Tuesday, June 27, 2006

yellow polka dot bikini

Sometimes I feel the universe is playing tricks on us with its never ending test of faith, patience, will and wits.

Dear Universe,
I know our problem is petty compared to many, but a break is highly appreciated.
Thank you.

There are so many things going in my head.
It’s not difficult to put them into words.
But the world would still be as it is.


Victoria Beckham. Kate Moss. Cellulite. *LOL* No one is perfect. Even the skinniest people on earth have cellulites. There is justice after all. *phew* I do feel a little sorry for them though. Imagine the world discussing about your imperfection. *erkk* I do not want to be in their heels right now.

It is funny how at times like this people are still obsessed with stories like this.

“Hey did your read about another suicide bombing in Iraq where innocent civilians including children died? How terrible. By the way did you saw Posh Spice’s cellulite in the papers today? Who are we going to worship for their beauty and perfection now? *sob sob*”

The world has gone mad I tell you.
Just like the weather.
It’s June and it is raining every day.
Not that I miss the heat.

My friends and I are planning some year-end activities.
Island trip, white water rafting, lepaking, etc.
One of my friends is now obsessed with workouts and suggested we all get into shape so we could parade in bikinis for our island trip.
I nearly had a heart attack.
They even suggested we go according to our sports color like in high school which means I need to find myself a yellow polka dot bikini.
Have you ever seen a blue whale wearing a bikini?
I rest my case.
I don’t know how I am going to get out from this one.
*reaching for a paper bag. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat*

Yeah, diet and work out works but I would need a miracle to look good in a bikini within six months.
Victoria and Kate have some cellulite already the world is gasping in horror.
When I show up in a bikini with my cellulites AND fats, they will lock me up in a nut house and throw away the key.
Dang. These people better come and visit me every day when that happens.

Friday, June 23, 2006

thumbs up

Today is just one of those days.
I woke up in a very good mood because I had a really good night sleep.
Ekiel also woke up cheerfully which is not often.
Took my shower and do my morning ritual.
Water was slightly cold, but it’s okay.

Need to put some make up on.
My BodyShop concealer was blunt, need to sharpen it a little.
If you’ve seen the BodyShop concealer, you know the pencil-like shape was too big even for those big sharpener.
So I took a penknife and sharpen it the old-fashioned way.
Like a good mother, I was keeping an eye on Ekiel while sharpening the thing.
I was making faces at him when I feel something liquid-ish all over my hands.
When I turn to look, my blood was everywhere. I apparently cut myself.

It was a bad cut.
It took me about a minute to figure out what to do.
I put some pressure near the wound then the blood flowed slower.
I opened the door and screamed for my sister to look after my baby.
Rushed down to my mom, told her I need to go to the emergency room.
Explained to my mom what happened and first reaction is “Did you cut your finger off?”
I calmly told her no, but I am bleeding badly.
My blood was dripping on the floor when my mom realized how bad it is.
She wrapped the wound with a napkin, and off I go to the emergency room with my brother.

In the car my brother asked me what have I done this time.
Told him what happened and he roll his eyes on me.
I only had to remind him the numerous times when he had to go the emergency room instead.
I also reminded him how he cried like a baby and how that information may be used against him.

At the emergency room, a guy registered me in.
He asked how I injure myself.
Told him I accidentally cut myself. He asked me “with what?”
He was lucky I wasn’t in so much pain.
Told him a penknife.
He asked for the RM1 registration fee before he send me off to the Semi-Emergency Room.

One of the doctors sent me to a smaller room.
There was a bed there, so I climb up the bed.
Then the nurse told me to sit on a chair instead because I only cut my finger not my leg.
It was kind of embarrassing.

After what felt like forever (I was bleeding for goodness sake!) a male nurse comes in.
He injected anesthetic around the wound (4 shots).
That’s when I feel the pain.
The first two injections were a lot to take.
But being the control freak that I am, I bit my tongue and kept quiet.
When my thumb was numb so it was not too bad until I turned to have a look.
The blood was gushing out again.
He cleaned it with some spirits and started stitching.
When I feel the thread touching my other fingers, I wanted to throw up so bad.
My head suddenly starts to spin, and I feel like I was going to past out.
But the male nurse was busy talking and talking, he didn’t notice I was taking deep breaths to calm myself down.

I had three stitches then I went to see a doctor to check them.
He told me to come back in a week and gave me some painkillers.
I was in and out of the emergency room in less than an hour.
The waiting was long but the stitching bit only took less than 10 minutes.

