Thursday, July 22, 2010

love and band aid

It is so easy to just give in to your frustration and let your depression consume you.

It is okay to allow ourselves the luxury to sulk and whine about life because it is tiring to be optimistic 24/7. It is more exhausting to pick yourself up all the time. Just let me curled up in a ball, all teary feeling sorry for myself. I’ll jump back into action when I am ready. I always do.

As long I don’t share my annoyance with every unfortunate soul that passes my way bah. Like some people. Momok pun lari oh.

Love at the workplace happens all the time. Recently, two new colleagues were noticed to be spending a lot of time together and our suspicion was confirmed - they fell in love over the fax machine. Not literally but that would have been so cute.

T: Ramai oh kan, staff jumpa jodoh dorang di sini juga

Me: Ya. Sangat-sangat ramai. Dorang baru lagi tu kerja sini pun bercouple sudah

T: Itu larr. Berapa lama sudah kau kerja sini?

Me: Four years… (knowing exactly where this conversation was heading)

T: Empat tahun sudah tiada satu pun yang sangkut?

Me: *LOL* Sot. Tidak laku bah. What to do?

T: Ada tu. You must open your heart bah

Another colleague asked me the other day if I am seeing anyone. Why people are so interested in my love life is beyond me. But that’s how the society works no? Instead of asking about other things like my health or mental state, we are more interested in the romance bit. I guess me sharing about my insomnia and food binging is not as interesting as investigating the reason for my lack of interest in men.

“Maybe dia masih sakit hati from her previous relationship.”

Sadly this is not the case. I have moved on before I found out about Ekiel and so has he.

I am a woman. Of course I do have crushes on [non celebrity] men. I just don’t pursue or share it because it was pointless for many reasons – married, psychotic, different needs and wants. Cuci mata tu lain cerita larr kan? Besides, no one should settle for the first person they see just because they are afraid to grow old alone. We deserve much better than a temporary make belief happily ever after.

But my colleague has a point. We must open our hearts not only to love but to other great things as well. We are so scared of changes that we pretend to be content with what we have.

Sometimes, we just have to rip off the band aid.

Pain heals.

Changes are necessary.

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