Sunday, December 07, 2008

sour no more

The past few weeks, I was grumpy, hot tempered and agitated. Though I believe that hormones is something I can control, but it did somewhat contributed to the drama with me feeling bloated and tired all the time.

The external factors are obviously the soap operas that haunts me wherever I go, indecisiveness and attitude problems of many, many people that I am destined to live with for the rest of my life.

In a perfect world, I’d be singing happy songs whenever I am sad like in Enchanted, but let’s face it people, this is reality and somehow it is always a downer. Yes, we must look for the rainbow after the rain blah blah blah but does anyone have the time to look for that mystical rainbow? If I see one, then good for me. You know what I’m saying?

I dislike being a grouch because the guilt can kill me. Even when I think that person deserves it, I still feel bad for being b*****. It’s just not, me.

My son became the victim because that boy does not know how to stop being pushy. At one point, I told him to stay away from me because I don’t trust myself anymore. I came back from a shitty day at work to another crazy evening at home and he threw a tantrum because he didn’t want to use his pajamas for my siblings called him a baby. I know changing him will do the trick but it was just one of those moments. You think that boy will be scared with me yelling and all, but no… he hold on to me tightly and refuse to let me go until I calm down. *head hangs in embarrassment*

Some of you may think I am a no good mother who has no shame for sharing my flaws with the rest of the world. *chuckles* Well, this is true. I am not that strong or tough after all. I must admit that I sometimes feel alone and helpless. I am tired of telling people my frustrations, my worries. I need someone who understands and knows what I feel without me having to tell them.

I am glad I found him in his small but comforting embrace. The feeling was pure. Something that I have lost long, long time ago.

Life is simple really. It’s the people who make it complicated. Now, when I see people being nasty, I know they have not found their special place.

And you know what, maybe we should start singing and dancing every chance we get in life. Life is too short so why must we worry what people say kan?

I just watched Mamma Mia last night and yes, they are not the greatest singers but somehow they put a smile in my heart. I so want to do Dancing Queen now… “you can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life.. ohhh.. see that girl, watch that scene, she is the dancing queen…”

Kawan2, we must ya do this song”

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