Sunday, February 24, 2008
Ekiel the Romeo
I taught my son how to play one of those online games (SpongeBob burst-a-bubble, something like that). After telling him twice, he learned how to maneuver his way around with the mouse, of course a few times missing the correct key and left click instead.
I was pretty impressed with his achievement. Of course I am bias because I am the mother. I know many other kids who are more advanced than him. But seeing him to progress like that gives me that proud feeling.
Anyway, I noticed that Ekiel doesn’t like to lose. When he does, he’ll start hitting me and ask me to apologize to SpongeBob for making him (SpongeBob) cry. I admit it is my fault for making him doing it the first time.
Ekiel doesn’t like to share his things too. My sister bought some cookies for him and he refused to share with anyone except me and his aunty who bought him the cookies. I need to tackle this nicely.
He wanted to drink orange juice but I told him he needs to drink some water first. I saw him taking only a sip so I told him to finish his glass of water. He answered me “Ishh… susah…” (So difficult) and shook his head. He finished his water and demanded his juice afterwards.
Yesterday at Church, there was this cute little girl who was trying to get Ekiel’s attention by touching him all the time. Ekiel ignored her but she was persistent. So I told Ekiel to ask the girl her name.
Ek: What’s your name? (In a very bossy way)
The girl ran to her mommy giggling. I wonder how long more I have before Ekiel starts having me screening his fans’ calls or him having a girlfriend. He’s already crushing on my sister’s 16-year old friend. *rolls eyes* Every time you mention the girl’s name, he’ll smile from one ear to the other.
After the mass, I told everyone about Ekiel’s new girlfriend and he started hitting me while smiling sheepishly.
Me: I thought you didn’t like the girl? You didn’t want to entertain her just now
Ek: Don’t be silly mommy (still smiling like a Cheshire cat)
Hee. Maybe that’s how kids these days socialize.
I was pretty impressed with his achievement. Of course I am bias because I am the mother. I know many other kids who are more advanced than him. But seeing him to progress like that gives me that proud feeling.
Anyway, I noticed that Ekiel doesn’t like to lose. When he does, he’ll start hitting me and ask me to apologize to SpongeBob for making him (SpongeBob) cry. I admit it is my fault for making him doing it the first time.
Ekiel doesn’t like to share his things too. My sister bought some cookies for him and he refused to share with anyone except me and his aunty who bought him the cookies. I need to tackle this nicely.
He wanted to drink orange juice but I told him he needs to drink some water first. I saw him taking only a sip so I told him to finish his glass of water. He answered me “Ishh… susah…” (So difficult) and shook his head. He finished his water and demanded his juice afterwards.
Yesterday at Church, there was this cute little girl who was trying to get Ekiel’s attention by touching him all the time. Ekiel ignored her but she was persistent. So I told Ekiel to ask the girl her name.
Ek: What’s your name? (In a very bossy way)
The girl ran to her mommy giggling. I wonder how long more I have before Ekiel starts having me screening his fans’ calls or him having a girlfriend. He’s already crushing on my sister’s 16-year old friend. *rolls eyes* Every time you mention the girl’s name, he’ll smile from one ear to the other.
After the mass, I told everyone about Ekiel’s new girlfriend and he started hitting me while smiling sheepishly.
Me: I thought you didn’t like the girl? You didn’t want to entertain her just now
Ek: Don’t be silly mommy (still smiling like a Cheshire cat)
Hee. Maybe that’s how kids these days socialize.
Friday, February 22, 2008
the things Ekiel say
At three years old, my son is a professional con artist/bully.
Mom: You stay home with Bertram, mama want to go cut hair
EK: I also want to cut hair
After a while…
Mom: You sure you want to cut hair?
EK: Yeah, I want to cut hair…
At the shop, he refused to go in to the salon. He just wanted to tag along.
The other day…
Me: *Laughing like a mad woman*
EK: Mommy, don’t be silly
EK: Bye..bye… (to my sis’ bf)
(after a while)KT: Ekiel, say bye to uncle…
EK: Already kan?