Why am I such a klutz? *rolling eyes*
I am slowly feeling the pain as the painkiller wears off.
This is going to be a long day.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

third placing cannot be a good thing

“Reader’s Digest survey rates Kuala Lumpur as the third-worst city in courteousness. This should not be generalized to all Malaysians as it was only meant to examine the urban dwellers.”

Oh my. Sadly, this is the truth. If you don’t believe me, go and check it out yourself.

Take the public transport before and after work.
People cutting queues.
- These people are thick-skins. Before you could tell them off, they will daringly look at you to challenge their action. Some would turn a deaf ear to your comment and some would even shamelessly argue back. I can only shake my head and give them my deadly look because I do not want to make a scene.

No one give up their seat for the elderly or pregnant women.
- This is a true story. I was about 6-7 months pregnant and I had to take the bus home. It was overcrowded and the traffic was heavy. I had to stand up for hours to wait for the bus and in the bus as well. I was tired, sleepy and I was dozing off while standing up. A nice gentleman was about to offer me his seat when his friend told him it was a stupid thing to do. It’s my own problem I had to stand up not theirs. I really had to control myself before I lost my mind and start hitting them with my handbag. I also prayed the guy would fall down when he gets off the bus later. HA.

In a crowded train/bus, no one cares about you.
- Try to get out from an overcrowded train or bus. The incoming passengers are like a bunch of elephants charging in and the passengers inside are like bunch of hippos not wanting to move to make your exit easy. You try not to make so much body contact because well, you know so you have to squeeze yourself from every little space you could find. You have to be quick too because you don’t want to miss your stop. Not an easy task. I normally use the “touching the shoulder + excuse me” bit. If that doesn’t work this will “Eh hello? Can you make way ah? Omigosh. Didn’t learn moral in school ka?” I only use it when I am really really stressed out and tired. Hee.

On The Road
There’s no need to explain myself here. I saw/heard/experience many things that contributed to my phobia (I am afraid of driving. Even sitting in a fast driven car scares me to death). No matter how careful you are; there are other drivers who don’t give a shit about you. I have seen a car (two men) gave chase to another car (3 women) just because the women overtook them. At the junction when the women had to stop, those men stepped out from their car and started screaming and pounding the women’s car. They even tried to open the doors. The women driver just sped off nearly causing an accident with another car.

Customer Service
I don’t know why but this always happens to me. The you-don’t-look-like-you-could-afford-anything-here attitude really piss me off. Big time. Eh sales person only wants to act so big ka? *rolling eyes* This mentality has to change. Consumer/customer/clients now have so many options. Treat me like shit and I am out of that place so fast you wouldn’t even see my shadow – sounds so much better in my head.

Sometimes customers/clients are a pain in the arse too. “I am the customer so do what I say!” and when what they say screws up everything they will blame it on you. “I pay you to tell me what needs to be done!” No wonder everyone is singing “Bad Day”.

I could go on and on and on about this.

It is a pity. Courteousness should be a part of our identity and culture.
Sadly it is a dying value.
Even kids these days are… well just say they could use some spanking like what I went through. Now I wouldn't even know how to be rude.*wink*

Hopefully with this survey we would take the initiative to change for the better.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

one day I'll go dancing on the moon

Someday We’ll Know – New Radicals

Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving I don't know why
So many questions I need an answer
Two years later you're still on my mind

What ever happened to Amelia Earhart
Who holds stars up in the sky
Is true love just once in a lifetime
Did the captain of the Titanic cry

Someday we'll know if love could move a mountain
Someday we'll know why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries
I've driven by the place that I met you
For the ninety-seventh time ... tonight

Someday we'll know if love could move a mountain
Someday we'll know why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you

Yea yea yeah yeah

Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know that I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watch the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me ... tonight

Someday we'll know if love could move a mountain
Someday we'll know why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you

Yea yea yeah yeah

Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know that I was the one for you

It’s just one of those days.
I do miss having someone who misses me when we’re not together.
Sends me those revolting romantic notes. :P
Calls me just to say goodnight….
This song has been playing in my head over and over again.
Fyi, it is not meant for anyone in particular.

you are beautiful, no matter what they say....

One of the chatters in a chat channel says Farhan could never be an artist because she doesn’t have the package. Farhan has one of the best vocal in all the AF combined. The chatter might as well just truthfully say he/she doesn’t think Farhan is pretty enough because he/she is shallow and would only listen to pretty singers even if that pretty singer couldn’t sing to save his/her life.

