Friday, July 30, 2010


After 30 years, the Lim’s residence is finally getting the much needed renovation.
With the amount of cracks and what not, I am grateful the house did not just give up and collapse.

Ekiel: Mommy, we need a new house

Me: Why?
Ekiel: This one broken already

The Lim’s residence is more than concrete and whatever used to build a house. There is so much warmth in the house that it has become the appointed meeting venue for the family. Despite having only three bedrooms, 11 of us managed to make ourselves comforta
ble. There were occasions when we had about 20 of us sleeping in that house.

camping dlm rumah. Definitely fun.

Until the work is done, we’ll be staying at my aunt’s place at what I think is at the other side of the planet. Yes, I am exaggerating but it does feel bloody far.
Instead of leaving at 7.30am so Ekiel will reach his school by 7.40am, ngam ngam tu loceng berbunyi, now we have to leave by 7.00am which means I have to wake up 30 minutes extra.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to wake Ekiel up every morning?
Even though he’s awake, he’ll pretend to sleep and rolls everywhere. When you pull him up, he’ll just fall back on bed which is very scary. Carrying him is the only option and he is getting heavier by the day. And that people is on a good day. On a bad day, the residents of Tg Aru can hear me screaming.


Ekiel: I pening dengar you mommy

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

unfortunate incident

Life would not burden you with problems you cannot handle.
Whoever came up with that phrase obviously have never gone through hell and back.

I believe in karma, so when life gives me shit, I try and make baja out of it or clean the mess quietly and willingly, because like pet owners, your pet’s shit is your responsibility.

However, when bad things happened to nice and kind people I know personally, I become upset.
Don’t good things happen to good people anymore?

How did she end up in that mess is beyond me. From a happily ever after to a living hell is not easy no matter how tough you are.

We always read in the newspaper about men who swindles woman. These men would wine and dine them, whispers sweet words of love until the woman is head over heels in love with them when they, the men will bleed the women dry.

When we hear news like this, most wonder what the woman was thinking and she must be DESPERATE for love. When I heard about the news, my first thought was also, “What the hell was she thinking?” *head hangs in shame*

I met this guy at a club. I find him annoying at first because he was endlessly bragging about the his world but we exchanged cards anyway. I must give him credits for his patience. He kept on calling and calling and calling until I gave in and went out with him. He was the total opposite when I first met him. One thing led to another, I was seeing him on a regular basis.

I, usually the sensible one, was intoxicated with the whole sweet talk and attention. But the thing I really enjoyed the most about him was our conversations. We could talk about serious matter to goofy things and we shared the same view about life and people in general. Was I in love? Well, there were no butterflies in the stomach but given time I will surely land on Love Land.

One day, he needed some cash urgently and he “borrowed” some from me. Though the alarm went off in my head, I didn’t think I, Clara Angelicbug, would be a victim. But I did become a victim. When I ask him to return the money, he keeps dodging the question and started avoiding me altogether. He never picked up my call and when I called his office, he was never around. That’s when the realization hit me.

I did threaten to go to the police, but I didn’t. One reason was because the amount was only few hundred ringgit and secondly I was embarrassed it happened to me. Besides, I wasn’t really upset about the money. I was angry at myself because I allowed myself to be a victim.

So, I do somewhat understand what these women were thinking. We never thought that we could be a target because we are intelligent and independent women but sadly, we are soft hearted people who feel sorry for our loved ones when they are in need of help. It is not really about being in love and desperation but it’s more about compassion. In fact, this doesn’t happen with these swindling men only but with happened with family members and friends as well. Kesian bah.

Of course there are cases where the women fears the idiot would leave them, now that is what I call ‘desperadee’.

*sighs* It’s tough but that’s life. Someone said “There is a reason for everything that had happened”. The only thing I learned from this is to be more weary of the people I meet and the first alarm bell I hear, I’d run the opposite direction.

I run faster when I meet men who are all talk but no action.

