Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sunday ending too soon

When stubbornness and stupidity combines, it spells pain in the arse and trouble. I have argued about this with someone and she thinks I am being too hard. When the problem got worse, she channels her frustration not only on that person, but everyone else as well. *sighs*

I don’t expect people to be rocket scientists. I just wish people would use their head a little.

Do you know anyone who can never find whatever they’re looking for, even when the thing is right under their nose? Tell them the exact location and they still won’t be able to find it. Sometimes I think these people either pretend to look for it or they look with their eyes close. What about people who misunderstood your instructions, but refused to admit it and blame you instead? Strange but true, my life revolves around these people.

Maybe this is why I am always attracted to people who are knowledgeable, worldly, witty and composed. *ahaks*

It’s almost November. *panics* I haven’t achieve/done anything significant yet. Did I make a resolution list this year? *Erkk* I don’t even remember. Time flies when you’re having fun but the problem is, it’s no joyride. So where did time go?

I love weddings

I attended a friend’s wedding today. I love weddings though I don’t attend wedding much. In fact I think I have only attended three or four church weddings and a handful wedding dinner/luncheon.

The whole wedding theme, décor, colors, flower arrangements, centerpieces, programs, song selections, the food & beverages, the conduct of the bride & groom’s family members/guests, the fashion/style of the whole wedding entourage, and of course the bride and groom themselves fascinates me.

I can imagine the amount of work, time and energy spent on planning and organizing a wedding. (Almost) everyone told me it’s exhausting. I’m sure it is. Even on the wedding day itself the bride and groom has to be on their feet the whole day making sure everyone is entertained and there is enough food and drink to go around. We must not forget the gazillion of photos they are required to take, and the smiling, you need to smile even when your face hurts. The maid of the honor was told many times not to frown and the bride complained that wedding is not fun at all. *LOL*

Anyway, the bride was beautiful and her maid of honor/bridesmaids are pretty as well. I said pretty because they must never outshine the bride right? The food was delicious, and the drinks were plenty. The entertainment was indeed entertaining with everyone coming up on stage wanting to show off their talent. Sadly, not all of them are talented. *LOL* I told myself not to do an open mic thingy on my wedding. Hee. But there’s one girl (about seven or eight) who sang Somewhere Over The Rainbow and Moon River beautifully.

Yes, I do somewhat know what I want for my wedding. No, I do not have a scrapbook like some people though. I believe every girl must have at least once imagined how her wedding will be like. I used to want a grand wedding with plenty of guests to celebrate my special day with me. I want to wear one of those really big wedding dresses with a veil as long as ten feet to have that princess-sy effect. When I think about it, where am I going to find that many guests? *chuckles* Or the money to host an elaborate wedding I pretend to have in my Lala Land.

As I get older I think a simple and intimate wedding will do. The details are still important of course but it doesn’t have to be so complicated. After all, when you try to be different by being too difficult, it will only lead to a whole load of mess. It’s your wedding, not some competition.

I have heard a fairy tale wedding complete with backdrops of castle, cupids and unicorns. That is WAY too much, don’t you think. Like I said, it’s your wedding. Not some high school musical.

To J&L, congratulations and may your marriage be filled with lots of love and blessings.

Friday, October 26, 2007

I don't want to friend you larr

I thought after a certain age, one would stop behaving like a child. Obviously this is crazy thinking. At their age and mine, I thought the whole “You don’t friend her/him” phase is over. Again, crazy thinking.

When someone told me not so long ago that I should not befriended XX because half the things she said is not true, I was shocked but amused. It’s funny because I have heard the same thing about so many other people, and if I listen to them I would not have any friends at all. Him included.

Though there are times when I wish I live on the moon alone, I know I could not survive many days without having someone entertaining my blabbing.

Just a couple of days ago, I heard a newer version of this so-called advise.

“You better don’t hangout with them so often or you’ll be in the list (of people whose future depends on people who thinks they’re in control) next”.

Seriously? At that moment, I wasn’t thinking straight so I couldn’t see the humor behind the horrible threat. I was upset because there are times when I was almost fooled with their façade. Pretending to be the nicest people to ever walk on earth. *sticks tongue out* Victim of circumstances my foot. I just want to slap them silly.

