of the future?
My mom thinks I’ve been watching to many Spongebob.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

in a hurry...

I miss my blog.
I’ve been and still am so busy.
It’s crazy really.
I am still asking myself it is worth it.
Still waiting for that day to happen.
They keep telling me that day will happen very soon.
I waited and waited.
No show.
It’s shitty but that’s life.
I can only choose to make the best out if it.

I cannot believe my baby will blow his second candle soon in two weeks time.
Times really flies when you stop whining about it. *ahaks*
Take care people.