It’s difficult to share what I think because in some weird way, it will come back to me on a personal level. Some would say I take it personally because I am fighting my own battle, the battle of the not-good-looking-people. A personal experience that took me a long time to recover.

I am not blessed with flawless skin, beautiful straight teeth, healthy hair, perfect figure, etc. Unfortunately I grew up in a society that worships physical beauty. It’s even more difficult when you are surrounded by beautiful people. I grew up hating everything about me and I secretly wish I was beautiful too.

As a young girl who dreams of happily ever after, I seriously think being plain looking was the reason for all the miseries in my life. There were no secret admirers, no dates, nothing. All the guys I used to have crushes at have crushes on my beautiful friends instead. And if that isn’t torturous enough, someone whom I thought was my good friend told me I will not have to worry because the guy we both (and a few other) like at that time will never pick me. She on the other hand is worried because she is among the pretty ones and the guy will only pick a pretty chick as his gf.

I could list a few more of incidents that made me feel like shit, but this isn’t really about me. Though I must admit, even as an adult I still find myself trapped in these circumstances. My ex-boss telling me to lose weight, I was rejected for a job in the beauty industry because I don’t fit their “criteria”, my friend telling me she is prettier than I am, etc. Even in my current working place, I found out in their assessment during the interview, there was a section where the interviewer has to fill about our physical look. I was rated okay looking. Ha.

That’s reality.

When I comment about the shallowness and the silliness of this whole physical thing, a guy laughed at me saying I criticize only because I am not good looking. I want the world to change their perspective so that I would feel good about myself.

I think and I think hard.

Perhaps there is some truth in that.

I want men to write poetry/song about me and declare I am more beautiful than the moon at night. I want secret admirers. I want men to worship the ground I walk on. I want to have all the advantages a beautiful woman has. I want to know how beautiful feels like.

I also admit I too love pretty and beautiful things. I drool over good looking men. I want a handsome hubby and good looking kids.

BUT I am a bigger fan of talent, kindness, love, passion, humility and sincerity. The inner beauty. The X factor.

Physical beauty is a plus. Besides there is always makeover. *wink* We have unlimited resources of beauticians, hairstylists, fashion consultants and the list goes on and on.

So to that chatter, you can find beautiful women every day, everywhere. But how often can you find real talent?

Fyi, I do not have a self-esteem issue, well not anymore. I have learned to love myself as I am. The hard way.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

why I think some people need to get a new hobby.

Call me Kat.
Call me Kitty Kat.

The Wedding Crasher.

Feeling a lot better today.
I DO TRY to be more positive in life.
It’s tiring.
So once in a while I let myself sink in my frustration.
Not that I will slit my wrist or anything idiotic.
*rolling eyes*
All I do is complain and complain.
Sometimes all I need is a good cry.
A night out with my girls is therapeutic, but I don’t get to do that anymore.
Now, I only shake my booty with my baby
That boy sure can dance.

Few days ago, some people voiced out their concerns about Malaysia’s unique cultures, the Kongsi Raya and the Open House.
Something about attending another religious ceremony, and how it is contradicting the teaching of a certain religion.
First of all, I have great respect for ALL religion because each religion promotes goodness and kindness.
It’s the people who screw up.

I just don’t understand how some people can come up with this kind of thing.
I don’t know which open houses they went, but the ones that I’ve been to have no religious ceremony going on, only lots and lots of food.
No religion would allow their devotees to attend another religion’s religious ceremony.
If there is such a thing happening, I am very sure the whole Open House concept will never be adopted by any of us anyway.
Not everyone is ignorant, you know.

Kongsi Raya only means you celebrate two different festivals at the same time.
I really do not see what the big deal.
Isn’t this “Kongsi Raya” an advertising/marketing gimmick by companies to save their advertising/marketing cost during the festival season? Why make two advertisements when you can combine them?
I seriously cannot see the problem.

I applaud the PM’s stand on this matter.
Malaysia would lose one of its biggest trademarks if they decided to scrap the Kongsi Raya and Open House culture.
We host/go open houses to show our gratitude and love to our family, neighbor and friends.
Like PM say, it’s a social gathering.
To meet and catch up.
Our life are taken over by work and technology; most of the time we only call/sms/chat/email to say hie and all.
We hardly spend time together as a community anymore.
Few times a year, we gather to celebrate our uniqueness.
We respect each other’s beliefs and we wish each other well.
Other country applauds us for our unity and understanding, and here we have certain people who blindly make statements without really understanding what is happening.