I hope that friend of mine would survive these unfortunate incidents as her dilemma doesn’t only stop there. I don’t know how but I have faith that the Universe will have pity on her. What saddens me more is that, there are people who are taking advantage of this situation. “If you want more information about the guy, you need to pay us X amount of money”.

May these people rot in hell.

I hope I will continue to have a sensible mind and common sense.
I’d rather be the old single crazy women with an octopus in her house than to meet a guy who’ll destroy my life like that.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

sunday day

I dislike cooking but I do cook once in a pink moon.

Me: (washing the rice at the sink)
Ekiel: Mommy, what are you doing?
Me: I am cooking the rice
Ekiel: Mommy, you don’t have to listen to Boyo (my brother, who told Ekiel to cook the rice earlier)
Me: *LOL*
Ekiel: Wah, you know also how to cook rice…
Me: Cish

People say cooking calms them down but I find it tense not only because everyone’s a critic but the heat from the stove and the kitchen is not pretty. Though it is impolite to criticize other people’s hard labour, but everyone just loves to comment.

, next time you cook yourself larr.

I know criticism is to improve yourself blah blah blah. If I wanted to be a chef, I’d learn how to cook properly long time ago no? I’ll leave that skills/talent to my other siblings.

At home, I am the organizer/appointed speaker/the ear and the black sheep. I don’t need to add a culinary expertise in my resume thank you very much. My plate is full already.

I’ll do my crying in the rain…

Me: Hmmm… I smell durian
Ekiel: What durian? That bau my kentut larr.

I am forever entertained by my own little ‘clown’ kan?

The weather has gone mad again. I don’t know if the rain is the reason for this melancholic feeling, but it’s funny how the weather understands my mood swings better than I understand it myself. Like the past few days, I am feeling very down about stuffs, and the rain just keep on pouring.

No, I have not lost my head nor am I high on anything. I only had two cups of caffeine today. But then and again, I may be high on peanut butter *evil smile*. I took a spoonful and savour the delicious creamy spread. Made me so bloody happy. I ignored my mom’s disapproving look, and help myself to a second spoon. It was heavenly.

My favourite is peanut butter on bread/bun sprinkled with sugar with hot milo. YUMMY. Just melts everything away. My preferred comfort food.

I am on an eating binge these past weeks. *sighs* I am constantly hungry and when I don’t entertain my cravings, my gastric protest and there’ll be pain to bear.

Why oh why everything is just so damn difficult. Makan susah tidak makan pun susah.

It also seems like lately everyone have woken up at the wrong side of the bed? Listen to me people, do all of us a favour. Find your right side of the bed and push the wrong side against the wall. Save us all the headache and the drama.

As for the evil ones, go dip yourself in a tub of holy water. Or wear garlic amulet. Or stand under the hot sun. Or walk across the path of fire. Or bow 108 times. Or find yourself a new hobby or a new victim. Whatever works for you.

Long week ahead but that means my very much needed vacation is coming soon!!! *woohoo* Until then, I think I need to buy myself a bigger bottle of creamy peanut butter. This cloud of depression is determined to stay above my head until it rains and I drown in sorrow.

Happy Sunday people.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

why so cold?

So ok. Maybe their vocabulary is limited, but surely they understand common words such as ‘lucky’. To say, “You’re so lucky” to someone who won a recognition award is almost like saying, ‘you win not because you worked hard therefore you deserve it, but because you are just lucky’.

The right thing to say it, “Congratulations, you deserved it”.
Come people, let us say it together-gether.

“Congratulations, you deserved it”.

Wasn’t so hard was it?

Friday, July 23, 2010


Aaah. The week is almost over. For some reason, I still have not recovered from 7K. My body is aching and I haven’t had a good night sleep in weeks! Yes, I do sleep after hours of tossing and turning but I also woke up every hour. I rather not sleep than to suffer like that.

