welcome to Sabah

Some of the pics I took at Sabah Fest.
Kotobian Tadau Tagazo Do Kaamatan.
(Happy Harvest Festival)

surprise. not so surprise.

There was a point in my life when I was positively sure I would make a good party planner. I’ve organized camps, telematch, parties, and mini concerts without many problems. Of course, these were during my high school/teenage life and those events were for school children. The biggest challenge was to keep them entertained and involved with the activities.

As an adult, people expect A WHOLE LOT more from you. Everyone is critical with every detail you chose and every decision you make. Personally I don’t care so much what other people think BUT I am more worried about what I myself would critique and comment. I wouldn’t say I am a perfectionist. BUT, I do have this habit where I need the things I do to be in order and flawless. Perfect. It drives me crazy when other people do not put extra attention in the small details. Of course, I do not throw a fit or anything violent, I would usually ended up redoing the whole thing on my own.

We (my siblings and I) are in the midst of preparing for my parent’s 30th wedding anniversary and my mom’s 50th birthday. I have it all planned out in my head. It would be a simple but lovely affair. The tricky bit is to make sure it happens without problems. Okay. Without much problem. We barely even started already I am having problems with corporation from everyone. *rolls eyes* Predictable.

While I was busy doing work, planning, day dreaming and trying not to daydream, my parents found the invitation letters I was supposed to mail earlier. *bangs head on the wall* The thing is, every Sunday my dad would check the post box on his way to my aunt’s place. That Sunday I tagged along because I wanted to mail the invitations. Then my dad decided not to go to the post office because he forgotten the post box keys. So I kept those letters in the car (my sister’s) compartment and forgotten all about it until my mom called me in the office and wants to know the content of the red envelopes.

I was so shocked but then I started laughing. Yes, I know it is a strange reaction considering the circumstances but it was funny because my mom thought it was an invitation for a wedding (just because the envelope is in red) and she demands to know who are those cards from. I told her to ask my sister, the car owner and my mom said she did and that sister insisted those cards are mine. I then told her I am not in the position to tell because the cards aren’t mine. I only designed the card and distributed them as per instruction. The time will come when my mom will be informed about the contain of the card. My mom seems content with the explanation but I know my mom still thinks it’s a wedding invitation card. Who’s wedding it is she is uncertain but I am sure my mom knows it’s not mine. I wouldn’t suspect me either. *whistles* Thank God I sealed those cards and I was surprised when my dad told my mom to just open it. Hee.

Work is getting crazy. I have been working every alternate weekend. It’s tiring but that’s not the main issue. Most time I am clueless with what I need to do and I hate that. I am so worried I will make a fool out of myself. Like this Sat when I need to emcee an event. No idea what’s happening and how it is done. *rolls eyes* Sometimes being efficient is not a good thing.

I need a drink. Preferably with THAT GUY. Refer to previous post.

muach.

It has been a crazy month and today is only the 16th.
I admit my life is a bore and I could use some excitement, but I was thinking ‘knight in shinning armor sweeping me off my feet to some exotic island’ kind of excitement. All I got were dramas over idiotic and ridiculous thing from selfish and obnoxious people.

Although I am not involved in those dramas, I am frustrated with what had happened. Especially with the drama at home. Kids these days just have no respect for other people.

Anyway...

I think I seriously need professional help. That or go out and meet new people more often. The last time I was on a date/seeing someone was almost 3 years ago. I refused to think about it because I didn’t feel I was ready and also the fact that there was no one. Hmm... But that day, when a guy was kinda flirting with me, kinda because I wasn’t sure if he was really flirting (?), I get all excited and cannot help myself but to think about it/him almost all the time. I am pathetic, I know.

I’ve almost forgotten how good it felt to flirt and to be flirted with.

Someone told me I need to get back into the dating world. Honestly, I don’t know if I want to or if I should. Yes, I know some men do not mind dating someone with kid(s), but how many men are like that especially at this part of the world? I have nothing much to offer. I don’t look like Jessica Alba. I am stubborn. I am opinionated. I bring with me emotional baggage that I think I have locked up good and throw away the keys, but it could still just blow up in my face some time soon.

