Tuesday, June 20, 2006

you are beautiful, no matter what they say....

One of the chatters in a chat channel says Farhan could never be an artist because she doesn’t have the package. Farhan has one of the best vocal in all the AF combined. The chatter might as well just truthfully say he/she doesn’t think Farhan is pretty enough because he/she is shallow and would only listen to pretty singers even if that pretty singer couldn’t sing to save his/her life.

It’s difficult to share what I think because in some weird way, it will come back to me on a personal level. Some would say I take it personally because I am fighting my own battle, the battle of the not-good-looking-people. A personal experience that took me a long time to recover.

I am not blessed with flawless skin, beautiful straight teeth, healthy hair, perfect figure, etc. Unfortunately I grew up in a society that worships physical beauty. It’s even more difficult when you are surrounded by beautiful people. I grew up hating everything about me and I secretly wish I was beautiful too.

As a young girl who dreams of happily ever after, I seriously think being plain looking was the reason for all the miseries in my life. There were no secret admirers, no dates, nothing. All the guys I used to have crushes at have crushes on my beautiful friends instead. And if that isn’t torturous enough, someone whom I thought was my good friend told me I will not have to worry because the guy we both (and a few other) like at that time will never pick me. She on the other hand is worried because she is among the pretty ones and the guy will only pick a pretty chick as his gf.

I could list a few more of incidents that made me feel like shit, but this isn’t really about me. Though I must admit, even as an adult I still find myself trapped in these circumstances. My ex-boss telling me to lose weight, I was rejected for a job in the beauty industry because I don’t fit their “criteria”, my friend telling me she is prettier than I am, etc. Even in my current working place, I found out in their assessment during the interview, there was a section where the interviewer has to fill about our physical look. I was rated okay looking. Ha.

That’s reality.

When I comment about the shallowness and the silliness of this whole physical thing, a guy laughed at me saying I criticize only because I am not good looking. I want the world to change their perspective so that I would feel good about myself.

I think and I think hard.

Perhaps there is some truth in that.

I want men to write poetry/song about me and declare I am more beautiful than the moon at night. I want secret admirers. I want men to worship the ground I walk on. I want to have all the advantages a beautiful woman has. I want to know how beautiful feels like.

I also admit I too love pretty and beautiful things. I drool over good looking men. I want a handsome hubby and good looking kids.

BUT I am a bigger fan of talent, kindness, love, passion, humility and sincerity. The inner beauty. The X factor.

Physical beauty is a plus. Besides there is always makeover. *wink* We have unlimited resources of beauticians, hairstylists, fashion consultants and the list goes on and on.

So to that chatter, you can find beautiful women every day, everywhere. But how often can you find real talent?

Fyi, I do not have a self-esteem issue, well not anymore. I have learned to love myself as I am. The hard way.

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