Monday, November 26, 2007

the usual monday whinning

*beats chest like an angry king kong*
So much anger bottled up. I am afraid when I blow up, I’ll be too broken to be fixed again.

Life is like a rollercoaster no? I love rollercoaster. Anyway, I am at that phase again when the engine suddenly breaks down, and I am dangling in the air, upside down with the safety belt being the only thing that stops me from falling. My world is spinning real hard. I want to throw up but I can’t/mustn’t because the whole world is watching me in my circumstances and the last thing I want to do is embarrass myself. With my need to pretend that everything is okay makes it more difficult.

I no longer questioned the reason behind all this craziness. I’ve accepted them as life’s lesson to me. Yes, I do whine about it but some people just don’t get it. Everyone seems to think I have it easy. *vomits blood* Let them think what they want to think. I am too tired to argue.
I believe what goes around comes around. I just wish the coming around would go back to them faster. *evil laugh*

I need to pick myself up soon because not only it’s affecting my work, but it sure messing with my sanity badly.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

8 random facts

This tag is from Carolchs.

The Rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs.

I am a single mommy

I am the eldest of eight siblings

My dad is Chinese and my mom is Sungai (something like the Kadazandusun)

I was in KL for ten years

I have never climbed the Mount Kinabalu but I plan to conquer it one day

I have never been out of the country and would love to do so one day

I nearly drowned four times and I still haven’t learn how to swim

I don’t drive because I am afraid, really afraid

Now, to tag 8 people…

Okay… I don’t know who reads my blog and those I know were already tagged. So, anyone who wants to do this are welcomed and leave me a message so I could check them out

*winks* Thanks.

my wish list

I have never made a birthday or a Christmas present wish list. Wait, I did tell my sister what to get me for Christmas because she buys lousy gifts. Her words not mine. But every year I only asked for Harry Potter books (btw, she is buying me the final Harry Potter book for this Christmas *yay*) so that doesn’t count as a list but more like an item. *whistles*

A few friends of mine have a wish list for practically everything so I thought why not. It’s not like I am asking anyone to buy for me anything from the list. Maybe if I wish a little louder, the wish would come true because obviously keeping it to myself don’t work.

This is a combined list because I couldn’t think of a reason why it should be a separate one.

My Birthday/Christmas Present Wish List

1. 3G phone (preferably Sony Ericsson)
I bought my current phone four years ago. It survived many horrible incidents even the one where my son threw it across the room and the phone housing/battery/sim card was everywhere. The phone has been very good to me but it didn’t survived the last episode and now no one on the other side of the phone can hear me no matter how loud I scream my head off.

Why must it be a 3G phone? Most 3G phones has everything and this is a wish list, so why not?

2. Laptop
My only wish is for the laptop has a WiFi connection. A laptop would be nice so I don’t have to wait in line for the computer at home when I want to blog and I also don’t have to write my thoughts down on a piece of paper before transferring it to PC. With a laptop I could also do so many other things like playing computer games or watching a movie when my dad/mom/siblings hog the remote control and watches the news/Indonesian soap opera/football/MTV/Channel V/etc. Take your pick.

I somehow imagine my life would be much productive if I have a laptop. I don’t know why.

3. Digital camera
Since my camera’s mysterious disappearance, life hasn’t been the same. No, I don’t miss taking pictures of myself. Okay, I admit I do somewhat miss that. *evil laugh* What I miss most are my son’s pictures. His last pictures were taken during our Manukan trip and he had grown so much since then. *sigh* I wish I took pictures of him dancing to Sean Kingston’s Beautiful Girl or his excited reaction when he saw the big balloon (bigger than himself) I bought back for him. Oh well.

Would one of those RM3K++ camera be too much for a wish list?

4. MP3 player
So I could listen to some music during one of those sleepless nights.

It’s kinda lonely you know.

I couldn’t think of anything else. Well, I can, but let’s keep the list short by putting the important things only.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

twelve days to holiday

I am already counting my next holiday which is exactly in twelve more days!!! *woohoo* I wish I didn’t have to cut my holiday short, but I guess it’s better than nothing. Right?

The reason why I am super excited about this holiday is because this is officially my family’s first holiday. I know it’s hard to believe but I swear this is the truth. When we were younger, vacation was a luxury we could never afford. So now, after years of working, we finally decide it was about time to have our first trip together. We are not going anywhere exciting, just KL but the destination doesn’t really matter.

We were looking for a place to stay at Cameron Highlands. Since we have a tight budget, we couldn’t go where I wanted to go - one of those tudor-styled hotels. So we settled with an apartment, which we searched online and picked based on the pictures. How fun is that? It was between two apartments (let’s call it A & B). Although Apt B has nicer looking couch, the un-mowed lawn is an eyesore, so Apt A won with its fancy ceiling lights. *yay*

Don’t you just love the Internet? Without it, we would have no idea how the apartment looks like and we can only cross our fingers and toes hoping it would turn out decent. But of course, if the pictures were photoshop-ed then we could end up with something scary. Ooh… the adventure….