Sure, like everyone else, I do have some good qualities. I am sensible. I am witty to a point almost sarcastic (that’s not a good quality anymore isn’t it?). I think I am a happy person. I am giving. I am kind. I am nice. But seriously, is that really enough? Honestly, it doesn't felt like it is. Everything is about physical look. I see how some men checking some chicks out. I want men to look at me like that too! *ahaks*

I think my exhaustion is messing with my emotions and sanity.
No worries. I am still optimistic about love and life.

my day the other day

I found few articles I did not manage to post.
Better late than never right?

I had a dream.
I was home. Well it felt like home to me but it doesn’t look anything like my current home or any home I’ve seen. It was a really big house and the living room was AMAZING. The living room walls were made out of glass but that didn’t impress me as much as those sea creatures swimming around the house or the hammer shark swimming on top of the house. Yes people, in my dream, I was living in the middle of the sea.
Was that a glimpse of the future?
My mom thinks I’ve been watching to many Spongebob.

in a hurry...

I miss my blog.
I’ve been and still am so busy.
It’s crazy really.
I am still asking myself it is worth it.
Still waiting for that day to happen.
They keep telling me that day will happen very soon.
I waited and waited.
Nope.
No show.
It’s shitty but that’s life.
I can only choose to make the best out if it.

I cannot believe my baby will blow his second candle soon in two weeks time.
Times really flies when you stop whining about it. *ahaks*
Take care people.

TGIS

I finally! got some free time to sit down and just do nothing. Pretty sure I could do something useful at this very moment, but I refuse to do so. I am tired. Tired. Tired. Been working through the weekend. Haven’t worked like this for a very long time.

I used to work crazy hours before but it was only a five-day week job. When I got home, I could just go to sleep without even thinking about it. Now I work 51/2 days a week and at least 10 hours a day, obviously not by choice. By the time I reach home wanting nothing but rest, my other "boss" is already waiting for me, determined that I entertain all his fancies and whims. Like dancing to the commercials or play ball at 9.00pm or give him a hi-five for a job well done for the 20th time. It’s crazy.

Every night, well almost every night I would look forward to go home and listen to him singing the Adabi (some spice manufacturer) commercial song or Menuju Puncak –AF (something like American Idol) and smile sheepishly when you tease him about it. Unfortunately, there are also times when I wish he would just leave me alone. I am a bad mother aren’t I? No need to give me that look, I am already feeling guilty about it among many other things.
###

I am taking TOO long to finish this entry. This is like the third day and I am still not finish. *rolls eyes* I am still tired. Sadly, that sluggishness is also accompanied by void. It’s not a bad feeling but it ain’t so nice either.

I had a weird dream last night. I cannot remember the details now, but I do remember that bit where a particular colleague kissed me. Heh? Anyway, this morning as I walked in to my office, I bumped into him and I felt so shy. *LOL* Thank goodness I am all about keeping cool and control. Otherwise I would turn around and avoid him the whole week. I know it’s crazy because it was just a dream and he doesn’t know about it, but I am like that.

just a short one

Insane.
The only word I could think of to describe the past week.

I don’t get it. I don’t understand why some people have nothing better to do than to create ridiculous stories about someone. If you have anything against anybody, criticize him/her. It’s natural to complain about other people’s behavior that you dislike. But OMG, don’t make up stories. It’s childish and unprofessional. I am really frustrated because at the moment I am that anybody.

When I first heard the drama, of course I was pissed off. After a while I feel sad. Now I think it’s funny and stupid. You would think two educated women who are in their late thirties would have something better to do or at least the common sense.

I will not give them the satisfaction by behaving like them. I shall handle this situation calmly and professionally even if it kills me.

my fav shots

Blue Monday

I am upset. Frustrated with what had happened. Hell, I am so pissed off I want to break something. I couldn’t/wouldn’t of course. I know better than to let someone who thinks he is god *nauseous* get to me.