I know I need to stop the caffeine (which I drink about four cups a day now) if I want to sleep at night but I need them to keep me awake during the day.

My whole body clock is so messed up.

What do I do during my sleepless nights? I play Super Puzzle Bobble on my mobile. The right side keypad doesn’t work so well and I go psychotic when the cursor doesn’t aim properly. Never the less, my highest score is 680,300 thank you very much. Unfortunately this is far from the highest score ever.

My here *hand points heart* pain.

Was listening to the radio the other day where the topic of the morning was about Malaysian and punctuality. I have issues with people who forever late because I HATE waiting. HATE HATE HATE though I do endure it. But that’s the thing kan? We are so nice, we allow these people to be late.

Late person: Eh, sorry ah saya lambat

Nice person: Tidak apa bah. Kami pun belum start lagi ni

When in reality, you are already 30 minutes behind schedule because you have to wait for that person.

The DJ said she had to wait 1.5 hour to be fed at a wedding because everyone was late. Instead of dinner, it becomes a wedding supper.

When I get married, I’d locked the ballroom door at exactly the time it was printed on the cards. Kan best. For this statement alone, my chances of walking down the aisle decreased by 101%. *LOL*

Oh well.

“Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else cab” – Elsa Maxwell.
You know what Elsa, I think you are right.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

no talent

When I first saw the thing Ekiel draw on far right, I wondered why Ekiel's drop of water looks so cacat. Then I thought it was the family jewel when I realized it's water faucet with a tiny drop of water coming out of it.

X for Xmas / Xmas Cards? Why can't they teach the correct terms? No wonder kids are so confused these days.

His yoyo and yolk are alike. I didn't know what it was. My mom thought it was an eye.

I saw the word ZOO and I mati-mati fikir what animal he drew to illustrate a zoo.
I finally realised it's the zoo entrance like the one in the alphabet poster we have in our room.

love and band aid

It is so easy to just give in to your frustration and let your depression consume you.

It is okay to allow ourselves the luxury to sulk and whine about life because it is tiring to be optimistic 24/7. It is more exhausting to pick yourself up all the time. Just let me curled up in a ball, all teary feeling sorry for myself. I’ll jump back into action when I am ready. I always do.

As long I don’t share my annoyance with every unfortunate soul that passes my way bah. Like some people. Momok pun lari oh.

Love at the workplace happens all the time. Recently, two new colleagues were noticed to be spending a lot of time together and our suspicion was confirmed - they fell in love over the fax machine. Not literally but that would have been so cute.

T: Ramai oh kan, staff jumpa jodoh dorang di sini juga

Me: Ya. Sangat-sangat ramai. Dorang baru lagi tu kerja sini pun bercouple sudah

T: Itu larr. Berapa lama sudah kau kerja sini?

Me: Four years… (knowing exactly where this conversation was heading)

T: Empat tahun sudah tiada satu pun yang sangkut?

Me: *LOL* Sot. Tidak laku bah. What to do?

T: Ada tu. You must open your heart bah

Another colleague asked me the other day if I am seeing anyone. Why people are so interested in my love life is beyond me. But that’s how the society works no? Instead of asking about other things like my health or mental state, we are more interested in the romance bit. I guess me sharing about my insomnia and food binging is not as interesting as investigating the reason for my lack of interest in men.

“Maybe dia masih sakit hati from her previous relationship.”

Sadly this is not the case. I have moved on before I found out about Ekiel and so has he.

I am a woman. Of course I do have crushes on [non celebrity] men. I just don’t pursue or share it because it was pointless for many reasons – married, psychotic, different needs and wants. Cuci mata tu lain cerita larr kan? Besides, no one should settle for the first person they see just because they are afraid to grow old alone. We deserve much better than a temporary make belief happily ever after.

But my colleague has a point. We must open our hearts not only to love but to other great things as well. We are so scared of changes that we pretend to be content with what we have.

Sometimes, we just have to rip off the band aid.

Pain heals.

Changes are necessary.