Today, I feel like a second class staff. I know it is human nature to play favorites, but there has to be a limit. Although I only lose my cool for about 10 minutes, I surely did not forget. What goes around, comes around and I hope karma will bit him hard in both his nuts because the Wuss deserves it.

I once applied replacement leave a month after the function because I was busy. Wuss rejected my application because it was over the one month validity period. I was upset but rules are rules. Today I found out, another colleague also applied replacement off a month after the function but Wuss approved his leave. Bloody hell. Wuss approved another colleague’s carried forward leave but he questioned my application.

It pisses me off because I work my butt off and this is the kind of treatment I get? I am more worried with the yearly appraisal needed to be submitted to HR by end of this month. I know he is powerless but I really hate the discrimination. He thinks I am an idiot, but he has no clue what I can do. *roars like a lioness*

I need to find a smart way to settle this.

*waves to Puteri Santubong*
I’ll keep my word. Wait and see. *jeng jeng jeng*

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Me no Heart

Curiosity kills the cat. In this case, me. This is one of those times I wish I wasn't so curious about something. Now that I know, I don't know what to do, what to think or even what to feel.

I am worried though. The world is getting smaller, and smaller and smaller. No matter how hard you cross your fingers or knock on wood, paths could still cross. Hopefully when that happens, I'll know what to do. Until then, I'd rather not think about it.

I was surprised when my colleague told me she reads my blog. *blushes* When she told me this, I immediately wonder whether I have written something she shouldn't be reading. I cannot help it. It was a spontenous reaction. *waves at her* Hope you enjoy my blabbing.

I wonder what I'll do when an angry mob confronts me about the things I have written about them? As long as I don't start crying, then it's fine.

I need to go pee but it's a long long walk to the ladies. So I'll save it for later.


I am on my replacement leave today. You have no idea how good is it to be at home and do nothing. Though I can hear my son terrorizing everyone with my mom/sisters yelling at him, this is my bliss - my own space doing my own thing.
I finally watched the Indonesian movie “Heart”. I know, I know. I am so outdated, blah blah blah. I have heard so much about the movies and enjoyed the soundtracks but I haven’t seen the movie because nobody wants to go watch a sappy movie with me. Well, not here anyway.

The dilemma between love and friendship. (At this very moment the player is playing Dilemma by Nelly & Kelly Rowland. How ironic is that?) I hope I will never be caught in that position because it’s not easy. If you ask me now, I don’t even have to think to know that I will choose friendship over love. BUT I may change my mind. Love makes you do funny things.

But if I am ever in Rachel’s shoe, I hope the guy in Farel’s shoe is not an idiot like Farel’s character. I am so sorry but he just pisses me off. Maybe the way I look at the story is wrong, but hell, when your best friend died, you should at least attend the funeral right? I know the GF is dying but she’s getting a new heart, Rachel’s heart (though I assume he doesn’t know this until after Rachel’s funeral). So can’t he spend an hour or so to attend the funeral service? I am sure the GF would understand this right? I would.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

My Pet Story

I am so addicted to Fluff Friends in FB. My pet frog, Ek Ek is adorable. Though he looks like every other frog in FB, mine is special because I said so. *sticks tongue out* I admit that I hardly feed Ek Ek because I used all the money to bet on the races BUT I do pet him often though it does nothing to increase Ek Ek’s mood or speed. Hee.

I could still remember most of the pets I/my family used to have over the years.

Stray cats. We used to have lots of them because we feed them with leftovers every night. I don’t know what happened to any of them.

My sister had two rabbits. I remember us bathing the rabbits and my mom feeding them some kind of vegetable. The next morning both rabbits died because rabbits don’t eat the type of vegetable my mom feeds them. *Opps*

I know we had few dogs but there are only two dogs that I remembered the most. One was a black dog. I remembered him/her (I don’t remember the gender) because one day on our way out, we saw him/her on by the roadside, few houses away from mine, dead. When we got home, the dead dog was no longer there. My dad told us someone had picked him for dinner. I am sure he is joking but the thought of someone eating the dog still haunts me.