KT: Say it again
EK: Already kan? I already say
Ek: Girl, go take my shoe
(Ekiel bossing his 19 year old aunt)
EK: Mommy, let’s go up, sleep
Me: Wait, mommy want to watch TV for a while
EK: It’s time to sleep. Got momok (monster) already.
Ek switches off the TV.
Mom: You stay home with Bertram, mama want to go cut hair
EK: I also want to cut hair
After a while…
Mom: You sure you want to cut hair?
EK: Yeah, I want to cut hair…
At the shop, he refused to go in to the salon. He just wanted to tag along.
The other day…
Me: *Laughing like a mad woman*
EK: Mommy, don’t be silly
EK: Bye..bye… (to my sis’ bf)
(after a while)KT: Ekiel, say bye to uncle…
EK: Already kan?
KT: Say it again
EK: Already kan? I already say
Ek: Girl, go take my shoe
(Ekiel bossing his 19 year old aunt)
EK: Mommy, let’s go up, sleep
Me: Wait, mommy want to watch TV for a while
EK: It’s time to sleep. Got momok (monster) already.
Ek switches off the TV.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Happy Chap Goh Mei
I wish life would be kinder not only to me but everyone else.
I really don’t get how the life system works but I feel those nice and kind people deserve a break. Don’t worry. I am not talking about myself here. Yes, I am aware I am neither nice nor kind. So stop whining.
Remember what I wrote? Everyone is someone else’s moral story? I have learned my lesson so there is no need for someone to be miserable for me. Really. I do not want to stay up at night thinking about other people’s problem. I have been doing that for the past few days, thank you very much. It sucks.
As much as I do not want to give a damn about other people’s business, I can’t stop my head from thinking. I can’t also stop myself from doing or not doing many other things.
Anyway, it’s no biggie being thirty. Life goes on. Everything is pretty much the same. I don’t know what I was expecting. Raining roses? Frogs singing sweet praises? *LOL* Maybe. I’ve been reading too many books and watching too many movies/cartoons.
I wanted to throw some orange peels at the sea but my friend told me that wasn't a good idea. Someone from the neighbouring island might pick it up. Hee.
I really don’t get how the life system works but I feel those nice and kind people deserve a break. Don’t worry. I am not talking about myself here. Yes, I am aware I am neither nice nor kind. So stop whining.
Remember what I wrote? Everyone is someone else’s moral story? I have learned my lesson so there is no need for someone to be miserable for me. Really. I do not want to stay up at night thinking about other people’s problem. I have been doing that for the past few days, thank you very much. It sucks.
As much as I do not want to give a damn about other people’s business, I can’t stop my head from thinking. I can’t also stop myself from doing or not doing many other things.
Anyway, it’s no biggie being thirty. Life goes on. Everything is pretty much the same. I don’t know what I was expecting. Raining roses? Frogs singing sweet praises? *LOL* Maybe. I’ve been reading too many books and watching too many movies/cartoons.
I wanted to throw some orange peels at the sea but my friend told me that wasn't a good idea. Someone from the neighbouring island might pick it up. Hee.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
lost in my own thoughts
I am trying very hard to catch up with the rest of the world.
I’ve been making too many stops.
Most time to pick myself up, wipe the tear away and tell myself that I’m okay.
You think I am weak?
Think again.
I’ve been making too many stops.
Most time to pick myself up, wipe the tear away and tell myself that I’m okay.
You think I am weak?
Think again.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
RIP Fly
Fly. Fly. Fly. Fly.
Fly. Fly. Fly. Somersault.
Fly. Fly. Fly. Stop.
Fly. Fly. Fly. Fly.
Fly. Somersault. Fly. Fly.
Stop. Fly. Fly. Fly.
Stop. Drink. Drink. Drink.
Stop. Drink. Trip. Died.
But maybe he committed suicide.
We’ll never know.
The death of the idiotic fly.
Drowned in a small bowl of soy sauce.
My mom is right. Too much soy sauce could kill you.
Fly. Fly. Fly. Somersault.
Fly. Fly. Fly. Stop.
Fly. Fly. Fly. Fly.
Fly. Somersault. Fly. Fly.
Stop. Fly. Fly. Fly.
Stop. Drink. Drink. Drink.
