in the end it doesn't even matter.

"Car payment. Petrol expenses. You."

What does that supposed to mean?
*sigh*

I keep reminding myself that this is karma biting me in the arse.
It’s difficult not to get emotional.
Really difficult.
I just wish life would be a little kinder.
Not only to me, but everyone else.
We all could use a break from all this pain/heartache.

Mood: Frustrated

I am in an extremely crappy mood today.
*bleargh*
If I could do what my insanity tells me to do, I would tell everyone to go *censored*

Been feeling shitty since last week.
I know I should have gone to see a doctor, BUT… it is very difficult for me to ask for favors from anyone especially after the little speech someone made the other day.
Yes, I am do have my pride, thank you very much.
Unless I am bleeding or in extreme pain (and I have high tolerance for pain), I will then only politely ask someone to send me to the nearest panel clinic/emergency room.

I am irritable and can/will explode over the smallest thing.
Like when two pieces of newspaper went missing this morning. I asked her if she had seen it and she told me no. I SO did not believe her so I went to check her table when she went out for lunch. Guess what? The two missing newspapers are in her cabinet. Coincidence? I think not!
I could/should confronted her but after last week’s episode, I know it will be a waste of effort, time and energy. For all I know she could accuse me of planting the evidence at her place. *rolls eyes* You can never tell with psychos.

My solution? I told the concierge not to send the newspapers anymore. I will personally go and collect them myself.

Why do I have to care so much about missing newspapers?
This is not about the newspapers. It’s about people taking me for granted/treating me like I’m an idiot.

it took me five day to finish this one

"dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen"

I could hear the audition for the new resident band.
The pub is just four doors away.
How I wish I am there instead.
With one hand in my pocket and the other holding a glass of frozen margarita.

Anyhoo.
TGIF. Time flies when you’re having fun.
*rolls eyes*
Work was a little hectic with all the packing, tagging, running around and "coordination" jobs.
BTW, I think this is one of those few rare weeks where I did not lose my temper or got irritated/agitated. Did I? Hmm… *thinking* *Checking previous entries*

… I was a little upset on Monday for the task at the TM meeting, but that wasn’t really a big deal. *whistles*
Maybe I was wrapped up with work or maybe because those people around me were having a good week as well. Whatever it is, I do not want to jinx it.

Back to my margarita.
Gone were the days when I could party all night on a working day, clock in at work by 8.30am (we start at 9.00am) the next morning and look like I have just walked out of a spa.
Now, I get tired just thinking about it. *LOL*
Even when I get enough eight-hour sleep I still look like s***.
Maybe.
I am getting older.
Maybe not.

Clubbing is not only about getting wasted or collecting phone numbers. *wink* Believe it or not, I learned so much about the people around me and even myself during my ‘clubbing days’. I recognized who MY friends were. I learned to sharpen my senses and instinct as well. It also opened my eyes to… err, a lot of things? *chuckles*

It is also a VERY good exercise with the booty/boobies/fatty-shaking/wobbling.

I met all sort of people in so many ways. Some good, some bad. I learned that people aren’t always what they say they are. Even when their friends vouched for them, it still may not be the truth. *rolls eyes* Looks/first impressions are always misleading and no matter how careful/experienced you are, you can still get yourself hurt. *tear tear*

It’s the same with friends. Some friendships are meant to last longer than the rest. Some vowed they’re your friends forever BUT shit happens. Some friends just slowly disappear, busy with their own world. Nevertheless, I am very blessed indeed when I made few good friends over a jug or two of beer/a bottle or two of JD(s).

Good friends will take care of you WHEN you need to be taken care of. They will not screw you no matter how f***ed up you are. They will hold your hair when you need to throw up in the dirty washroom without being asked to. Good friends will also help you to touch up your make up after a good cry and made sure you arrive home safely even if he or she had to drag you all the way. But most of all, good friends will not take advantage of you no matter the circumstances. I repeat NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

*Flashbacks*

One of the many happy occasions I remembered the most was a birthday celebration for a friend of ours (I can’t remember who! *Errk*) Everyone who mattered (that means the party kaki) were there and there were plenty to drink. We were laughing and dancing. The cute guy whom we drooled over, *ahem ahem* okay larr, I did most of the drooling, was also there with all his sexy eyes and smiles that still make my heart skips a beat or two. *drooling* The DJ was playing all my favorite songs. It was really a good night and everyone was having a good time.