Another dog I remember was a puppy my grandma sent from kampung. I think the puppy got a little disorientated after the six hours ride from Sandakan. The moment my uncle opened the car door, the poor puppy started running around our yard and dived into a monsoon drain behind my house. We, well my brothers tried to save it by holding out a stick (like that would do any good) but the puppy refused to be saved. So bye bye doggie.

We also had two tortoises. We had them when they were the size of a fifty-cent coin and grew to almost a plate size. Somehow both turtles managed to escape from the basin where my mom keeps them. According to her, she covered the basin with some wire thingy and put a big heavy stone of top of it to keep the tortoises from escaping. Well, that obviously didn’t work.

My mom also used to keep fishes. Not the fancy ones you see at the pet stores but these are the plain-looking fish. I don’t know what it is called. Ikan Karuk? Anyway, one day I was on the phone with First Crush. I told him how smart my mom’s fish were because it could do the backstroke. First Crush told me to tab the aquarium a little. There were no responses from the fish and First Crush told me that the fish had gone to a much happier place. So shy only.

When I got much older, I bought a pair of tortoise for myself because I thought it would be fun. I didn’t realise the amount of work involved because obviously my mom did all the cleaning and feeding of the escaped tortoises. When the tortoise got a little too big for the aquarium I bought for them, I got a reason to give them away to a friend who has a pond at his house. I am very sure the tortoises are very happy there with the little zoo my friend created at his home.

For my I can’t remember which birthday, my friend gave me two female and one male hamsters. Those hamsters multiplied within weeks! Though I managed to give some away, some have their own horror stories. The two female hamsters fought over the male hamster. Hamster A got bitten by Hamster B on the face and died horribly. Yes people, half of Hamster A’s face was gone. One hamster disappeared mysteriously because the cage was tightly locked but one hamster is missing. He must be one intelligent hamster to be able to unlock and lock the cage’s door. One mommy hamster gave birth for the first time and got freaked out when half of the baby hamster was sticking out of her. So she went crazy in the cage by running around and around. Next thing I know both mommy and baby hamster died. The last hamster to survive was the original male hamster I named Amai after a friend. He lived for more than two years before he died a natural death. When Amai the hamster died, her was furless and his balls were so huge, he had to dragged it around. I swear this is real. My friends think he died from ball cancer but I rather think he died of old age.

After the last hamster, I told myself not to do anything crazy like that anymore.

My brother and his girlfriend however brought an orange stray kitten home and named her Pinky Pyramid. No clue what’s with that name. Anyway, believe me when I say the cat is evil and I have scars to prove it. One incident happened in the middle of the night. I didn’t realised Pinky was sleeping on the rug right in front of my bedroom door. When I got out to go to the washroom, I ACCIDENTALLY stepped on Pinky and that cat didn’t want to let go of my left foot. Another incident was when a friend of mine who stayed in a different block invited Pinky to play with her cat. I thought Pinky could use some feline company so I carried her to my friend’s place. As we were going down the stairs, she suddenly panicked and started attacking me like a mad cat she was. I know she is just a cat, but what Pinky wants Pinky gets because if you don’t give it to her, she’ll start attacking you. One day she went out of the house and refused to come home. Last I saw her; she was like the queen stray cat of the place we used to live.

I have plenty bad experiences with animals. A protective mommy cow chased me and I jumped over a four-foot fence. I was chased around school by a dog. A dog tried to bite my head because she likes me *rolls eyes* A cat clawed my thighs while I was seating on a chair and that cat dangled on air for 10 seconds.

These reasons are enough to justify my reason for never wanting a pet. Animals and I just don’t click.

But if I could keep any pet I want, any pet at all, I would like to have a baby chimpanzee or a baby elephant. That would be something. So until I could get myself either one, I’ll stick to Ek Ek my froggy at Fluff Friends.

Ohh... I must never forget my tomagochi pet. He died numerous time from his own... waste. Hee. So if I am ever going to get that pet chimpanzee or elephant, they better know how to clean after themselves.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

work already?

I hate coming back to work after a long break.