Stop. Drink. Trip. Died.
But maybe he committed suicide.
We’ll never know.
The death of the idiotic fly.
Drowned in a small bowl of soy sauce.
My mom is right. Too much soy sauce could kill you.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
yesterday...
30 is the new sweet 16.
The day was like any other day.
To make it special, I’ve put an extra layer of mascara.
And eyeliner.
I spent half the day behind a group of Koreans who were doing advertisement photo shoot at the resort. Half of that time was spent waiting for the model to change her wardrobe and hairstyle. For someone who doesn’t like to wait (though I have the patience for it) it was torturous.
What was supposed to be a three hour photo shoot became a seven hour photo shoot.
The sad thing was I missed my own party that my colleagues organized for me. When I came back, I found a box of cake, a box of pizza and a green colored paperbag on my table. I was touched with the gesture and felt really guilty for making them wait for me but I was came back to the office too late.
At home, my mom cooked my favorite meal and they too bought me a cake. I who only had a cup of coffee the whole day stuffed myself silly. It was a perfect night with non stop messages from friends and people whom I’ve never expected to know.
The only thing that bugged me was Ekiel’s fever. He was his normal cheeky self, but he wasn’t very physical, just verbal. He refused to eat or drink and we had to force the medication down his throat and yet he spits it out like a pro.
I only had a combined 5 hour of sleep for the past two days. I had to drag myself everywhere this morning and thank goodness the shoot is OVER.
The day was like any other day.
To make it special, I’ve put an extra layer of mascara.
And eyeliner.
I spent half the day behind a group of Koreans who were doing advertisement photo shoot at the resort. Half of that time was spent waiting for the model to change her wardrobe and hairstyle. For someone who doesn’t like to wait (though I have the patience for it) it was torturous.
What was supposed to be a three hour photo shoot became a seven hour photo shoot.
The sad thing was I missed my own party that my colleagues organized for me. When I came back, I found a box of cake, a box of pizza and a green colored paperbag on my table. I was touched with the gesture and felt really guilty for making them wait for me but I was came back to the office too late.
At home, my mom cooked my favorite meal and they too bought me a cake. I who only had a cup of coffee the whole day stuffed myself silly. It was a perfect night with non stop messages from friends and people whom I’ve never expected to know.
The only thing that bugged me was Ekiel’s fever. He was his normal cheeky self, but he wasn’t very physical, just verbal. He refused to eat or drink and we had to force the medication down his throat and yet he spits it out like a pro.
I only had a combined 5 hour of sleep for the past two days. I had to drag myself everywhere this morning and thank goodness the shoot is OVER.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Third day of CNY
Happy Chinese New Year people!!!
It was a quiet celebration this year. With someone complaining and someone not wanting to get involved, it was wise not to go look for problem. Besides, I don’t have the energy to handle the chaos of family gathering. Of course, this did not stop me from collecting red packets for my son and I. *evil laugh*
I am mentally, physically, psychologically and spiritually tired.
I also don’t understand what is going on.
Now I am in the office. *sighs* I wish I am at home, not doing anything. I’ve been doing nothing for the past two days and it was GREAT. All I did was watch TV, eat and sleep. Repeat. I even enjoyed watching the Young Guns game show hosted by 5566, four adorable and funny guys from Taiwan. Even when I don’t understand what they say and the subtitle was minimum. Why can’t they translate the whole conversation? Aren’t the translator paid to do so?
Three more day to thirties.
*raises right eyebrow*
It was a quiet celebration this year. With someone complaining and someone not wanting to get involved, it was wise not to go look for problem. Besides, I don’t have the energy to handle the chaos of family gathering. Of course, this did not stop me from collecting red packets for my son and I. *evil laugh*
I am mentally, physically, psychologically and spiritually tired.
I also don’t understand what is going on.
Now I am in the office. *sighs* I wish I am at home, not doing anything. I’ve been doing nothing for the past two days and it was GREAT. All I did was watch TV, eat and sleep. Repeat. I even enjoyed watching the Young Guns game show hosted by 5566, four adorable and funny guys from Taiwan. Even when I don’t understand what they say and the subtitle was minimum. Why can’t they translate the whole conversation? Aren’t the translator paid to do so?
