all I have is my sanity

26. The first “party” I attended was in college during the orientation night. A long haired senior whom I had a crush on for like a week *LOL* taught me the joy of head banging and that was the night I fell in love with alternative/rock/grunge music. I still do.

27. I never dated until I was in college. After my first date, I received phone calls from my mom and friends back home asking me who was the guy I seeing. Even the South China Sea cannot stop people from talking huh? Apparently someone saw me and told another person and… well you guys can figure out what happened.

~~~

“She has more beauty than intelligence”

I nearly choked when I heard that statement. All I did was keep my mouth shut and listened in horror as the group of reporters discussed her (a particular national artist) intellect and beauty. *shudders* I so do not want to be in her shoe at that particular moment.

She, in my opinion is both. A beauty queen and a university graduate.

Then I started to wonder. I wonder what would they say about me because isn’t it human to do so? To wonder that is. I couldn’t decide, at first if I want to know what they think but because I am a not so bright curious cat, I think I would want to know. *giggles nervously*

I am not interested to know about the beauty bit because seriously, it’s not even funny if I make a joke out of it. No, not low self esteem, I’m just being realistic.

The intelligence bit now that’s scary. Though I am no bimbo, I am not the smartest chick in town either. Besides, how do one measure another’s intellectual?

So, if I don’t have both, then what else do I have?

Personality? *woohoo* *LOL*

long wednesday larr.

25. I can’t remember the exact date but I remember it was a fasting month. My brother and I went to the kedai kuda (illegal slot machine operator) in the middle of the night because we were bored and… bored. While I was busy concentrating on the slots, few guys came into the shop with parang (machete) and started screaming at the guy at the counter.

One of them started hitting the guy while the rest went to collect the money from everyone else. After what felt like forever, one of them went to pull the hitter. The hitter came to me and pulled the collar of my blouse to see if I was wearing a gold necklace. After they left, I went back home and thank my lucky stars because I did not bring my brand new hp with me because I was still charging it at home *winks* I lost about RM100.00 that night and I hope I will never go through that ordeal again.

~~~

How would you react when someone who is very comel (cute) calls you by the wrong name?
I smiled, said hie back and continued my walk back on cloud nine.

*LOL*

bully

24. One of the many times when I ever felt so helpless was the day when I took the video of the SFC CF performance at LS. Imagine standing in the middle of the field with boys all over the place and they were making lots of noise, some cheering and some making fun of you. It was nerve wrecking. To make things worse, First Crush was there and when the Weirdly Funny Guy yelled out my full name from the 1^st or 2^nd floor, I wanted to melt on the ground.

That is why my friends, the video was shaky. *LOL* Now you know.

~~~

After I came back from work yesterday, my mom told me a kid pinched Ekiel on the face and you could see the nail marks.

I wanted to highlight the matter to the teacher but my mom does have a point. Knowing Ekiel, he could be the one who started the whole thing and blames the other kid. I asked Ekiel why the boy pinched him, he just shrugged me off. From his re-enactment of the situation, he did a whole lot of pushing too. I just couldn’t figure out why.

This morning, we were late. As usual no thanks to my sister. His classmates came running from the washroom (I think) and suddenly my son becomes all bossy and told his friends not to run. So he went into the class and I started to walk away but something made me turn and I saw Ekiel confronted a boy and I saw Ekiel pinching his own face and all. I guess that was the boy who pinched him yesterday. My first instinct was to call Ekiel which I did. When he saw me, he quickly left the kid alone.

Before I figure out what to do, one of the teachers locked me out from the school. *sighs*
I think I better tell the teacher to keep an eye on Ekiel kan?

temptation is great

22. I remembered my first song dedication on the radio when I was what? 15 or 16? The song was Goodbye by Air Supply from a guy whom I will not reveal here *LOL* I have no idea why that particular song until this very day. No other song dedication after that. *LOL* Men these days are not as romantic as boys those days huh?

23. I first slow dance to Michael Learns To Rock - That's Why (You Go Away) when I was 17 years old at a friend’s relative birthday party. I don’t remember who I danced with. Serious. The dance was not the most romantic thing ever but it was sweet. The teasing afterwards however was a pain in the neck. *sticks tongue out*

~~~

Sometimes I wonder if honesty IS the best way to go. There is always that voice in my head that tells me not tell the truth because let’s face it, the truth sometimes stinks. I believe if the other person is happy, then why should I kill his/her joy? Of course in a life-threatening it is different.

The truth also sometimes stopped us from being idiotic but it sucks because you don’t get to do what your heart wants to do.

It’s always difficult to do the right thing kan?

I always believe things happened for a reason though sometimes I find it funny because I have already learned that lesson many times before. Why can’t karma give me a break?

It is so damn easy to be irresponsible.

the 21st already?

20. After being jobless for five months, I was so broke it was frustrating. One day, I was supposed to come for the second interview but when I got there I was told the boss is in a meeting and told me to come back at a later date. My dad left as he was coming back an hour later to pick me up. Worse, I had no credit on the phone. I didn’t know what to do so I asked the receptionist if I could use the phone to make one local call. The receptionist gave me a dirty look but gives me the phone anyway. Sakit my hati. *sniffs*

I swear never to be in that situation again and I didn’t bother to go to the interview anymore. Why? They should have called me earlier about the change of date and that receptionist could have been more sympathetic.

21. The second last time I received a flower was almost nine years ago from N which I stuffed into my bag because I was embarrassed to be seen holding a flower in a mall. The last was six years ago also from N, a different N which I left on my table untouched until it wilted and collected dusts and cobwebs before I threw it away. I realized now after many “flowerless” years, I should have been more appreciative kan? *LOL* I always pride myself as someone who values the little things in life *hangs head in shame*

~~~

I feel a change is about to happen but I cannot decide if it is a good thing or otherwise. Trying to be optimistic, let’s just pretend a great change is about to take place larr kan? *keeping fingers crossed*

The other day after a cancelled photoshoot that pisses me off big time, I took Ekiel to the mall for some quality time. We had lots of fun at the games arcade and what not. There were many times whenever my bag straps slides down, he would fusses over it and made sure it stays on my shoulder. What surprises me the most was when he noticed my shirt buttons were undone (which I did on purpose) he buttons it for me. When I refused, he insisted and told me to listen to him. I was like “heh?”

The other night while watching AI8, I told everyone that DannyG was my bf. Ekiel flipped! He didn’t like the idea of me having a bf. He started crying, calling me naughty and announced I cannot have a bf because he is my bf. *LOL* It is cute.

Weird thing is I feel a little upset to see him reacting like that. I don’t know why.