Well, I say if they think is wrong then tell them to lock themselves at home whenever someone is having an open house.
No one force them to go anyway.

I wonder what else will these people come up with the next time.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

A LONG day

Today I woke up with my son rubbing his face against me.
For a one-year old, my baby has stinky morning breath.
It was no Hallmark moment.
He was just hungry and he needed me to make his bottle.
Oh well.
He used to pinch me on the face or pull my hair.
I think the constant screaming taught him to be more tactful.
I love those mornings we spend together.
Rolling around the bed.
Making faces.
Laughing out loud.

It rained heavily this morning.
In my world, I would have gone back to bed and forget about everything else.
Reality is never like that.
Had to drag myself to work, only to be greeted by temperamental colleagues and loads of work.
Someone woke up at the wrong side of the bed and out to spoil everybody else’s day.
I got tons of work to do BUT I have no idea what or how or why.
When asked for instructions, everyone has gone deaf.
When I refer to the boss, everyone is not happy.
You complain too much work; I ended up with them.
I complain too much work; I still have to finish them.
Maybe this is just a bad dream.

Today is one of those days.
I am exhausted.
I try and I try.
It is still not enough.
My throat still hurting.
My head still aching.
My heart still bleeding.

I need to go look for that rainbow.
The one that comes out after the rain.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I am no Simon Cowell

Demam AF?

I blame my family for the addiction.
My life was peaceful before they force AF3 into my life.
Though I find AF4 pretty boring, I still need to know what are they up to and what songs are they singing for that week.
*tsk tsk tsk*
My greatest weakness is my need to know how the story ends.

Let me do my version of AF4 review on the students.

Lotter. He is a good performer but his vocal still needs A LOT of training. His strength lies in his passion to learn and his sincerity to perform. His simple and playful nature gives him the likeable factor that some students are lacking. He will have a future in the acting business. I just hope they will not exploit him as another slapstick comedian.

Diddy. He has that big vocal that I like in men. Like every other student he could sing but he doesn’t have anything unique that set him apart from the other student. He has the look and the height but he doesn’t use it to his advantage. In fact, his slouch-ness only makes his performances look awkward.

Faizal. I never realized how good his vocal is until the first concert. I say he has the best vocal among all the male students. Didn’t notice earlier because I didn’t like his insecure and “trying to be cute” character. I personally feel he lacks emotion in his singing that makes his performance a bit boring. He needs to be more relaxed and confident His dancing kinda reminded me of Spongebob Square Pants. You know the stiff body with the flailing arms and legs. Hee.

Haziq. His sensitivity is driving me crazy. If you listen carefully, he has a pretty good vocal but his character overshadows it. He doesn’t seem to mix well with the other students. He cries too much. He needs to be more versatile in his genre of music. He must stop “meng-asli-kan” everything. After the first two show off, it becomes annoying.

Amirul. He has the soft and gentle kind of voice only suitable for certain kind of songs. But that is no excuse for the poor performances. His pretty boy look is his advantage but he needs to learn to control his emotions. There’s a fine line between “manja” and a crybaby. I think he would do better if he were a part of a boy band. Here’s an idea. Why don’t Amirul and Daniel of MI2 get together and form a new boy band? Maybe they can do another reality show to find the rest of the boy band members. *grinning*

Rich. He needs to be more enthusiastic and passionate about the competition. I like it when Rich has to hit the high notes in his singing. Otherwise, his vocal is only average. For someone who already has two albums out (though he was in a band), his performance and showmanship SHOULD be better compared to the other students. Unfortunately he doesn’t take advantage of his experience.

Farhan. I love her big vocal. I also like it when she adds her own style to the song, you know those “power punches” in her singing. She still lacks emotions in her singing. Is she controlling herself or is that the real her? During her performances, I wonder if she is actually enjoying herself. I think it’s nice of her to play the big sister role, but everything about her screams “boring”. She needs to loosen up a little.

Salima. The attention is on her for the obvious reason. She is too confident of herself considering her vocal is only average. Sometimes her outspoken behavior is almost rude. She is a Drama Queen using her tears to get attention. I mean if you are upset about anything, you would normally do it in your own time and space, and not in front of the whole world kan? I believe everyone could be great if given the chance but do we really want someone with an attitude problem?