Three more day to thirties.
*raises right eyebrow*
Friday, February 01, 2008
february so soon
Not long after my entry yesterday, the squirrel finally fell flat on the ground.
The solution is very obvious, but the squirrel loves drama so I leave it to your imagination the things the squirrel could/would do.
Will I ever have a day in the office without listening to profanity?
This people swear more than them saying thank you.
If I could charge them RM10 for each vulgarity, I would be a rich woman.
This morning, as I walk into the office, my mood was sweetened with a gorgeous smile from a young gentleman. Every time I see him smile, the world became a happier place. Of course it only lasted for a while before someone ruined it.
Why he and everyone else have to be so young?
Instead of kissing them silly I can only pinch their cheeks.
*chuckles*
It’s already the first of February.
I am so behind my to-do list. I haven’t touched my assignment which due in three weeks.
I was supposed to finish all my notes, obviously that didn’t happen.
I am no where near my resolution list. Wait, I did clear my old things, so that’s a tick.
As for the rest…
I don’t know why I want to make myself do this. I must have lost my mind.
*yawns*
I had 6-hour sleep and I am still so damn tired.
Chinese New Year is just around the corner. This year it will be a quiet celebration as most of my family will be going back to Sandakan. My dad’s side who are the pure Chinese will only have the first day luncheon. I think. Maybe I could use that two day to catch up with my work.
Note to self: Hang on there. This will be over in eleven more months. I’m sure it will be worth it.
The solution is very obvious, but the squirrel loves drama so I leave it to your imagination the things the squirrel could/would do.
Will I ever have a day in the office without listening to profanity?
This people swear more than them saying thank you.
If I could charge them RM10 for each vulgarity, I would be a rich woman.
This morning, as I walk into the office, my mood was sweetened with a gorgeous smile from a young gentleman. Every time I see him smile, the world became a happier place. Of course it only lasted for a while before someone ruined it.
Why he and everyone else have to be so young?
Instead of kissing them silly I can only pinch their cheeks.
*chuckles*
It’s already the first of February.
I am so behind my to-do list. I haven’t touched my assignment which due in three weeks.
I was supposed to finish all my notes, obviously that didn’t happen.
I am no where near my resolution list. Wait, I did clear my old things, so that’s a tick.
As for the rest…
I don’t know why I want to make myself do this. I must have lost my mind.
*yawns*
I had 6-hour sleep and I am still so damn tired.
Chinese New Year is just around the corner. This year it will be a quiet celebration as most of my family will be going back to Sandakan. My dad’s side who are the pure Chinese will only have the first day luncheon. I think. Maybe I could use that two day to catch up with my work.
Note to self: Hang on there. This will be over in eleven more months. I’m sure it will be worth it.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
grouchy
I am Oscar The Grouch today.
People, beware.
*roars like a lioness*
I’m sorry but I am trying my very best to control this temper.
It’s not like I attack everyone I see.
The only thing apparent is my sarcasm which is higher/louder than usual.
Is that wrong?
Other people put an angry face and bang tables but they’re excused for having a bad day.
So give me a break will you?
You know what I want to do?
Sit by the beach, with my son, books, an MP3 player and lots of mineral water.
And yes, a good sunblock lotion too.
Someone said I am like this because of work.
That’s true because I am a different person once I step out of the office.
I know I could do so much more BUT…
Don’t tell me not to get emotional about work because trust me, I know.
I know many things I should and shouldn’t do.
Like you know what to do and what you shouldn’t do.
But you don’t always do the right thing, do you?
I went to the blood donation drive just now and the doctor told me that my blood pressure is “cantik” (beautiful). *raises one eyebrow* It was 120/80 and she ask me what did I do because previously it was 140/90. I told her I watchout my food intake which is of course a lie but it made her so damn happy because according to her, she believes that too much salt would increase your blood pressure. O-kay, whatever makes her happy.
I don’t understand why some people love looking for problem. You know the things you do will only create trouble and yet you refuse to listen to advises you asked for and you whine when things go wrong. *bangs head on wall*
Some people just love the attention no matter how idiotic the circumstances are.