I’ve been saying the wrong thing the whole day and it’s tiring.
E.g. He came all the way here just to take toilet.
What I meant was “He came all the way here from the toilet just to take tissue paper.

I was actually looking forward to come to work but the moment I stepped into the office, my whole enthusiasm disappeared. Don’t ask me why because I do not know the answer. Like I said, I am already counting to the next holiday, which is this weekend. *woohoo*

Hopefully I don’t have to work this Sunday larr. *grrr* If he’s lazy then why do I have to do it?My colleague is right. I need to tell this people off when they’ve crossed the line. But it is easier said than done. I must think of a smart way to handle this problem. I will never win a shouting match.

I am so freakin’ lazy, I wish I didn’t have to work late today.

Btw, I watched Berbagi Suami (Indonesian movie) on Astro Ria last night. It’s about life of three women who are in polygamy relationships (each with their own story). I love the way each of their stories was told.

I also love the fact that strangers or even people I barely know could share my life story as well. I think it’s true. No matter how different we are, at the end of the day, we all want the same thing; love, happiness & security.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

I want ketupat & rendang

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
Maaf Zahir & Batin.

This is the second year I celebrate Hari Raya at home. I usually celebrate it with friends at their house, stuffing myself with too much ketupat and rendang. I did get one invitation to an open house, but her house is at the other end of the planet so I decide to log in to FB instead. *sticks tongue out*

It’s a long holiday but I feel so damn restless.

Maybe it’s the weather and I am just bored. I don’t feel like going out of the house either. There’s nothing good on TV. So Houston, we have a problem.

I had a strange dream the other night. I dreamt that I was in the car with a guy who was my BF. Well at least I think so larr. I don’t know why but I was brushing my teeth in the car. *LOL* Then the guy told me he doesn’t like the way I brush my teeth. He say it’s annoying and told me to brush it his style. I was like *heh* Then I told him I couldn’t take it anymore and I want to end the relationship. Suddenly there was this three of his friends at the back seat of the car. They were making fun of me and said I was being a cry baby. The BF, well ex BF then said I am being selfish.

Then I woke up.
What was that supposed to mean?
Even in my dream, my relationship sucks.

Maybe it was a sign from the universe telling me that I shouldn’t get into a relationship kan? But some people say, dreams mean the opposite thing. *fingers crossed*

Friday Blog

Catfight. Believe you me, I don’t do catfight. So when the director told us that someone reported to the management that we catfight here in the office, I laughed.I laughed and I laughed. It is so ridiculous.

First of all, what is the definition of Catfight?
Catfight is a term for an altercation between two women, typically involving scratching, slapping, hair pulling, and shirt shredding as opposed to punching or wrestling. It can also be used to describe two human females insulting each other verbally or being otherwise nasty to each other. The many ways that women compare themselves to other women and compete with each other are also referred to as catfighting. Catfights are different from other kinds of fights involving women because they usually involve competition between two or more women, usually over men.
(Source: Wikipedia)

I don’t scratch, slap nor do I pull hair or shred shirts. What more punching or wrestling. Insulting each other verbally or being nasty? I swear I don’t but maybe I’ve deleted it from my memory bank. But whatever it is, the allegation is baseless.

Some people really have nothing to do.

However, I do agree that some people are a little overboard with their sarcasm BUT I think the sarcasm didn’t sink in so it’s not biggie. Unless they pretend not to understand in front of us but complain to the boss behind our back. Which means, they did feel the heat larr. *hmmm*

Seriously people, this office politics sucks big time. I don’t know who to listen and believe anymore. Saddest thing is, I am accused of things that never even crossed my mind. I know it’s lonely out there but it is really necessary to drag everyone with them?

Someone seems to think that we are ganging up on her because we are jealous of her. *rolls eyes* Oh please la. I got so many things to do with my time e.g. sleep than to plan for her destruction. The paranoia happens because she’s the one who’s badmouthing about everyone else and will do anything to make sure she looks good in front of everyone else. I seriously do not care if she wants to be on top but please stop hallucinating because it is just pathetic.