Monday, November 12, 2007

Dr me

Have any of you watched St George Girls School’s (winner of the High School Musical 2 - dance competition) version of "What Time Is It?" video clip in the Disney Channel?

Maybe I am just over analysing the whole thing. I do that sometimes. However, I am not wrong to say those boys in that video clip are way too old for the girls no matter how "hip" and "hop" those boys dressed. I also don’t see the connection or the need for that particular scene but whatever the reason, the whole scene was just wrong.

That bit where those boys were checking the girls out wasn’t pretty. Those boys looked like they’re already in college while the girls looked like 13/14 year olds. But again, like I said, maybe it’s just me. Btw, the whole dance routine especially with the umbrella was lame.

There’s an article in the newspaper about two parents who are suing two different hospitals for negligence causing the death of their children. Before I share my personal experience, I would like to stress that I do know being a doctor/nurse is not easy. The pressure and the long hours are crazy. I do watched ER, Chicago Hope & Grey’s Anatomy. *winks* I also have few aunts who are also nurses. They have my utmost respect. But there are some doctors/nurses whom I feel should be more understanding and attentive to their patients.

I broke my leg when I was ten years old in my mom’s kampung (village). We were there for Christmas and I will tell you the details one of these days. Anyway, I was sent to the hospital because everyone was worried I’ve broken my right leg. When I got to the hospital, the doctor was out for dinner. No one could help me so I was placed in the children ward while waiting. I was in extreme pain and I remembered being so scared because a child had died in the next ward and the whole family was weeping uncontrollably. For a ten-year old, that was a nightmare.

After four hours (which felt like forever), the doctor finally came and by that time was leg was badly swollen. It was too late to do an x-ray that night, so I had to stay overnight in the hospital and I couldn’t sleep at all. The next day I had the x-ray done and the doctor told me I only fractured my leg. He put a cast to make sure it heals properly but he also cut the cast on one side and bound it tightly with bandages. He claimed that that’s the way it was done.

When I came back to KK, we went to the general hospital and my dad got a good scolding from the doctor for cutting the cast. Yeah, my dad used the butter knife to cut the cast. *rolls eyes* When explained to the doctor, he ordered another x-ray and this time the doctor said I actually broke my leg in two places and I had to recast the leg. Unfortunately, my bones have already started to heal and they cannot realign my leg to its normal position because the first cast wasn’t done properly.

And that is why I walk funny.

If the first doctor wasn’t so… careless, I wouldn’t have to live with this imperfections that somewhat dictates not only my life but the way I dressed as well. Yeah, I have to hide that imperfect leg of mine.

Another experience was when I gave birth to my son. I was already crowning when I reached the hospital. The nurses at the registration were taking forever to register me in. I told them my situation and they told me to go to the waiting room. I kept telling the nurses that I am about to deliver the baby, but they told me it’s not the time yet. They said it’s just another contraction which was normal especially for a first time mother. I then insisted one of the nurses to check and told her again, I had contractions for the past two days and my water broke before I came to the hospital. She was reluctant but went to check anyway, probably to stop me from bothering her.

When she saw the head, she panicked and immediately called the doctors to come in. Then only everyone rushed to get everything ready; my IV, the bed placement, etc but it was already too late. I pushed twice and I gave birth to Ekiel. By then Ekiel wasn’t breathing because he had meconium. If that nurse didn’t listened to me like most of them, I would not have Ekiel with me today.

True, they (the doctors/nurses) have years of experience but sometimes only the patients know what is going on with their body.

Me: I have a bad headache
Doctor: What kind of headache? Everyone tells me they have a headache but there is so many different type of headache. Which one is it?
Me: …

If I know what was wrong with me, I didn’t have to go see him right?

Saturday, November 10, 2007

best trainer? not!

My mom can tell you how bad I was in my studies. My whole high school years were a nightmare with the constant nagging about my grades. “If you don’t study, you will become a maid (no offense to anyone) and no one wants to hire you because you’re a pig” One teacher even told my dad that I would not pass the public examination. *rolls eyes* Thank goodness I did and that little achievement assured my parents I will not fall flat on my face.

I left college about seven years ago. In college I excelled and survived certain subjects. I am no good with scientific or arithmetical subjects. It’s a mystery how I could do addition, multiplication, division and subtraction without a calculator.

The whole paper or work qualification debate is very subjective if you ask me. But personally, paper qualification is somewhat an achievement, sadly not only to me but to my family as well. Therefore, when the opportunity arises, I took the challenge without any hesitation.

My first class is the English class. I love English classes but I swear this English class is the most boring English class I’ve ever attended. The trainer is an old woman whom I salute for her knowledge but her teaching skills… *tsk tsk tsk* I have never met a teacher/lecturer/trainer who loves talking about him/herself that much.

“I am SO generous with my knowledge. I taught you the actual meaning of bungalow and you could use that against your superior one day”

“I’ve traveled around the world and people tell me my English is so perfect and even better than the English”

“I am such a good teacher, I have students who called me and told me I am the best teacher they ever had”


This is a trainer who didn't explained to us the basic in English nor did she answered questions that was given to her. She also dismissed our review/comment on her book. She wrote a book about Sabah and I suppose like every writer, she is very proud of it. She stupidly asked us to do a book review on her book and assured us she is open to criticism and comments. Of course, everyone was more than willing to criticize her book senselessly.