The birthday girl blew out the candles and what started as a friendly cream smudge on her face became a battle of cream/cakes/ice cubes. I managed to avoid being hit by running away because I was smart. *grinning* I managed to do some "damage" by poking my friend’s eye with my creamed (with cake frostings!) finger and believe it or not, my poorly aimed creamed coated caked ended up in a friend’s ear. I ran out of the place and stayed out of everyone’s way when I saw two girl friends of mine running from the pub, to the main road and across the road to the next block of shop houses. The chaser was holding a piece of heavily creamed cake and the one being chased was screaming for her dear life. Well, she was dressed to kill and cream would only ruined her make-up. *LOL* So much for ladylike and elegance. BUT it was fun fun fun.

So many story to tell. Next entry perhaps?

I did have a lot of fun. I’ve done many crazy things. Do I miss those days? Hell yes. Will I do it again? Definitely. Why I don’t go out anymore? BECAUSE I can’t afford it. *LOL* Also because all my party friends have "settled" down or they’re at the other side of the country. That and the fact that I’ve used up all my energy to please everybody, and now I am too tired to do anything anymore, contributed to my new homey personality. *wink* BUT I am looking forward for my trip. Yes. Very excited.

I toasted to new beginnings.
I drowned sorrows away.
I fell in love.
I fell out of love.
I laughed.
I cried.
I celebrated.
I consoled.

Memories. Experiences. Friendship.
I miss the clubbing me.

me no nerd

I couldn’t believe my sister.
Me: … You should go to the libraries and read books...
My sister: I don’t want. I don’t want to be a nerd.

Wtf? I applaud her for never failing to amaze me with all her ridiculous ideas. Her stubbornness deserves a medal too, if only she was fighting for the right battle.

The second sister and I read a lot. Does this mean she sees us as nerds? *shocked* I don’t know about the second sister but I think I am one happening chick. *whistles* I am not saying I am a good role model, but I think we, well at least I am a pretty cool sister. Hee.

The second sister asked me how they (the younger sisters) became so delusional. It’s not so difficult to figure out who the culprits are. The harder bit was to do something about it.

My younger siblings are very lucky if you ask me. My second sister and I are given house chores when we were still in primary schools. Do the dishes, clear the dining table, sweep the floor, babysit the younger ones and cook rice. We had a schedule and we constantly argued about it hoping to get out of our assigned task. Of course that never happened. As we got older, more and more chores were given to us. We had to wash and iron our own clothes. We had to learn to cook – I handled seafood dishes. I even cleaned all those seafood my dad bought from the market! We bathed our younger siblings, feed them and I was also in-charged of the cleaning after the poop because the second sister refused to do it.

I remembered the day I came back from school. No one was home and I found the key my mom hid for me. When I walked in, there was vomit on the floor and on the baby mattress. I knew my baby brother was sick again and they had gone to the hospital. I didn’t know how long would they be in the hospital so I mopped the floor and took the mattress outside and watered it with a hose. The next-door makcik saw me and complimented me for being a good daughter. *ahem ahem* My point is, although I didn’t want to do it, I had to because it was the right thing to do.

Things are different with my younger siblings. My mom does everything for them. Thank goodness they don’t need to be fed, bathed or cleaned anymore. *rolls eyes* They don’t even bother to wash their own plate and spoon although the utensils they used are the only thing in the sink! *sigh* When you tell them to do certain house chores, they tell you later, and that later never come. Or they will start to b**** and that irritates the hell out of my mom and my mom will do the chores herself. I used to do the same until I realized it was their plot to avoid the chores. I am SO not going to fall for it again.

Once upon a time, I too used to be a kid/teenager. I do know many things about peer pressure and disappointments. I remember when I was ten year old, my friends were drooling over this character called Sierra from a TV show (can’t remember what). I have never watched it for reasons I cannot remember. They were talking about it every day all the time. I didn’t want to be left out so I made sure I watch and memorize the show even when I find the show boring. *LOL*

I realized the world has changed. The pressure to be "perfect" is much greater with constant reminders taunting you from everywhere. Even at my age, I still feel the need to oblige the society’s demands. I am just worried to see kids today who are so wrapped up in their own "media-influenced" world, they forget or refused to see reality.

They prefer MTV to TVIQ. They prefer My Super Sweet Sixteen than Sweet Valley Twins. They prefer low cut jeans than pretty dresses. They prefer sms-ing/chatting/on the phone with their friends than talking to their own family. Their general knowledge is also an embarrassment. They know so much about the entertainment industry but so little about their own country.

I tried talking to them but they just irritate me with their idiotic responses. I wish I could smack some senses into them but they are pretty strong and could easily getaway. Bribing only works temporary. My mom has given up hope. I seriously ran out of idea.