I tried not to get involved but the monthly welcome letter for the guests is my responsibility. I could tell the girl it is not my problem anymore because I am only required to write it. Not to make sure it is in the room by the first of every month. If someone thinks the letter lack information and revised it on his own, he should inform my boss about it because my boss already edited the letter the way she thinks fit. He has NO BUSINESS changing it simply because HE IS NOT THE COMMUNICATION DIRECTOR. Hell, I could give him a long list with the inadequacy of his own department. He should fix his own problem before he goes poking his nose into someone else’s.

I don’t care if he wants to edit it. I understand different people have their own writing style and preferences in everything. Taste IS subjective. I am just upset with the word he uses.

Long time in the rooms. We don’t wait for you while you are enjoying your off day. It’s all been sorted out. Don’t worry.

WTF does that mean? Just because I work office hour doesn’t give him the right to say things like that. 31st March was a public holiday but I have given the first draft on 19th March but they wanted to put more information and with all the editing and approval, my boss finally approved it 30th March. He then sent an email asking to hold the letter first. He made the amendment but he didn’t inform us or the other hotel about this. So when the other hotel called asking about the letter, I had to ask him what changes he made. That’s the right thing to do, no? – FYI, the resort I work with runs 2 hotels among many others and we have this rule about standardized collateral, letters and what not.

So I politely asked him for his amendments so I could forward it to the other hotel. This is what he replied.

You should not ask me. Ask XXX. XXX will get very mad when she reads this.

XXX is the person in charge of the other hotel. I asked for HIS amendments not XXX’s. I know it was pointless to argue so I thank him for his time. HE gave the instruction to hold the letter. HE instructed HIS staff to proceed with the letter HE amended without even checking it with us in the communications department nor did HE inform the other hotel about it. So what is with his reply?

If he has anything against my boss or my department, don’t point his fingers to me and cc the email to almost everyone. Don’t make it sound as if I am the idiot and I am not doing my job properly. Hell, I am only the coordinator and just one level above the janitors of the hotels. I get minimum pay but I am doing A LOT more than what my job description says for example the letter. I worked overtime and I don’t even claim the overtime unlike my manager who claims every hour he has to work after office hour. I do try my best but there are days (like today) when I ask myself if it’s really worth it.

I don’t really understand why some people behave like an ass. Does it give them some sort of unexplained satisfaction like me and my "happy endings"?

Why can’t everyone just be nice?
It’s only Monday and I am already having a bad week.

spa experience

Hello. It has been one crazy week.
Work. Emotionally. I am physically tired.
My whole body (esp my neck) is in pain.
No, I did not run a marathon nor did I do anything physical.
In fact I had a very good massage about two weeks ago.
I guess it is just one of those days.

Anyway, one of the very few perks working in THIS resort is the spa trial (not very sure if other resort with spa has the same thing). Every time the spa gets new therapists, they will invite the staff to try the new therapists’ services and comment their performance. I am not ashamed to admit that I look forward to this and I am always the first few to sign up. Hey, I can never afford spa for myself.

I took the Ultimate Indulgence package that costs RM700++. *evil laugh* I usually take the massage only but I think I deserve a treat for all the work I’ve been doing and the very little pay I am getting. That was my first - full spa treatment experience. I was nervous because I wasn’t sure what to do. I did what most people would do - surfed the net to learn the spa etiquette but the information I got wasn’t so helpful. Or maybe I keyed in the wrong key word. Spa+Etiquette+Jacuzzi+Nude.

When I arrived, they gave me the usual warm and friendly greetings. Bla bla bla. They were telling me about the spa and all but I was too busy admiring the decor to listen. Fyi, there’s two spa at this resort. I’ve only been to the smaller one, which was pretty cozy and nice enough. But this particular spa, the so-called main branch, was WOW. Balinese concept all the way. The workmanship was beautiful. With the traditional Balinese music playing in the background, it felt as if I have walked into a different country. How cool is that? Very.