Few nights ago, I met up with some old friends. I never realised how much I missed them until I got home. My fault for not trying harder to be a better friend. What I love most about these people are the fact that they are still the same girls I know 13 years ago. I had a wonderful time and I am already looking forward to our next gathering. *does the samba*

Some people really do not get sarcasm do they? Poor poor thing. I didn't know how to react when I received her email.

Noticed you were in a spot of trouble. Here, I’ve whipped up something for you to use.

OMG. She was the one who's in charge of the function. I've asked for the photo to send the photo release but that didn't happened. When the management questioned us this morning, my colleague jokingly blamed me but her sarcasm was for that person who didn't do her job. Not long after that I received the above email from her.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to strangle someone. I wanted to do all the above. If she already did the press release, then why didn't she send it herself or at least forward them to me yesterday?

Thank goodness tomorrow is a holiday. I don't know what I'll do if I have to go through another day of this. I'd probably attack everyone with the hot glue gun.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


I didn’t realize the email was forwarded to the wrong person. *bangs head on wall* What was I thinking? I must be losing my mind for being so bloody careless. Oh well. It is done. I think I did a good job trying to cover it up but knowing him, I am very sure he will use it against me if not today surely sometime soon.

I am so quick to lose my temper these days. What is the matter with me?

I received the forwarded emails of the late Nurin’s post mortem photos. I couldn’t bring myself to look at it. The photos is not ours to see. It’s too personal. It’s already terrible for her to go through what she went through but even after her death, she is not left to rest in peace. When I commented this, someone emotionally blamed the cops or those who did the autopsy for taking the photos and circulated it through email. She claimed it is irresponsible and disgusting thing to do but she herself forwarded those pictures to her friends.

We always go on blaming everyone else without thinking that we are doing exactly the same.
*sighs* I sometimes wish people will not tell me things so I won't think unnecessarily. The more information I know, the more I want to analyze the situation or understand why people react in such ways. I wish I could turn it off but it is so bloody difficult.

The funny thing is, most time I'd be wondering if the information that I've gotten is reliable.

Must work be so politically stressing? Should I put up a fight? Will I be able to hold my ground? When I questioned, I am not a team player. When I give in, I am an arse kisser. So confusing. It's tiring. It's not funny.

Love in the workplace. Yes or No?

Now, before any of you jump into conclusion, I am not interested with anyone in the office. That Guy is not a fellow colleague. And my infatuation with That Guy IS dying a painfully shy death.
Anyone can/will tell you that I am no love expert. I do not know or understand many things. So people, this entry is purely based on MY personal opinion.

Love is a GOOD thing. I believe love should make you a better person not otherwise. Yes, I do agree that love is something that we are not in control of. It comes and goes without us realizing or asking. Sure it hurts like hell when someone betrays your love or even when your love is unrequited. It sucks but time surely heals.

Now, I have nothing against those who found their other half in the work place. I do however do have a problem with those who needs to show the whole world that they are in love. It’s okay if it doesn’t effect their work performance but when their professionalism is out in the window and people come to me to talk/ask about it, I’d get irritated. And embarrassed which is stupid because I am not the one who is acting like a fool.

The wanting to get his or her attention bit is also annoying. Like, I know you can do it on your own but you pretend that you can’t do it so the other half would fuss over you and all. It’s nauseating. *rolls eyes* Another thing I cannot take is the love song during office hour. Once is too much but to listen to it over and over and over is CRAZY. I had to use all my patience to stop myself from "otromen" these people.

I just think there are certain things you need to keep to yourself and your love life is definitely one of those things. Extra marital affair is a big NO NO to me but some people have no problem parading their affairs with people from the office some more. *tsk tsk tsk* What are they thinking?

I think it’s risky to have a relationship with someone from work. We are all human who are very much influence by our feelings and emotion. I mean, when you see your partner a little friendlier to the opposite sex, don’t you feel a little jealous? Then, when you guys are having a fight, how do you keep yourself from attacking each other when he or she is there?

Btw, don’t you get bored spending 24/7 together?

There is a reason why some corporations do not encourage husband and wife working together. But if you cant help yourself but to fall in love with another colleague, do us all a favor, save those loving for home kay.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Monday already?