I am worried they will grow up as simpletons and not like Paris Hilton (you have to admit she markets herself profitably). I hope they will get out of this "phase" soon enough.

grinning like an idiot

It’s funny how one insignificant news could change your day.
I was having my “I am bored-sleepy-lazy plus giddy” day.
You know, my everyday routine. *whistles*
Today was a little warm.
I swear they shut the air-cond down just for the fun of it.
I was perspiring underneath my thick and out-of-fashion uniform.
It was after five.
I was getting restless and I desperately need to go back and watch TV but I must finish editing those photos first.
My colleague started talking about the supernatural events that happened/is happening in the office.
I was intrigued.
I only need to edit few more photos.
I got mail.
I looked at the sender’s name while listening and editing my photos in between.
It was a good friend.
Subject : xxx.
Another forwarded email I thought.
I browsed the email quickly.
They heard whispers and noises.
Wait.
Who he what?
I go through the email again.
My colleague's babbling became a blur.
Finished the last photo.
He didn’t?
*grinning*
No way.
Replied email.
*still grinning*
Responded to my colleague appropriately.
*still grinning*
Switch the computer off.
*still grinning*

It feels really good when “someone from the past” asked about you.
Hee.
Fyi, I am still grinning after four hours and counting.
A natural high.

Fooled again.

I don’t know what happened but my friend volunteered me for another task at the TM meeting this week. Again. I was busily editing my photos in the computer when she walked in and told me I need to volunteer myself this week. Instead of telling her to jump off from the top floor, I told her “Okay larr if no one else can do it.” *banging head on wall* I SO hate this side of me.

I was the timer in last week’s meeting. It was a little frustrating at first when the indicator light was no where in sight and I had to make do by knocking a glass of water when the time is up. After I finished explaining my task and trying to knock ‘loudly’ on the glass, the KK TM member gave me colored cards instead because no one could hear my knocks. She then told me to start again just in case some people get confused with those cards. *rolls eyes* If they don’t get it, then they seriously have a problem.

While I was explaining those damn cards, the indicator light was delivered safely. Thank goodness they didn’t ask me to start over again. My happiness didn’t last very long when the stop light didn’t functioned as it should be. *sigh* Is it a sign from the universe? Then the engineering guy came and solved my problem. *clap clap clap* So clever.

This week, I am the Table Topic person. All I need to do is ask questions and pick whoever I dislike and make them answer my questions. *evil laugh* It is a pretty easy task if you ask me, but I just don’t want these people to use me as replacement whenever they could not find someone to do the tasks. They better put a good word in my appraisal next month. *whistle*

From what I hear and observe, my journey with this company would be a complicated one with a lot of arse kissing. Yes, I do condemn arse kissers, but I learned if I can’t beat them, I might as well TRY to be like that. I can play the game too you know. Besides, I need a job promotion and an increment.

Life is not cheap and money does not grow on trees.

Evaporated creative juices

After attending my Creative Writing Class, I realized I am just an ordinary writer. Not that creative after all.
*sigh*
The evidence.

Re-write the following sentences in your creative style (something like that larr) Blue is my answer. In red is the lecturer's.

1. Look morning is here.
- It’s another beautiful morning
~ Watch as Mother Nature slowly but surely lifts her black veil over the horizon, exposing the morning sun yearning to break free.

2. Watch the daylight clear the dark sky
- Celebrate the colors of the universe as daylight creeps over night
~ Watch as the piercing sunray melts the cover of darkness like butter to a flame

3. Look, a leaf is falling down being blown by the wind
- The leaf dances with the wind, celebrating a full life and another new beginning
~ Watch as a leaf detach itself from its host and glide down on cushion of whispering breeze

4. Smell the wet grass which is newly mowed
- Smell the sweet fragrance of nature as they mow the wet blanket of earth
~ Smell the aroma of freshly cut grass bathed by the softness of the morning dew

5. Listen to the sounds being made by the birds in the morning
- Listen to the birds as they sing songs of praises of another new beginning
~ Listen as the birds cheerfully greet the morning sun in a multitude of chatters only they understand

Oh dear. MY only explanation is, I don’t function very well in the mornings. HA.

Belated pictures II

Some of the pictures from my Beluran trip. Click on the Beluran link (on your right) for more pictures.

Kayang-kayang (scarecrow the kampung version)

My sister and the langsat trees
The South China Sea


Durians... lots of durians!


my first encounter with the bambangan tree

Belated pictures

It is difficult to post pictures these days. *sigh* downloading what I can

the boys enjoying their dessert



this was dessert



Hafiz slurrping his soup






me and the boys
Ikmal loved his soup



the Akmal & Ali Cafe
the happy boys

Guna jari pun boleh...