They led me to the Deluxe Spa Suite. The place was bigger than my living room! They left me for a while so I could change. They provide bedroom slippers, towels and disposal underwear only certain people could fit. *rolls eyes* Oh well. First on the treatment list was the Aromatheraphy Floral Footbath. I know there were three different oils but I chose the lemongrass (or was it ginger?) for reasons I do not remember. Aching feet? Anyway, I was actually a little shy and embarrassed with my feet who in dire need of a good pedicure work but the therapist was professional enough not to gag or anything like that. *phew*

Next was the Lavender Body Wash. I thought it smelled more like cucumber but anyway it refreshing although a little cold. It was raining heavily outside and though they switched off the fan, they cannot control the temperature of the centralized air cond. With only thin sheet covering my body, I was really cold but the rain made the whole experience more calming and relaxing. There is just something about the rain that I like.

After the body wash, I had the Traditional Body Scrub. Again there were choices of scrub and I can only remember two - Coconut something for something and Balinese Coffee for detox. I chose Balinese Coffee. I smelled so good I wanted to lick myself but that would definitely freak those therapists out. I wasn’t so sure what was I supposed to feel after the body scrub but I do feel very clean.

I looked like the Swamp Thing with all the coffee scrubs. Hee. I was asked to take a shower before the next treatment. The shower room was HUGE. You could tango in there. The showerhead is the kind you fix on the ceiling to give the rain effect. I am so jakun, I know. It was really nice but I didn’t want to get my hair wet. So I had a pretty awkward shower with me walking in and out of the water, with my head moving in every direction because I couldn’t find a shower cap. I know I could ask for one, but at that very moment, doing the ‘Must-Not-Wet-Hair’ move was the logical thing to do.

After the shower, I was given the choice of Aromatheraphy Floral Bath in the jacuzzi or Herbal Steam in the steam room. I wanted to look like the model in their spa brochure, so I chose the jacuzzi. Was really really excited about it. *woohoo* But my excitement didn’t last too long though. Fyi, I wrapped myself in a towel and before I went into the jacuzzi, I had a little debate with myself. Should I go in with or without the towel? The therapists were going around cleaning the place up. The jacuzzi is outside the treatment room but the door to the jacuzzi was a glass door. I am sure those therapists were professional enough not to peek BUT I was SO shy and self conscious I went in with my towel and all. I know it’s stupid considering the therapists had already seen most part of my body *giggles* but I would like to keep those unseen parts, unseen.

While I was in the jacuzzi, all I could think about was how heavy those towels were in water and how do I change it for my massage later. I also poured myself some ginger tea and sipped them slowly as if sipping tea in a jacuzzi was nothing new to me. *winks* I finally told myself to just enjoy and forget about the towel and before I could start doing that, it was already time for the massage. So I hold on to my towel tightly, grabbed a dry towel nearby and changed gracefully. Those years of changing my school pinafore to sports uniform without having to undress completely definitely came in handy.

The massage I had was the Mandara Massage. Mandara Massage: Our signature treatment. A relaxing massage performed by two therapists working in concert employing a blend of five approaches: Japanese shiatsu, Thai Hawaiian Lomi Lomi, Swedish and Balinese. Pure pleasure. If I have another set of hand I would give the massage four thumbs up. Yes, it was that good. It was so relaxing I actually dozed off. When they stopped the massage to do the facial and foot massage, I was so sad. I pouted until one of the therapists slapped some cold lotion thingy on my face. It smelled like fruits. The facial and the foot massage weren’t as great as the Mandara massage but it was good enough.

The whole treatment lasted for 2 hours and 30 minutes. I wish it would last longer though. After the treatment I felt really good, the headaches stop, the muscle wasn’t aching anymore. I felt almost like brand new. Well, you know what I mean. Hee. Now I know why some people are hooked on to all this. This is definitely a great way to enjoy life and pamper yourself.