Some people just love to encourage those people to pursue their madness.
If only they put this much of effort in their work.
People, beware.
*roars like a lioness*
I’m sorry but I am trying my very best to control this temper.
It’s not like I attack everyone I see.
The only thing apparent is my sarcasm which is higher/louder than usual.
Is that wrong?
Other people put an angry face and bang tables but they’re excused for having a bad day.
So give me a break will you?
You know what I want to do?
Sit by the beach, with my son, books, an MP3 player and lots of mineral water.
And yes, a good sunblock lotion too.
Someone said I am like this because of work.
That’s true because I am a different person once I step out of the office.
I know I could do so much more BUT…
Don’t tell me not to get emotional about work because trust me, I know.
I know many things I should and shouldn’t do.
Like you know what to do and what you shouldn’t do.
But you don’t always do the right thing, do you?
I went to the blood donation drive just now and the doctor told me that my blood pressure is “cantik” (beautiful). *raises one eyebrow* It was 120/80 and she ask me what did I do because previously it was 140/90. I told her I watchout my food intake which is of course a lie but it made her so damn happy because according to her, she believes that too much salt would increase your blood pressure. O-kay, whatever makes her happy.
I don’t understand why some people love looking for problem. You know the things you do will only create trouble and yet you refuse to listen to advises you asked for and you whine when things go wrong. *bangs head on wall*
Some people just love the attention no matter how idiotic the circumstances are.
Some people just love to encourage those people to pursue their madness.
If only they put this much of effort in their work.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
while waiting to be picked up...
Apparently arse kissing does bring you to places.
Why am I so damn stubborn/stupid refusing to be one of them while these people get to enjoy life the easy way? I admit I’ve tried but I just can’t do it. It’s too tiring.
I do believe in the old Malay saying “Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua”. A direct translation would sbe “Smart smart squirrel jump, finally fall to ground also”. It basically means no matter how good you are, you will eventually fall/get caught/etc.
But the day these people fall do not come too quickly. *whistles*
Why am I so damn stubborn/stupid refusing to be one of them while these people get to enjoy life the easy way? I admit I’ve tried but I just can’t do it. It’s too tiring.
I do believe in the old Malay saying “Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua”. A direct translation would sbe “Smart smart squirrel jump, finally fall to ground also”. It basically means no matter how good you are, you will eventually fall/get caught/etc.
But the day these people fall do not come too quickly. *whistles*
unwell
I accidentally got super glue on my hands last night. Now my fingers feel numb. I don’t know why I am such a klutz sometime. The other day I got two of my toes stuck to the floor. Funny huh? You wouldn’t be laughing when you try to peel yourself off slowly hoping your skin is still intact. My son was worried for me.
I wish some people would be more sensitive to what goes on around them. The world doesn’t revolve around them despite what they think or say. The funny thing is they will most time get what they want. Life is unfair but I have learnt to cope with that.
*sighs* I think I need to join one of those physical classes so I could channel my frustration and anger out. No, I still haven’t figure out exactly the culprit for these ill feelings. Maybe I am just having a bad week.
I found the perfect song to describe me at the very moment.
Unwell – Matchbox Twenty
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of meI'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
I wish some people would be more sensitive to what goes on around them. The world doesn’t revolve around them despite what they think or say. The funny thing is they will most time get what they want. Life is unfair but I have learnt to cope with that.
*sighs* I think I need to join one of those physical classes so I could channel my frustration and anger out. No, I still haven’t figure out exactly the culprit for these ill feelings. Maybe I am just having a bad week.
I found the perfect song to describe me at the very moment.
Unwell – Matchbox Twenty
All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me
I'm talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of meI'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I've been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
[Chorus]
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
thirty?
I’ll be thirty in a few weeks. No, I am not depressed because I am getting older. I am just sad for not living my twenties to the fullest. Now before I continue, I must stress that this entry is purely based on my crazy thinking/feeling that has been nagging me the past few weeks.
I am worried. I worry that I have missed out a lot of things in my twenties that I will never be able to experience anymore.
Again, remember this is crazy talk.