"I’ll decide my table arrangement once he decides his. I SO do not want to sit facing him again"
I turned around only to find his face 3 feet away from mine. I could feel myself blushing with embarrassment and how I wish I could fly to Lala Land and hide my head under my pillows made out of white puffy clouds. *banging head on table*

If you know me, you know I have a thing about people looking/staring at me for more than 30 seconds. Eye contact during a conversation I can handle. Not while me busy blogging/checking my msgs during office hours and of course, working. *ahem* Even with my eyes glued to the computer screen, I could still feel the staring and the watching. Don’t know why larr. I am that conscious. It’s not him (my manager), it is just something I am not comfortable with. I used to have my own room/space so yes I am spoilt! Ha.

I spent about RM200 on my hair. My mom and second sister do not understand how could I spend so much on myself. WELL… how am I supposed to explain to them the instant boost of confidence I get when I see my beautiful hair *wink* in the mirror? How do I explain that ‘proud’ feeling I get or the fact my face lit up automatically when someone commented how look I good with my beautiful hair? Call me vain but it FEELS SO BLOODY DAMN GOOD.

*sigh*

I needed this self-pampering. I am so sick with all the drama of these terrible actors/actresses that think the world is jealous of them and punishing them by making their life miserable. I am tired pretending I am fine and trying to please everyone. It’s really frustrating when I can only imagine hurling them with a heavy object when they start to annoy me. *grrr*

Starbucks finally opened not one but TWO outlets in KK (and eight more to open soon). *woohoo* I finally had my Ice Blended Mocha last night after months of cravings. It was good and I felt better too just hang out on a Friday night with friends. I wanted to take some shots but I am so shy. *whistles* The next time larr. Even if I did, I couldn’t post it here because I somehow could not upload any pictures now. I don’t know why and I have given up hope trying to figure it out.

We have also moved to the new office. The new place is a lot bigger than the old one. Sure I like it here, but the only problem is it is so far away from everyone else. To get my boss’ signature I need to walk up. To fax a document I need to walk up. To go to the storeroom I need to walk up. *sigh* Welcome to my life.

a short one

I wish I have extra pairs of hand or maybe an extra mind so I could blog and work at the same time. *sigh* I used to handle a lot more work than this but of course I have no idea what a blog is back then. There are so many things I wanna blog about but I am too busy or too tired to think. Oh well.

Short re-cap of the past week.

My trip to my mom’s hometown was a good one. The place changed so much it didn’t look like a kampung anymore. A kampung should look like the pictures in the book. You know wooden houses, paddy fields, etc. Instead you have big brick houses with Astro dishes and few 4WD parked in their garage. A little disappointing but hey, I can’t stop them from improving their lifestyles can I? The roads, oh they finally have tarred roads too! *clap clap clap* I remember the bumpy/muddy rides before and it was really a pain in the arse. *wink*

I finally get to see the langsat/rambutan/durian/tarap/bambangan trees during the fruit season. All those fruit peeking out from the branches was… exciting. *whistles* I am so the very jakun aren’t I? I also had my first taste of fruit picking in the fruit orchard. It wasn’t an easy thing to do. It was hot, tiring, sticky, muddy and itchy affair. Those jungle mosquitoes were SO huge, I was actually afraid of them! They feasted on my arms and legs and I had over 40 itchy mosquito bites. It was crazy. I also managed to get a tan. *lol* Weird but true.

We went to the jetty to get fresh seafood and it was also different from what I remembered. One thing remains the same is the wooden dock (not sure if I am using the right terminology here) that connects the jetty and those fishing boats – does that make sense? ANYWAY the wooden thing didn’t looked too safe and it actually wobbled so I stayed put while my mom, grandma and youngest sister went to towards the end to pick live tiger prawns for dinner. I was actually afraid they would end up in the sea especially when I heard cracking sounds from the dock. At one point, my mom actually squatted down because she was feeling a little sick in the stomach. Hee. Then my grandma told us about a month ago, one of the wooden dock collapse and six people were injured because of the fall. *gasp* Now she tell us. I’m sure the fall was painful as the ground was full with seashells.

The long holidays came and went, and I am missing it terribly.

I dragged myself to work imagining how terrible it would be. It sucked but not too bad until we were told to vacant our office ASAP and move to the dungeon below far far away from civilization. *banging head on the wall* In my previous company, we moved to 4 different offices! Here, though this is my first, my department has already moved numerous times and this may not be the last move. *sigh*

Another irritating news I got was my manager volunteered me to take up a task in the next TC meeting. Wtf? I am not even a member and I only attended the meeting once. They have over 40 members and he had to volunteer me. When I confronted him, he said I was very interested about joining the club. *roll eyes* What did he expect me to do? Tell everyone at the meeting that I think I wasted my time attending it? Crazy.

Why do some people think they are doing us a favor when all they do is make our life more miserable?