Now I think I would call the spa manager just to say hie. If I’m lucky, I could try their famous champagne jacuzzi. *giggles* Next time I will definitely take pics.

something stinks and it's not me.

CNY 2007

Chinese New Year 2007 pictures at my place and my aunty's place in Penampang.

New Year 2007

I know it's already March, but hey I just got these pictures, my internet connection is still down, and I just got myself a thumbdrive. *yay*

under the sun

Another delayed entry.
The past few days were a blur.
I am sure I still have other gazillion things to do.
Don’t I always?

My last weekend was supposedly great but honestly it didn’t feel like it. I went to the island with my son and some friends. The weather was almost perfect, almost because personally I think it was a little too hot but everyone else loved it.

While the rest went swimming and sun tanning, my son learned the art of sand kicking. He refused to get into the water and prefers to kick sand or play ball. Most time I had to make sure he doesn’t eat sand but after that one time when he accidentally got sand in his mouth, he knows sand is friend and not food.

He was a little too attached during the trip. Yes he have never met any of them, but after a couple of hours, I feel he should at least warm up to some of them who tried and tried to get his attention. He gets upset if I talk to other people. He will demand I take his picture every time he sees me pointing my camera someone else. Hee.

My Ekiel frowns like an old man.

Everyone had fun. My son had fun.

Another delayed entry.
The past few days were a blur.
I am sure I still have other gazillion things to do.
Don’t I always?

My last weekend was supposedly great but honestly it didn’t feel like it. I went to the island with my son and some friends. The weather was almost perfect, almost because personally I think it was a little too hot but everyone else loved it.

While the rest went swimming and sun tanning, my son learned the art of sand kicking. He refused to get into the water and prefers to kick sand or play ball. Most time I had to make sure he doesn’t eat sand but after that one time when he accidentally got sand in his mouth, he knows sand is friend and not food.

He was a little too attached during the trip. Yes he have never met any of them, but after a couple of hours, I feel he should at least warm up to some of them who tried and tried to get his attention. He gets upset if I talk to other people. He will demand I take his picture every time he sees me pointing my camera someone else. Hee.

My Ekiel frowns like an old man.

Everyone had fun. My son had fun.

dancing angels

Every time I watch a musical or any movies that has people singing or dancing in it, I get all warm and tingly inside. I cannot explain this crazy obsession of mine though I suspect my long forgotten dream of becoming a superstar is not completely forgotten. I was seven. My friend wanted to become the queen.

"William: You're just a silly girl arn't you. Jocelyn: Better a silly girl with a flower, than a silly man with a horse and a stick... [walks away] Wat: It's called a lance... hello... "– A Knight’s Tale

I watched A Knight’s Tale the other night (Heath Ledger is so yummy!) and I just LOVE the medieval dance number and David Bowie’s Golden Years. It’s SO going to be in my wedding song list. Heh? At the beginning of the song/dance, there was this bit where you can hear "An... gel..." In my head I can see a group of angels sleeping and at that very moment, they would wake up, some disorientated, some stretching, some giggling and one by one all the angels would start dancing happily and freely. I wish I could dance like them, beautiful and without a care in the world.

Thank goodness it’s the weekend.
Have a good one.

thursday a bore

I have an article with a deadline but I have no idea how to write it. I love writing but I am no expert in report writing. What can I write about a crash that happened thirty-one years ago? With little information I am lost. How am I going to hand in a three-page article on this? *banging head on keyboard*

I was watching CSI last night and I found one scene a little too... I don’t know. You tell me.
- A man died. Victim’s wife was upset, obviously.
So, this is pretty much like the real life right. But what I find surprising is when the wife said something like "How are we (she and the children) going to survive? Who’s going to pay the bills, petrol, house loan..."
I find this disturbing because her husband just died and all she worried about is her finances? Yes, I know people handle "situations" differently. I just hope when I die, people would cry for me and not other things.