I want to do something crazy and not be responsible for my actions. Know what I mean? *raises one eyebrow*
I am tired of being an adult.
I should have been more ambitious. I do not want to be seating on the same sit when I turn forty. Life has to be more than just these four walls.
I wish I didn’t worry too much when I was younger. I know that my life would be more interesting (I said more because my life is already interesting, thank you very much). I would not let many things get in my way. Being too grounded is not so much fun.
I get this sad feeling that I would never ever be “in love”. You know, sappy love songs playing in my head 24/7. My heartbeat runs all over the place when I think of him. Checking my mobile every one minute to see if he sends me messages. Unconsciously talk about him and the cute things he did until my friends vomit blood. I’m a thirty year old plain and complicated single mother. Apparently some people do but I do not have strings of admirers lining up seeking my attention. It’s sad but it’s okay. I just hope I don’t miss all the loving too often.
I fear that I might have already missed my moment. That moment that defines me as a person. That moment that decides my accomplishments in this lifetime.
Have I gone mad to even think about all this? Maybe.
No worries though. I will celebrate my twenties that had taught me about life as a woman and a mother. Sure, I had a shitty bump here and there but the ride was great and I have no regrets.
My mom gave me a weird look yesterday when she realized I am turning thirty soon. The way she put it made me felt “old”. *LOL*
I am worried. I worry that I have missed out a lot of things in my twenties that I will never be able to experience anymore.
Again, remember this is crazy talk.
I want to do something crazy and not be responsible for my actions. Know what I mean? *raises one eyebrow*
I am tired of being an adult.
I should have been more ambitious. I do not want to be seating on the same sit when I turn forty. Life has to be more than just these four walls.
I wish I didn’t worry too much when I was younger. I know that my life would be more interesting (I said more because my life is already interesting, thank you very much). I would not let many things get in my way. Being too grounded is not so much fun.
I get this sad feeling that I would never ever be “in love”. You know, sappy love songs playing in my head 24/7. My heartbeat runs all over the place when I think of him. Checking my mobile every one minute to see if he sends me messages. Unconsciously talk about him and the cute things he did until my friends vomit blood. I’m a thirty year old plain and complicated single mother. Apparently some people do but I do not have strings of admirers lining up seeking my attention. It’s sad but it’s okay. I just hope I don’t miss all the loving too often.
I fear that I might have already missed my moment. That moment that defines me as a person. That moment that decides my accomplishments in this lifetime.
Have I gone mad to even think about all this? Maybe.
No worries though. I will celebrate my twenties that had taught me about life as a woman and a mother. Sure, I had a shitty bump here and there but the ride was great and I have no regrets.
My mom gave me a weird look yesterday when she realized I am turning thirty soon. The way she put it made me felt “old”. *LOL*
Monday, January 28, 2008
Crash post
Okay. The past few days were a blur. My body is aching for unclear reasons. It’s not as if I’ve joined a marathon or do any hard labour. I’m just… *bleargh*. Despite the low batt, my mind is working overtime. It’s crazy because I can’t sleep with all the thinking. It’s really loud; it gives me a headache.
I sometimes wish my courage is as loud as my self consciousness.
If I weren’t so polite and nice. I’d tell many people to go jump off the marina. It amazes me how people could just start screaming and swearing without even thinking if they were right or wrong. The important thing is to be heard. As if volume is some sort of power. To stress your point add in all the foul words you could think of in every language available, bang tables and point fingers. *tsk tsk tsk*
If I weren’t so shy, I’d go and talk to all those men I only drool at. They may just laugh at me, but who cares right?
All I do is listen quietly and run away. *rolls eyes* What is wrong with me?
I had the weirdest dream last night. I was in a building with a guy whom I shall refer as X (whose face I saw but cannot remember). We overheard a conversation that we shouldn’t listen and X recorded the whole thing. When we heard enough, we walked out of the building fearing for our safety. We were about to cross the road when a lady stood next to us and told us whatever we heard was true and needed to be stop. She said she knew we were there and told us to run as they (the bad guys) knew about us and are looking for us.