A few of us agreed that we should compliment the book a little so the trainer would not run out of the room crying. The first speaker who commented negatively on the book got a shocking respond from the trainer.

“All of you are not a professional book reviewer, so you don’t know what you are talking about”

Bloody hell. Then why ask what we think of the book because she sure didn’t correct our grammar and all. She was just fishing for compliments. Every time someone said something nice about her book, she’ll be smiling all so proudly. *vomits blood*

“I didn’t want to be so forward by putting a portrait of me in the book, so I used a picture that shows my whole body so they couldn’t really see my face”

Well, if she really wanted to keep a low profile, she didn’t have to put a picture of herself at all. The picture she used was even more vain, with her showing off her legs while holding an umbrella under the hot sun.

Sure, I did learn a thing or two in her class but I feel she could have taught us much more. After all, we have to finish the class in ten lessons. The HR dept also felt that she wasn’t teaching us the necessary and did an evaluation about the trainer and her class. With unanimous result, the HR trainer spoke to the English trainer and got the shocked of her life.

Apparently the trainer disagreed with us, the students and accused the company placing spies in the class to make her life miserable. She accused us being rude and nasty to her. She also said we were ungrateful and the worst bunch of students she ever had. How crazy is that? She claimed she taught us the necessary but we misunderstood her.

“Ms XX, what is noun?”
“I just taught you what noun is. You should know all these. It's basic English”
(There is a reason why she was hired to teach us Basic English, duh!)

She also claimed that we purposely brought dictionaries to the class to prove that she is wrong and a terrible English trainer. But the other day, she praised those who took the initiative to buy dictionaries and books to improve themselves. Don't tell me she is not mental.

I daresay she was lucky to have us because if she had the first batch of students, she would not only vomit blood but she would probably jump into the ocean, which happens to be her favorite place in the whole world.

Every day I am reminded the importance of sanity and common sense.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Last Sat...

I attended the Palliative Care Association Annual Charity Dinner & Concert at the Grand Ballroom, The Magellan Sutera last night. Performing at the dinner were The Former Ladies of the Supremes. Yes, that Supreme where Diana Ross was once a member of.

If you’re not a fan of the Supremes, then you may not enjoy the night so much. I only know a few of their songs but I did enjoy their amazing vocals. I mean these ladies are in their fifties/sixties? Their vocals can put many of our artists to shame. There’s that one particular slow number they sang that took my breath away. It was just beautiful. It was one of those moments I wish I were with someone special. *winks*

“I stayed the whole show because of this *points her glass of wine* otherwise I would have long gone”

Seriously? No offense but why do some people allow the fancy water controlling their life?

I am taking too much time to finish this entry. *head hangs in shame*

Anyway, I enjoyed myself. Despite the "surprises" with my dress, I managed to get it fixed the night before. The midnight altering was worth it. Honestly, I loved the reactions I get. No, I wasn't the most beautiful in the room, but I guess people were just taken aback to see me in something other than my uniform. See, I do cleaned up good. Just because I don't have the need to look pretty all the time, it doesn't mean I can't or I don't know how. Hee.

I don't know if those were a positive or negative reaction though. I'll just pretend it is all good. And yes people, I too have boobs. *tsk tsk tsk*

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Sunday Tag

This is my first tag!
*woohoo* I know, I know.
I need to get a life that involves real people.

Been crazily busy at work. Since I need a break before I blow my sanity, I shall answer the following questions that serve no other purpose other than to kill time. Hee.

1. Pick out a scar and explain how you got it.
I have a scar on my middle finger (left hand) that was caused by a blender. Yes, a blender. My mom bought a new blender and I wanted to make sure that the blades are sharp. *sticks tongue out* Truth is, I don’t remember why I stick my hand in the blender but I think I my mom ask me to hand her the blade, or something like that.

2. What does your phone look like?
Old and tired.

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
My son’s ABC & 1-100 charts

4. What is your current desktop picture?
An angry cat that said “I work for money. If you want loyalty, get a dog”

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

6. What time were you born?
Sometime in the afternoon

7. Last person who made you cry?
Last person? I don’t remember… but I cried this morning when I was applied my mascara and watched “Lipstick” at the same time. (It’s difficult to apply mascara when you’re crying!)

8. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?
Summer by Kenzo

9. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
No preference

10. What are you listening to?
Invisible Man – 98 Degrees

11. Do you get scared of the dark?
Not really but sometimes my imagination plays tricks on me

12. Do you like pain killer?
Hell yeah, when I am in extreme pain that is. It's no M&Ms

13. Are you to shy to ask someone out?
You think?

14. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Kick arse Penang Char Koey Teow *slurps*

15. Who was the last person you made mad?
My son, I refuse to bring him with me to work

16. Who was the last person who made you smile?
My son, because he was upset I wouldn’t bring him to work and he said, “I don’t want sayang (love) you”

17. Is anyone in love with you?
Is this a trick question?