Zila. Her high pitch vocal is her gift. I like her sweet personality and her smiles. Her insecurity and lack of enthusiasm are her weaknesses. Zila is another student who holds back in her performance. She needs to learn to control her nervousness because it is shown through her eyes.

Velvet. She has one of the best vocals this season. A happy go lucky character and she didn’t let those uncalled for comments on her weight get to her. Though her singing was brilliant I still feel she needs to be more expressive through her eyes and gestures to make her performance more powerful.

Karen. She definitely stood out among the crowd. I think she is brave for trying to compete in a malay/bumiputra-dominated competition. She has a good vocal and with a lot of training and guidance she will definitely take her place in the music industry.

Nora. To me, Nora is forgettable. I only remember her as the emotional and camera-crazy chick. Her vocal is average and her performance was boring. She also has insecurity problems and she didn’t look like she belongs in AF4.

There you go. I try to be subjective, as I understand the fact that different people have different opinion. I think Faizal, Farhan, Velvet and maybe Diddy deserves to be in the finals. Unfortunately, we all know the voting pattern and it would not be a surprised if only one out of the four is in the finals.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

hot sun, air-conditioned room and heavy rain.

My throat hurts.
My head hurts.
I wish I were at home.

Been busy coping with everything.
Had the orientation thingy last week.
My old work place, orientation was more about liquor and getting sick.
Here, I had to memorize everything about the organization,
while them treating us like we’re three. Ha.

Met many kind of characters at the orientation.
There are those whom I applaud for their warmth, dedication and teamwork.
There are those whom I want to kick their arse for their stubbornness and idiocy.

I kinda lost my temper at the last day of the orientation.
It is very difficult to work with people who think they are right all the time.
I have no intention of taking charge.
I just want everyone to participate.
It pisses me off when no one wants to take the responsibility when something goes wrong.
Anyway, it is over and hopefully I won’t ever have to work with “those” people ever again.

Then we finally had Ekiel’s birthday celebration.
Had it together with Mom’s birthday.
It was a simple celebration with a lot of makan.
And I really mean A LOT of makan.

By Sunday, I was having flu, sore throat and a headache.
Too much hot sun, air-conditioned room and heavy rain.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

it's my money and I'll vote if I want too

Everyone is a critique.

Almost all local blogs talks about AF4.PERSONALLY, I think some of the critiques are justified.
But some are just insulting not only to the contestants BUT to their supporters as well.
Unfortunately this is a free country, and some people do voice out their opinion without using their head.

Though I very much try not to get involve, but hey, I am a critique too. :P

First of all, I think it is sad out of the 7,000 (or so they say) hopefuls, the twenty contestants they picked for the Prelude Concert only has so-so vocals. If these are the best of out of the whole audition, I can only imagine what the rest sound like. (I don’t watch the audition process).

Out of the twenty, there are four contestants whom I think with the right training has the potential to become a good recording artiste. Out of the four, only three were chosen for the top twelve.

Many were unhappy with the result. Unhappiness leads to criticism and accusation. I was taken aback when some bloggers/chatters commented about the four Sabahan students in the top twelve. While I do agree that Astro is taking advantage of Sabahan who loyally vote for the Sabahan students, I am unhappy when they’re making fun of us.

Many accuse Sabahan as kenegerian, but we all know Sabahan are not the only one who is devoted to the people from their own state. Why put the blame on us only? Are they intimidated by our support through the sms vote? Though I don't vote but my family does.

There are not many Sabahan artists in Malaysia’s music industry. Is it wrong to support a fellow Sabahan in making their dream come true? It’s not like we’re supporting someone who has no talent at all. They’re talented and are eager to learn. I admit other students are talented as well, but we understand the Sabahan students better because we talk the same slang and we come from the same background.

Like Mawi, I do understand the craze but many Sabahan do not understand nor enjoy the kind of music Mawi sings beautifully. See the problem? Cultural differences. Some people made fun of Marsha when she sang the “Jambatan Tamparuli”, but to us it was awesome because she was singing “our” song.

You make fun of our slang, but you want to talk like us. Some say we Sabahan still live in the cave and we have no other form of entertainment besides AF. Well my dear, we may still live in the cave but we can afford to subscribe to Astro and vote for our favorite students year after year. HA. Who’s laughing now?

I will blog my comments on the contestants next.
Now, I am going to watch the first concert repeat show with my parents.
I want to see what they think.