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt my brother’s girlfriend told me I have a secret admirer. Hee. I asked her to describe the admirer to me. She said he has long hair, up to his knee. Wtf? Even in my dreams I can’t escape universe’s little jokes on me. *sigh*

Happy International Women’s Day.
I love being a woman because all I need to feel good about myself are some make up and a pair of high heels.

a blur

I am having a bloody headache. I wonder if this pain has anything to do with my vision because the world is a little blurry these days.

How do we know what we see is... what everyone else is seeing, you know, the norm?

I know this girl who started wearing glasses, thick glasses, out of the blue one-day. She then told us she didn’t realize her vision was bad until she checked her eyes by chance. We were curious, I mean didn’t she realize her world was a blur? When asked, she simply replied "Oh, I thought that is how the world is. A blur". There you go. I couldn’t come up with a better explanation myself.

Every time when I feel the world is against me, or when I need to make a hard decision, I will always think of that girl. She reminds me that sometimes life isn’t what I think it is.

peer pressurable

Peer pressure.
I SHOULD be too old for this.

I always go on and on about how the younger generations always gives in to peer pressure and them not being their own individual. Yes, I do realize that there is no age limit to this trouble. Admitting to that is like admitting that I have that problem too. But I don’t. Because. I am too rational and matured to be peer-pressured, right? Right?

The question of the day is this.
Is everyone really who/what they say they are or is everyone pretend to be something they’re not just so they can fit in?

Peer pressure is a nasty business. Yes, we SHOULD stand firm on what we believe in but it’s a big and scary world out there, surely you don’t want to face it all alone. Though most time we try to be level headed and make the right decision, it is never easy especially when the temptation is something harmless, or so we think.

Social acceptance was/is like the key to happiness. People refuse to accept it but this is true. To belong in any group of people, is that not social acceptance? Maybe I’m confused but I am sure I have a point there, somewhere.

I didn’t think peer pressure would be such a big deal to people my age. I was pretty sure our confidence and maturity would help us to reason our need to fit in and find ways to cope with it. That’s not the case is it? I champion common sense. But when common sense fails me, I do try to come up with an excuse. An acceptable excuse, not a super lame one.

Me: You don’t smoke so why are you smoking now?
X: I figured that since everyone is doing it I might as well do it. Besides, I don’t get anything by being a nice girl.

Seriously? I thought only sixteen-year old would come up with something like that.

I think the saddest bit was I didn’t know how to respond to that statement so I mumbled "Second hand smokers are more prone to cancer". Yes, I need someone to kick me in the arse. BUT She was going through a bad phase in life so I do try to be nice.

I wonder if I sometimes handle circumstances like her. Do I do things because everyone else was doing it? I suppose I do. I am no party pooper but it’s common for me to find myself dragging my big arse to some event/outing that I rather not go or involved in things I rather not do. Involved as in being there with the Inconsiderates wishing I could just disappear. In fact I remembered the short time I was alienated because I spoke my mind a little too loud to someone who is plain mean. She came to me complaining about our friends behaving a little too wildly in public, so I too voiced out my concerns. She later went to those friends, bitching that I am judgmental and bitchy. But hey, I stayed the whole time when they make a fool out of themselves and me, and I made sure everyone got home safely. Not a friend? ANYWAY, I learned to keep my mouth shut.

Although most time I managed to resist temptations from doing things I disapprove, there are times I just give in. Like I said, I am no party pooper. Though it doesn’t mean I am going jump off a bridge just because my friends are doing it. No sir. The craziest thing I did involves only hangovers.

I am sure despite the pressure to be perfect for everyone else, all the time, we can still just be ourselves. Though sometimes I am confused, I mean since when am I a princess of some exotic island who was kidnapped and later abandoned at this part of the world? - Hee, I learned that after some time, people who truly care for us would accept us just the way we are. With my mom, it took me years and she still knows very little about me. Life should be that way. Different people, different parts of me.

At the end of the day, life is about making choices. I just wish people who made their choices would stop blaming other people when they f*** up. Seriously. I don’t.