Ekiel: What’s your name?
Me: Clara
Ekiel: No. Mommmmy. What’s your name?
Me: Clara
Ekiel: No. Mommmmy. Mommmmy. What’s your name?
Me: Clara
Ekiel: No. Mommmmy. What’s your name?
Me: My name is Clara
Ekiel: Okay la. Clara Mommmmy

The other day in the office, I received an email and my temper rose immediately. I could feel the expression on my face changing. I took deep breaths to calm myself down but it didn’t help to soothe my aching heart. "Wtf? Who do they think I am, their help?" I started typing. I typed and I typed. I wanted to use "colorful" words but sanity told me to be grown up about this. My hands were shaking and my heart was beating so fast. My colleague noticed my shaking hands and she thought I was starving. Heh? I walked out feeling better because although the email wasn’t exactly written the way I really feel, at least I sent it.

Was the matter solved? Obviously it didn’t because some people just refused see the problem.
I don’t understand why the scheduled was scrapped for some people but I still have to do my bit. It’s not like no one was there to accompany the group. There’s three of us and five of them. *rolls eyes* Not only it was unnecessary but it was uncomfortable to witness something I shouldn’t know about.

Not everyone has common sense. A fact I already know, but with everyone reconfirming this lately, I find it scary. Maybe it’s just me. BUT if you want to do what your heart desires, then move to the moon. You labeled yourself as civilized, educated, intelligent, blah blah blah and yet you act like a bloody idiot. Shy only. Now, I know you don’t care what other people say about you, but if you want to order people around, you must earn the respect. The things you’re doing now only make you pathetic.

The other day, a colleague of mine wrote me a note during a meeting when someone wanted to play hero by bragging about his non-existent self and pinpointing everyone else’s mistakes/shortfalls.
Why do we have people like them here on earth?
I wanted to laugh because to many of us, she was one of those "people".
Anyway, I don’t know the real reason but I believe they are put amongst us a reminder not to be one of them.

What do you think?

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Meow meow

"Bless me with patience and the wisdom to know better".

I am SO counting for my next vacation. Some people ticked me off so much, I want to "otromen" until they all hangus. *sighs* I know I shouldn’t let them get to me, but damn these people are good. They even haunt my dreams at night.

Last night, my son pretended he was a cat. He made me "meow" with him.

My son was supposed to get a haircut last Sunday. But before we could go in the shop, he refused to go in and started screaming and crying like a mad boy. He told me "No need cut hair". I gave up because many were staring at us like we’re circus clowns. If he wants to have hair like Billy Ray Cyrus during those days, so be it.

I am just tired with people asking me the gender of my son.
But doesn’t he look like a boy?
Even with that long curly hair I think he looks like a boy.
Of course I’m the mommy so what I think is invalid.
*sticks tongue out*

I think my 21/2 year-old son has a future in politics. Why? When we go out, he has a need to approach people especially women/girls. He will go up to them, say hello and shakes their hands. Sometimes he would have one-sided conversation with them. One-sided because the other person does not understand his baby talk. He would go on and on until he’s distracted by other things. He would also wave everyone goodbye especially to cab drivers when we take the cab and expects them to wave him back. When he sees another kid crying, he would go to them and ask, "what happened?" There are times though when he got a new toy or something, he would go up to other kids and say, "It’s mine"

It’s good that he is building his pr skills at a very young age, but there are times when I do not want to mix/mingle with strangers. Once he starts, then I have to give my apologetic smile and that will lead to unwanted conversations. I am a bad person. I know. But sometimes I just want some peace and quiet doing my own thing. Know what I mean?

I am very happy to hear the good news. *yay* Again, I know I am a bad person, but I wish people were more… excited for me. *sighs* I don’t know what I want or expect to happen but it would be nice to be acknowledge like some people. It doesn’t matter larr. This is for my own good anyway, so it doesn’t matter what other people think kan? But I can’t help to wonder how many of them thinks I don’t deserve it.

I can already imagine my mom’s reaction. "Bah, do your best lah". So boring.
*Ughh* I need some excitement in my life or I’ll go insane.