So X and I started running. We wanted to jump into a yellow-coloured bus, but it drove away before we got into it. So we ran towards a deserted building, hoping they would not find us there. We walked in the building and found a secret underworld. It looked so much like the Hogwart’s hall (Harry Potter), I even mentioned it in my dream. The whole place was decorated beautifully. Like a Halloween party but it was Christmas. There was also a huge gorgeous Christmas tree and I told X if we get out of this one, we’re going to get a similar tree for next year. When I thought we were safe, we could see the bad guys were already in the building and we had to go. We started running and finally we were surrounded by men with weapons. That’s when I woke up.
The dream felt so real I have goose bumps just thinking about it. I can still clearly remember the colour of the bus we missed, the balloons and the Christmas decorations. How weird is that?
I must also admit that I am wondering who the guy was because it felt really safe to be with him.
---
Sorry people. I’m just a little tired/lazy these days.
Don’t ask me what I did because all I remember doing is doing nothing. I spent the whole weekend at home with my son watching TV and surf the net. I tried to teach Ekiel to play those online games for children but he keeps telling me he doesn’t know how so I ended up playing with him as my cheerleader “Good job Mommy!”
Ekiel has grown so much, he sometimes he worries me when he starts talking like an adult.
Ek: Mommy, I want bottle
Me: Where’s your bottle?
EK: There…
Me: Bring it here
EK: No, you bring it here
Me: You want bottle, you bring it here
EK: Ish, pemalas oh you this mommy (you’re so lazy mommy)
EK: Mommy don’t go to work
Me: Cannot. Must go to work. If no work, no bottle
EK: I drink water only
I sometimes wish my courage is as loud as my self consciousness.
If I weren’t so polite and nice. I’d tell many people to go jump off the marina. It amazes me how people could just start screaming and swearing without even thinking if they were right or wrong. The important thing is to be heard. As if volume is some sort of power. To stress your point add in all the foul words you could think of in every language available, bang tables and point fingers. *tsk tsk tsk*
If I weren’t so shy, I’d go and talk to all those men I only drool at. They may just laugh at me, but who cares right?
All I do is listen quietly and run away. *rolls eyes* What is wrong with me?
I had the weirdest dream last night. I was in a building with a guy whom I shall refer as X (whose face I saw but cannot remember). We overheard a conversation that we shouldn’t listen and X recorded the whole thing. When we heard enough, we walked out of the building fearing for our safety. We were about to cross the road when a lady stood next to us and told us whatever we heard was true and needed to be stop. She said she knew we were there and told us to run as they (the bad guys) knew about us and are looking for us.
So X and I started running. We wanted to jump into a yellow-coloured bus, but it drove away before we got into it. So we ran towards a deserted building, hoping they would not find us there. We walked in the building and found a secret underworld. It looked so much like the Hogwart’s hall (Harry Potter), I even mentioned it in my dream. The whole place was decorated beautifully. Like a Halloween party but it was Christmas. There was also a huge gorgeous Christmas tree and I told X if we get out of this one, we’re going to get a similar tree for next year. When I thought we were safe, we could see the bad guys were already in the building and we had to go. We started running and finally we were surrounded by men with weapons. That’s when I woke up.
The dream felt so real I have goose bumps just thinking about it. I can still clearly remember the colour of the bus we missed, the balloons and the Christmas decorations. How weird is that?
I must also admit that I am wondering who the guy was because it felt really safe to be with him.
---
Sorry people. I’m just a little tired/lazy these days.
Don’t ask me what I did because all I remember doing is doing nothing. I spent the whole weekend at home with my son watching TV and surf the net. I tried to teach Ekiel to play those online games for children but he keeps telling me he doesn’t know how so I ended up playing with him as my cheerleader “Good job Mommy!”
Ekiel has grown so much, he sometimes he worries me when he starts talking like an adult.
Ek: Mommy, I want bottle
Me: Where’s your bottle?
EK: There…
Me: Bring it here
EK: No, you bring it here
Me: You want bottle, you bring it here
EK: Ish, pemalas oh you this mommy (you’re so lazy mommy)
EK: Mommy don’t go to work
Me: Cannot. Must go to work. If no work, no bottle
EK: I drink water only
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
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